Last night I get home and my wife doesn’t have dinner ready and she tells me she bought food instead. “Take your shoes off” “I was already going to, we already talked about this you don’t have to give orders the second I walk into the house” “I was just reminding you sheesh, someone came home in a bad mood.” I take them off then head to the bathroom. We both go shower then come back to the living room. She doesn’t buy food often but it upset me because I wanted to go on a date Friday since we will both be off and there was no reason for her to blow 30$ on a dinner from a restaurant. I voice this to her then the hamster starts.

She screeches“I cook every night and the one night I buy something you get mad...you are unbelievable.” “No I just don’t know why you have to waste money on food,, and it’s not the first time, it’s like the third time this month. We are supposed to be saving money so we can get a house in a year or two.” “No I had a bad day and I didn’t feel like cooking and nothing is in the freezer” “Ok well you couldn’t pick something up from the grocery store or at least tell me you were going to spend money for restraint food? I could have bought some on the way home from work and cooked.” “No your food is nasty and all you know how to cook is stupid frozen fajitas.” She then gets up in my face and pushes me.

Instead of reacting with anger I go to the couch and sit down. She comes over again and I push her back with my foot because she gets borderline aggressive when she gets angry. She then accuses me of kicking her. I ignore and try to turn on the TV. She grabs the remote and throws it. She then starts yelling about the new work shoes I bought and said those were a waste of money...(they were not, my old ones soles were falling off so they were needed).

“Nope I needed those for work, food and things I need for work are two very different things...then I continue to STFU. She then starts pulling stuff out of left field talking about stuff from months ago and tries to scream in my face again so I push her back with my foot. She then rips my phone from my hand and we start wrestling on the ground.

“Ahhh....you’re hurting me don’t touch me.” (Various other comments acting like I’m beating her or something). She just keeps screaming bloody murder so I get up and say “just keep my phone I don’t care at this point, you’re acting like a brat so I’m not dealing with this right now.” I get up and go to the guest bedroom to put on some clothes. She storms in after me blocking the dresser.

“I want an apology now!!!!” “We’ll you arnt getting one.” This goes on for a minute or so then she leaves to go get the food. It’s 8:30PM by this point so I go clean the dishes then get ready to go to sleep since I need to be in the gym by 5:30AM. I eat a wrap with ham and mayonnaise then get in bed.

She comes home a little more rational . I still refuse to apologize which makes her say she is sleeping in the guest room, if I want to be alone I can have sex with myself from now on, she doesn’t know where her husband went, etc. I just STFU. She takes all the blankets from the bed and everything and storms into the guest room. I take the spare blankets from the closet then get ready to sleep. She storms back in 10 mins later and says we didn’t do our devotion in a calmer tone.

We do the devotion and she goes back to normal and admits she was acting crazy. We talk and came to the agreement that yes it’s hard to cook every single night and I’m not the best cook so I can learn to help out with this a little more, because I personally would get tired of cooking every single night as well.

Observations:

When I STFU my wife literally goes bonkers. Granted I know there are other tools at my disposal from the 2000 series but I would rather not speak out of anger and say something I don’t mean and my brain sometimes feels like it stops working anyways in these situations which is why STFU and broken record is my go to.

But all that does is her waking away thinking I’m a butcrack and extending out an argument that doesn’t even need to be one.

Idk if my wife is a special case or what but me going quiet not rewarding bad behavior just makes her lose her mind even more, lol. Then watching her lose it makes me laugh which makes her think I don’t respect her.

Honestly Idk what I need to do when these situations occur. Maybe as I develop more of a spine I’ll get more comfortable in these situations but I don’t want to blow up my marriage in the process.

I have told her about boundaries I have multiple times but when she gets mad those boundaries go out the window.

The only tool I feel l have in the moment is to withdraw time and attention if that keeps happening.

I just know I could have handled the situation way better, I pray that comes in time as I learn to be a better leader. At the end of the day it’s my fault my marriage has come to this so I need to fix it.