(This is a repost with stats)

For a couple years, I have been struggling with porn and masturbation. I fell into it when I was 16, I didn't know what I was doing or why I did it, all I remember was it made me feel better. Looking back, I was the perfect target for it. I was a kid, I was ignorant, I was still figuring myself out, I was single, I was bored, I was lonely, I was hurting, I didn't have any close friends. Then I fell into it aimlessly once, then I did it once again then the rest just became a blur. I didn't realize I was addicted until I tried to stop. I lasted a couple weeks, I fell back into it. That story repeated itself so many times that trying to quit and failing just became a normal part of the whole thing. I keep thinking of all the times I said "Its done" or "Never again". I can't say those now because at this point, I know I'm lying to myself. By now, I can already see the toll its taken. I quit going to church, I feel more agitated, my mental health has gone south, I can't think of girls or hear certain words without those kind of thoughts crossing my mind. I just feel so broken and weak and hopeless. That's the worst part, I've reached a point where I'm convinced that only some God-sent miracle can save me now. I think I've tried everything to quit. I still have Be A Man! By Fr. Larry Richards sitting my computer, my bible is collecting dust on my bed. I've tried apps (Detoxify, I still get e-mails from Fortify and I have another app called Victory, but I've never actually used it.) I've done the basics as well, church, praying, confession (I'm Catholic btw), reading the Bible. It was all a part of an attempt to quit that just made the inevitable failure feel 100 times worse. I've told only a few people (the priest I saw in confession), I feel to scared and ashamed to tell anyone else, not that I have anyone close enough to me to tell. I guess I'm here now asking for advice or ideas I maybe never heard. I would like nothing more than to give this all up, but I don't know where to start anymore or even if I can. I guess what scares me the most is the idea that somewhere deep down, subconsciously or something, is the idea that I don't want to get better. But honestly, I don't know anymore.....

Stats: Height- 5'9 Weight- 201 lbs Bench- 205 lbs Squat- 235 lbs

State of Life: I am 18 and still living at home. Currently, I work full time in a factory. Further and are uncertain.

Spiritually: I used to go to church every Sunday with my family, but we gradually stopped. I went with a sibling but stopped when they went to college. I went occasionally then Covid hit and I didn't get back into it. As I attended Catholic school, I went to confession every week and tried to attend school mass weekly. I prayed a decade of the rosary everyday between classes, but stopped after graduating.

Longest I've gone without falling: 12 days

Mission: To find God's purpose for me and His companion for me. The root of most of my problems stems from a lack of close relationships and I hoped to find a woman or even a friend that could help with this.