Very new here to RPC (and RP in general), but will try to tell my story . . . backwards.

Intro/current state

My wife (of 7 years) and I are currently separated. I'm staying with a friend and she's at the house we purchased last spring with our 4 kids (7, 4, 3, and 3). We have a had problems for many years (I'll get to my shortcomings below), and it all came to a head when I discovered on 10/31/20 that she was having an emotional affair with an old "friend" that included sending each other sexually explicit pics/vids and engaging in virtual sex. As a blue pill beta male, my world crashed.

Rules

As of now, my current mission is to get on the path to healing physically, spiritually, financially, socially, emotionally, and mentally. I don't need a woman for that. I also desire to build up other men. I led a small book study where we discussed a Christian book on manhood (Man Up by Jeff Hemmer) and I loved it (the book AND leading a group of men). So many of us are struggling, lost, and are getting swallowed up in this feminist-drunken society.

I'm 31, 5'9, 185 lbs, with about 20% bf (according to renpho scale). I lost 30 pounds last year from keto and hiit training, but am transitioning to heavy lifting. I want to do 4 more weeks of shredding w/ a non-keto diet and then start bulking.

I'm currently reading (MMSLP) and 12 Rules for life (not on the official curriculum, but seems to be appreciated among those in RP community). I own NMMNG and the rational male and will be starting those soon. Also considering the Way of Men by Jack Donovan.

I'm an attorney in a law firm and make about 155k. I've been a Christian for about 10 years and am pretty consistent in time with the Lord and other spiritual disciplines though I've struggled with porn/sexual immorality almost the entire time.

Back to my story...

One thing I've suffered from big time is ONEitis. My wife is beautiful, with gorgeous long (natural) hair, and a big ole FAT booty (we love that in my community ;-) . She's also extremely intelligent, very well-spoken, and a talented artist (she's a teacher by trade). The ONEitis has caused me to act in despicable ways out of fear of losing her.

We had problems in our relationship from the beginning. She had red flags that I ignored and we got pregnant within one year of meeting. We both realize that we never got to establish that foundation in our relationship b/c we had a child. But 4 kids later, here we are.

Because of my upbringing (mommy issues, low self esteem, dysfunctional family, etc.), I have always gotten very attached to women and have been extremely insecure. In my marriage (and before), I've read my wife's journals, gone through her phone and computer, and other things like that. I've also been extremely emotional while my wife is often very cold and callous. We both have serious issues, but that's my major one. Insecurity, lack of confidence. That's probably the biggest turn off. I know it's something I need to change.

She is no longer attracted to me and wants nothing to do with me romantically. But I continue to obsess about her, who's she's talking to etc. She's rejected me for sex many times at this point (when I come on the weekends) and I'm determined to not ask again.

Some things that RP has taught me. While my wife has some great qualities, I should not have married her. She is a Christian, but very immature and lacks self-discipline in absolutely every area of her life. Still, I do love her. Also, for the sake of our children and our community, I do want to try to save our marriage. I want to build myself up and become outcome independent, but I'm being upfront about my desires. I want to self improve, implement game, and other RP resources to rebuild and establish a healthy relationship.

I'll end this now, but I hope to walk alongside you guys while I try to rebuild my life.

Edit: Just got very discouraged by a MRP post on wives who commit infidelity. According to them, the only option is immediate divorce. I think my wife continues to lose respect for me because not only have I have not divorced her, but I tried to pursue her. I didn't post my story on MRP b/c I'd figured they'd come down hard on me.

Any advice/comments would be greatly, greatly appreciated.