Warning NSFW talk below.

Backstory

Been together for 21 years, 5 kids (20/17/12/8/3), used to be daily sex, now 2-3 times per week, used to be exciting now become routine. What my disappointment is that for the past month or so, it's just starfish with her magic wand. It works for her, so whenever I initiate, she just says "get the wand/massager". I am getting bored and I like to have more passion, take my time, play, explore, smell, taste, touch, but when I attempt/ask/tell her to do other things she has been giving me the "I am tired, just hurry so I can go to the bathroom" speech for about a month. I have a couple times said, "no, that's boring" and left. But it persists. Besides this, she has lost weight (75lbs) but is still a tad self conscious and I know that is playing a role in her aversion to exciting stuff, even when she is the one initiating and in a passionate mood. She also is a woman who's mind filled with worry and anxiety pretty much every day (yes, prayer and scriptures quoted often) and even though she is a SAHM and it's summertime, she has a lot of time on her hands, but is tired often, I think this imaginary stress I think is a culprit. Always hamstering real and imagined dangers for the kids and over her health.

Initial Measures

We just moved our 3 year old into her own room, which is going to help. I also told her I wasn't down to watch TV before bed as has been the case because she had used that to preempt my approach lately by turning a show on right away and saying she was too tired to finish the show before an episode was over. Those were her main objections to a more fulfilling style encounter, so those are gone now.

Trying Something New, a Writing Assignment

This is where I want to open myself up to the group for critique, encouragement, or pointers. She is creative and has quite an imagination. She reads books and even wrote a children's book once a long time ago when our oldest was little (too bad it was lost). Last night when we were in the car alone, I told her to pick a character from any book, movie, TV show. She randomly picked a VERY MASCULINE figure from a western movie. This delighted me so much it made me burst out smiling and laughing, to which she absolutely insisted on knowing why. To which I told her that I was giving her assignment (pause) and that was for her to create a fan fiction story (had to explain what that was) where she had to imagine ME as that main lead character (a totally manly western figure) and HERSELF as that person's spouse/love interest. Rules were to make it be at least 10 page or more story that described setting, conflict and resolution, had conversation and internal dialog, scene must take place in one area, and most importantly she has to include a passionate love scene for these two. She was grinning ear to ear, blushing, giggling, and she is game. She coyly asked me what she is going to get for doing it and I laughed and told her absolutely nothing, she just has to do it because I said so.

My Intended Goal

  • I want her to picturing her and I having really good sex that is as good or better than what it once was
  • For her to see herself as a creative force in the bedroom
  • See us resolving conflict with a sexual connection at the end of it
  • For her to objectively ponder what my wants/needs for sex might be
  • For her to objectively see herself free of her insecurities and hangups
  • Visualize herself being confident, passionate, adventurous, and fun
  • Get her used to doing things just because I tell her to do them
  • Distract her mind from some of her worry, anxiety, and insecurities
  • When it is complete, to role play out this scenario ourselves with dialog and all

My Concerns

I am a little concerned about her conflating me with this character. I am not insecure about it, but don't want to cause her to sin by thinking about sex with that actual character, although we've role played before. Also concerned she might lose enthusiasm, quit, or become insecure about it and how to handle the potential fallout of such an odd request that she failed to comply with. Also, a bit apprehensive to share this with you guys, but this is anon and there is literally no one in my church I feel comfortable talking to about this kind of stuff, so here it goes.