I think I'm in some deep doodoo.

Deep_Strength · 2021-03-12T05:22:41+00:00

Caught late but locked until OP posts all stats.

Mission: Tell us what it is and why you need a woman's help accomplishing it (I'm being serious). Same with women.
Stats: body fat, height, weight, lifts, etc.
Reading: Which sidebar content you've read (RPC and/or MRP). Any other books?
Finances: Current job and income quality, future prospects, debt issues
Spiritual: How mature you are, how often you pray, have quiet times, share your faith, memorize Scripture, evangelism, how you're using your spiritual gifts, etc.

OP's overweight/obesity already shows areas where things can be improved as well. I'm sure we will see more areas if he answers these.

Stryker7200 · 2021-03-11T18:58:49+00:00

I haven’t dealt with this situation before so I’ll let others comment more in depth. My only thought is that you have possibly missed the comfort part of being redpilled.

Biblical headship doesn’t mean a wife’s emotions are ignored or maybe even belittled. A woman sometimes needs the comfort of knowing their emotions aren’t lieing to them.

It also appears on the surface that you are so focused on whatever happens to be your mission in life that you could be forgetting the needs of your own family.

Care for your family and your mission should go hand in hand imo. That doesn’t mean letting your wife dictate your mission, but a wife should be led to feel she is part of the mission as well and allowed a chance to buy into it.

From the way you describe your decision making it sounds like you risk the chance of turning away your wife and potentially kids from you. Doesn’t mean you can’t end up making the same decision in the end, but railroading you’re entire family into a decision and giving them no voice will likely push them away from you.

When in a position of authority, Part of “game” and being redpilled is encouraging obedience from those you influence without forcing it upon them. It’s about helping them obey without demanding it 100% of the time.

In the game community they would describe you as running “dread” game with no comfort, resulting in the target being scared off.

Rifleshoot · 2021-03-11T20:33:37+00:00

"I've been a perfect level 3000 alpha RP warrior and my crazy wife just won't get with the program... what is wrong with her?"

The first step in all of this is to examine yourself. Never mind what SHE should be or should not be doing. There's a reason she is questioning your leadership at every turn. Keep in mind that just about everyone that is here is here because they at one point or another have run into marital issues and wanted to know why. So examine yourself: are you really leading your family in an effective way?

Leadership is the art of leading people to accomplish a goal or mission. The first step is to understand what that mission is. Without understanding that, no one will want to follow you. So, have you shared your mission with your wife? If you want her to get on board, you have to give her a clear picture of what you want to accomplish and get her buy-in.

Once she buys in to the mission, next, you have to convince her of your competence to lead her to accomplish the mission. This is where all of the RP reading materials come in. You're lifting, learning to communicate like a man, learning to behave like a man, etc. All of these things are meant to make you a more attractive man, and its no coincidence that the same qualities that make a man attractive make him a more effective leader. And so the question: have you been doing the work to make yourself a more effective leader?

Once you've gotten her to buy in to your mission and she trusts your competence to lead her, then the only thing left is to do the work.

Your mistake here is that you have intentionally set up an adversarial relationship with your wife. Instead of bringing her along with your mission, you have essentially left her out of it. If you want to get this right, you need to stop and think about what you want and where she fits in to your vision for the future. Think about mission, think about what it will take to get there.

Then give yourself an honest assessment of leadership ability. You are currently 300 pounds. That doesn't give the appearance of someone that is self-controlled and disciplined. Leaders need to look the part. I say this as a guy that 3 years ago, was 315 pounds. When you lose the weight and put on some muscle, it makes a massive difference in the way that people respond to you. She is questioning your leadership because even your appearance is showing a lack of discipline and strength. Yes, she should follow her husband's lead regardless, but we are sinful creatures. Make it easy for her to follow you.

Finally, show patience. It takes time for a woman to adapt to the "new you." You went RAMBO. You started asserting yourself without taking the time to show your worth. So of course she resisted. And instead of stopping to try and prove yourself, you escalated the conflict between the two of you.

OsmiumZulu · 2021-03-11T22:24:54+00:00

Others have already said a lot of what must be said, so I'll be brief.

1) Are you fun? You don't sound like it. No need to be a dancing monkey but fat rambo doesn't sound like a great time to be around.

2) Are you familiar with "The Changing World of Mormonism" by Gerald and Sanrda Tanner? If not, I highly recommend checking it out. It is an apologetic goldmine. Also check out Dr. James White's debates with mormons if you haven't.

3) What is your plan to get in shape?

dirtyhippie62 · 2021-03-11T19:46:07+00:00

It sounds to me like your wife’s needs, feelings, and preferences are not being listened to. I understand where she’s coming from. A marriage is an equal partnership. In order to grow with each other and especially to grow in faith together, mutual respect and understanding are absolutely necessary. From your perspective OP I totally understand your determination, your desire to build brotherhood, your strength in your relationship with God. I see that you are successful in attaining your own goals and I’m very impressed. But, the one thing you might need to improve is how to attain and maintain a healthy, successful, powerful, and faithful (as in rooted in Christ together, not infidelity) marital partnership. Your wife needs your support, my friend. You making unilateral decisions might certainly achieve your goals outside of your marriage, but marriage is one of the most scared institutions and you have just as much duty to fulfill that commitment as you do to your extramarital endeavors. Your wife is clearly telling you that she wants to be more involved in decisions, that she wants her voice heard, that she wants to be a team with you, not to be steamrolled. A good woman in the eyes of god deserves a strong, supported connection to her spouse. It doesn’t sound like she wants unreasonable things. It doesn’t sound like she’s trying to steamroll you or even get her way most of the time. It simply sounds like she wants to be heard, informed, and consulted when big decisions are made. Those are reasonable things not only to want but to expect in a strong Christian marriage.

Her attacking you is never ok. Violence, from either partner, is never, ever acceptable. But consider why she might be compelled to resort to violence. If she’s tried communicating with you verbally, emotionally, mentally, and it’s still not getting through to you, perhaps she is resorting to the only other tactic she feels she has left to get your attention and make you understand that she has needs that are not being met. If you want to continue this marriage, sit down with your wife, ask her what her needs are and honestly assess within yourself, with pious eyes, what can you do as a man, a husband, a disciple, to support your wife and address her needs. If that means including her in more decision making, you may need to reform your need for unilateral decision-making so you can be the supportive pillar in your marriage that we all know you can be.

operationveritas · 2021-03-11T19:53:32+00:00

Your stats don’t match your ego. Address this first.

Then go and read 100,200 series on the sidebar.

Sure, you can continue on this path, as long as you know what’s at stake. Take a step back and look at yourself first. Then try to see things from the perspective of others and re-evaluate. Protect yourself, but don’t add fuel to the flames. Reconcile. Then move on and forward.

ofblankverse · 2021-03-12T03:35:49+00:00

You have four kids. You cannot leave. You need to protect them, be there for them, and give them a sense of stability. You need to put their needs first, unless you honestly feel like your life is in danger (and theirs won’t be, if you separate).

Submitting to your husband is really hard. It’s not ok to physically beat your husband, ever, but you can expect resistance. The least resistance will occur the more the love of God shines through you. It’s ok to correct your wife when she is wrong; in fact, she craves that. But it has to be done with love, or you will scare the crap out of her.

She is full of contradictory statements. She wants a biblical marriage... and an equal one? That does not make sense. Y’all need to get on the same page about the vision for your marriage. That does not mean waiting until she comes around when it comes to every decision; that is not good leadership. But a good leader gives his followers a heads up, and listens to their fears, and (within reason) takes their wants and needs into consideration.

An angry steamroller is going to feel abusive to an unstable, vulnerable woman. It ain’t reality, exactly, but she is only a woman, after all. Seems like you’ve got the assertive part down, but need to work on your zen factor. Also might want to look up the difference between assertive and aggressive. When assertive people have their authority challenged, they don’t get mad. And that breeds major respect amongst their charges.

If she respected you, she wouldn’t hit you. And if she doesn’t respect you, my guess is you’re either too angry or you’re too pathetic. You don’t sound pathetic so I’m guessing you’re too angry.

redwall92 · 2021-03-11T18:56:55+00:00

I explained that I will no longer be in the same room with her without a witness until I can get legal coverage protecting me from potential abuse claims.

Do you intend to follow through with this?

You've got 4 kids. I assume you live in the same abode.

How will you enforce your stated intention? Will you leave a room if she's in it?

Personally, if I were to make that statement it would be because I was getting my own house to live in and she's not welcome.

If you're living in a house with her, then she can walk into any room she wants.

I would carry a voice recorder anytime you are with her. Let her know if you want (or don't let her know). That may CYA if there are abuse claims. Just don't lie about it if you buy a voice recorder and she finds it. Just own it and say "yes, I believe it's necessary to protect myself from false claims" and move on. She is welcome to NOT be around you if you are carrying a voice recorder.

KirtlandSignature · 2021-03-11T20:11:36+00:00

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I'm going to share one of my favorite scriptures with you. I hope that's okay.

Ephesians chapter 5 "23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."

-but wait, that's not where it ends it goes on to say

"25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it"

Are you loving your wife as Christ loves his church or are you just trying to be the boss?

Did you marry a woman with the same values as you? I may have missed the part but it seems like becoming a minister was quite the change. If you are going to change your value system suddenly you need to do that as a team.

letmeseeyourphone · 2021-03-11T23:44:43+00:00

Dude...you are jacked. You’re treating your wife like garbage and like she’s beneath you. Technically, yes, you ARE being abusive. “Biblical Headship” is a bunch of BS. Show me where it says you are “head of the home.” You’ll find that phrase nowhere in the Bible. Marriage is an equal partnership, not a dictatorship. The patriarchy is an outdated ideology that was never meant to exist. Gen 3 is descriptive, not prescriptive. You were never meant to “rule over” her. She is your partner not your subordinate. If she ain’t down with it, and you two can’t come to an agreement, guess what? It ain’t happening. It sounds to me like you’re more concerned with legalism concerning your “calling” than you are with being a holy husband. Have fun being divorced.

How do I know? Already been this road myself. It blew up spectacularly. You are called to your family first. Ministry second. How are you gonna give advice on keeping a holy home when your own is in tatters?

jerchar1 · 2021-03-11T22:55:25+00:00

I’ve helped a lot of people with deliverance and your wife needs it. Most of what you described lines up with a Jezebel spirit oppressing her. This is a result of unhealed wounds and trauma of the past. On YouTube please research Jezebel and ahab spirits and how they influence. This fight is not against flesh and blood

Title	I think I'm in some deep doodoo.
Author	AbstergoKnight
Upvotes	10
Comments	23
Date	March 11, 2021 6:37 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/m2xcky/i_think_im_in_some_deep_doodoo/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/i-think-im-in-some-deep-doodoo.768054 https://theredarchive.com/post/768054