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RedPill In Scripture: Judges 16 - Samson Nagged to Death

December 12, 2020
43 upvotes

What was a physically fatal error for Samson is a relational fatal error for many men. There is a myth in the church that your wife should be your best friend, your confidant, and your confessor. This is a lie. There is no expectation, let alone requirement, for patriarchs to behave this way toward their wife. In fact, you will be hard pressed to find examples of this sort of behavior in scripture. Samson caves to Delilah's terrible nagging and gets himself killed in the process. Presumably, he told her "no" until he finally broke down and told her his secret. He ought to have let his no be no.

Nonetheless, Samson is a fallen man and ultimately is undone. Samson's lover, Delilah, learns the secret to his strength and tells his enemies how to defeat him. Samson is then captured and tortured, only to find released in literally crashing a house party, killing himself and 3,000 enemies with him.

This post isn't to look at the various interpretations and applications of this story. Instead, we will examine a single critical section.

"And [Delilah] said to [Samson], "How can you say, 'I love you,' when your heart is not with me? You have mocked me these three times, and you have not told me where your great strength lies." And when she pressed him hard with her words day after day, and urged him, his soul was vexed to death. And he told her all his heart..." - Judges 16:15-17

Any bells ringing? Does this sound familiar? It probably does.

"How can you say, 'I love you,' when (fill in the blank)"

This is a common fitness test that is literally as old as the Bible. Most men who have become involved with a woman for any considerable length of time will likely encounter this one and the objection is seldom based in reality. In fact, guys who go out of their way to try and show their woman how much they love her often get this test the most. The problem is that she doesn't feel loved, and "feels is reals" despite concrete evidence to the contrary. A man might try to make her "feel" like he loves her, only to come off as desperate,disingenuous, and effeminate. Some men go too far the other way and become emotionally constipated emergencies.

So where does this test come from and how does a man go about his life in such a way that this isn't a problem for him? Simple: be successful in your mission and provide her with ways to participate with you in those achievements. The thing is, often women who don't "feel loved" aren't lacking for affection, but starving for affection from someone they genuinely admire. This makes intuitive sense. The affectionate gestures and words of a weak unaccomplished man mean nothing to her. Such a man cannot make her feel the love she wants because the problem isn't quantity of affection, but quality.

Conversely, she will not soon forget the smallest attention or affection from a successful, accomplished, driven, strong, admired, and talented man. Such a man can explode her feel sensors without speaking a word. A genuine smile or a knowing wink from such a hero-in-her-eyes will make her feel more loved than a hundred gestures or words of praise from a man she doesn't admire or respect as capable of exerting his will on the world.

The only thing better for a woman than having the affection a man she deeply admires, is to be able to participate in some way in the activities that he does that make him so admirable. Whatever that is, if she can do something to help him be successful in his mission, she will feel a deep sense of inclusion, contribution, and belonging. Despite the incessant propaganda from Hollywood, women are not heroic in nature. The mythologies, legends, tales, and histories of humanity are packed chock full of men and their accomplishments. The handful of exceptions that feminist point to are exactly that: exceptions. Feminists have to scour the history books or bend historical accuracy to the breaking point to find truly heroic women. Even so, this strong desire on the part of feminists reveals that women, despite their lack of innate heroism, have the desire to be heroic.

So how do they do this? They participate in the heroic through helping their men accomplish heroic deeds. For this Christian this should be obvious: God created women for the purpose of being a help-mate to men. A man who does not include his woman in some way in his mission is not only denying her participation in the heroic that she likely cannot fulfill herself, he is hindering her from being what God created her to be.

Back to Samson. Notice that Samson, while heroic, does not include Delilah in his mission. In fact, it is difficult to discern Samson's mission (if he even has one) from the text. It is little wonder that Delilah ends up in the frame of the Philistines and assisting them with their mission. This in on ways excuses Delilah of her treachery. Rather, it demonstrates the high cost of not managing your mission and your woman's participation in it.

"You have mocked me these three times, and you have not told me where your great strength lies"

Because Samson didn't tell her how to get him killed by his enemies, he was making a fool of her. Because you didn't take the trash out to the curb the night before, you made her slip on the icy sidewalk, which made her back hurt, which led to her having to take a longer shower, which caused her to be late to work, which almost got her fire. You carelessly putting her job in danger by not taking out the trash last night must just be your sick way of mocking her since you're a sociopath.

Women say wild things and make insane leaps of logic. Don't take the crazy bait. Sampson took the crazy bait and it cost him. Had he fogged, AA, AM, or simply STFU, the rest of the story may have been avoided.

"And when she pressed him hard with her words day after day, and urged him, his soul was vexed to death."

Ultimately, Sampson permitted this behavior. Whether it was oneitis, lack of abundance, or something else, Samson did not withdraw his time, presence, or attention when she engaged in this awful soul crushing behavior. Men, you will be treated as well as you expect or as poorly as you allow. Develop a low tolerance for bad behavior from people in your life, men and women alike. I cannot count the number of times women who behave poorly toward their men, yet automatically treat me with respect. This is something I cultivated early on in life and it has been extremely beneficial. The alternative is vexation to the point of death. Your call.

"And he told her all his heart..."

What was a physically fatal error for Samson is a relationally fatal error for many men. There is a myth in the church that your wife should be your best friend, your confidant, and your confessor. This is a lie. There is no expectation, let alone requirement, for patriarchs to behave this way toward their wife. In fact, you will be hard pressed to find examples of this sort of behavior in scripture. Samson caves to Delilah's terrible nagging and gets himself killed in the process. Presumably, he told her "no" until he finally broke down and told her his secret. He ought to have let his no be no.

Imagine a Samson who had super-human divine strength. Imagine a Samson who had a mission that he was laser focused on, yet still made time to be humorous and enjoy life. Imagine a Samson who gave Delilah a part to play in his mission, despite her faults. Would the story have turned out the way it did? Likely not. In fact, such a Samson would strongly resemble Christ. It is as though Christ were a better Samson.

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Post Information
Title RedPill In Scripture: Judges 16 - Samson Nagged to Death
Author OsmiumZulu
Upvotes 43
Comments 29
Date December 12, 2020 9:17 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RPChristians
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/redpill-in-scripture-judges-16-samson-nagged-to.558258
https://theredarchive.com/post/558258
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/kbm83l/redpill_in_scripture_judges_16_samson_nagged_to/
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Comments

[–]Torn4_025 12 points13 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

I actually wondered why Samson got such a bothersome woman if he was basically the strongest man on earth. Like no man could out lift him and yet that still wasn't good enough for her not to be a back stabber.

This post however cleared that up. His frame was weak since he didn't tell that thot to be gone and use his strength to advance a clear mission for God.

[–]Continuous-Metanoia 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Delilah was the ultimate thot in Scripture.

[–]Willow-girlParticipation Trophy Wife 4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Mental strength doesn't always go hand-in-hand with physical strength, though.

[–]Torn4_025 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I have a cousin that loves to lift and looks totally ripped, but married a wife that basically controls him and he just says "yes dear" at most now. Then again he needed her just to get though collage and move out of his parent's house. So he got a better deal than many BP guy's get considering she is in school to be doctor and does seem quite affectionate toward him.

So I already know being mentally weak or having weak frame renders physical strength moot in a LTR or marriage.

[–]arjungmenon 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Interesting.

[–]johngalt1234 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sure. And Samson got granted his strength that didn't actually come from hard work but the Holy Spirit.

If it did then physical strength will correlate with mental strength more.

[–]Continuous-Metanoia 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Define mental strength

[–]Willow-girlParticipation Trophy Wife 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Frame?

[–]PatchThePiracy 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

"Not by strength, nor by might, but by spirit."

[–]justmeOKD 7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Note she was not his wife , she was a prostitute .

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.

[–]OsmiumZuluMod | Trapasaurus Rex 🦖 | Married 8y[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

she was a prostitute

While a popular, and fairly traditional reading, this is actually not strongly exegetically established by the text and has been a matter of dispute for centuries.

"Samson went to Gaza, and there he saw a prostitute, and he went in to her... After this he loved a woman in the Valley of Sorek, whose name was Delilah." - Judges 16:1, 4

Notice the shift to a future time in verse 4, and rather than reference to the prostitufe it states "a woman" named Delilah. There is nothing grammatically that urges the reader to believe that Delilah and the prostitute were the same woman, in fact it seems to slightly militate against that understanding.

It is certainly possible that Delilah was a prostitute, Samson clearly had a fondness for them, but the text in no direct way establishes this.

I think this is important because many Christian men have their guard up against obviously loose and disloyal women, that they fail to realize how the ones who don't appear at first glances to be thots can actually be just as bad if not more dangerous. If Delilah wasn't a prostitute but an otherwise fairly normal seeming hot woman, we see just how important is it to understand AWALT.

[–]Throwaway45344543 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Exactly this. Proverbs 31 details a good, upright woman. The lesson to take from this is to be discerning in who you take into your home and life, because it will determine whether your trust and confidence will be undermined. It holds as true for women as it does for men.

[–]WhereProgressIsMade 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Eh. Not in this case. Samson's wife did the same thing to him in Judges 14:12-18. He got so mad at her that her father figured he hated her so much they were basically divorced and married her off to someone else.

[–]CashSplash1231 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

Good stuff.

Especially the part about having a low tolerance for disrespect.

In my wanderings, I’ve noticed if you tolerate disrespect, you will be disrespected. Especially in the early stages of friendships, dating, etc. Don’t be afraid to move on, and just say next. Quality people might few and far between, but they are worth searching for and holding onto.

[–]wemmington223 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Absolutely

[–]TAUTJ 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’ve noticed if you tolerate disrespect, you will be disrespected.

I'm not sure what the exact quote is but I've heard something along the lines of "you get more of whatever you tolerate" or "whatever you permit, you promote" or even "what you allow, you encourage".

[–]rocknrollchuckMod | 51M | Married 13 yrs 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is an awesome biblical example!

[–]TAUTJ 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I would also add this is a prime example of why we have the Old Testament, to learn from, and in this case self-control.

Samson just might be the antithesis of self-control in the Bible. There is also an irony that Samson should have quite literally crushed the Philistine nation into the Mediterranean but instead falls to woman, Delilah. Interesting to note that her nationality is not given but I do not think she was a prostitute as some have speculated as it would most likely been written as in verse 1 (regardless though, it doesn't really matter and detracts from the message)

Multiple verses from Proverbs are applicable here; 5:3-6, 15-20, 6:23-26 and the entirety of chapter 7.

Because you didn't take the trash out to the curb the night before, you made her slip on the icy sidewalk, which made her back hurt, which led to her having to take a longer shower, which caused her to be late to work, which almost got her fire. You carelessly putting her job in danger by not taking out the trash last night must just be your sick way of mocking her since you're a sociopath.

/u/OsmiumZulu/, is this speaking from experience? :D I call this catastrophizing.

[–]OsmiumZuluMod | Trapasaurus Rex 🦖 | Married 8y[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The exact example was fictitious, though I've encountered similarly absurd "catastophizing" spirals.

[–]Background-Camera109 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

" Had he fogged, AA, AM, or simply STFU, the rest of the story may have been avoided. "

I think the thrust of the story is showing that the major problem was Samson's own lack of concern for the ways of the Lord. The problem with Delilah primarily was that she was a Philistine, not of the people of God. Marrying outside the faith is always disastrous. If women could always be pressed into the mold of the faith by their husbands there would have been no need for the Biblical prohibition against marrying Gentile women, which was all about religion, not race.

I don't think any amount of game could salvage this situation. Samson's love for women, far above his love for God, was the central problem. And it demonstrates- women have a lot of power, sometimes more than even the strongest man, especially when that man loves women more than he loves God. But it is heartwarming to see his repentance at the end of the story.

[–]OsmiumZuluMod | Trapasaurus Rex 🦖 | Married 8y[S] 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Marrying outside the faith is always disastrous.

Boaz married Ruth, a Moabite woman, in faithfulness. Moses married Zipporah, a Midianite. Joseph married Asenath, daughter of an Egyptian priest of On. God even gave his people instruction on how to lawfully take foreign women from conquered enemies.

"When you go to war against your enemies and the Lord your God delivers them into your hands and you take captives, 11 if you notice among the captives a beautiful woman and are attracted to her, you may take her as your wife." - Deuteronomy 21:10-11

The Bible in generally against exogamy, but to say that it is always disastrous is just simply not the case.

[–]Background-Camera109 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You're right- saying "always disastrous" is an overstatement. But your examples aren't all great ones--Ruth adopted the faith of Naomi before she ever met Boaz.

-Zipporah's father was Jethro, a priest, who appears to have some knowledge and allegiance to Jehovah. He may very well have been a priest of Jehovah. There was knowledge of Jehovah outside of the Hebrews- see Melchizedek, for example.-We have no information about whether Joseph's marriage was a good one or not.

Pagan women are sometimes willing to adopt the faith of their husbands. That seems to be the case with Rebekah and Leah, though perhaps not Rachel. I think that's why it was important to take those women out of their home cultures, while at the same time Abraham insisted that his son not marry any of the pagan women in the land of Canaan. Likewise, the people of Israel were forbidden to marry any of the women in the land of Canaan when they went there. The worry was that the women would lead the men away from the true faith. (Deuteronomy 7)

But more broadly, the whole thrust of the story of Samson was how little concern he had for God's law and covenant, and how much he loved women. The same thing happened to Solomon- his love of women led him astray to apostatize from Jehovah. And surely Solomon was an alpha male- wealthy and powerful beyond any of our wildest imaginations. Yet the love of women led him astray.

That seems to me to be the central thrust of Samson's story- his lack of fidelity to Jehovah, not his lack of game with Delilah.

[–]OsmiumZuluMod | Trapasaurus Rex 🦖 | Married 8y[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That seems to me to be the central thrust of Samson's story- his lack of fidelity to Jehovah, not his lack of game with Delilah.

Sure, and no one is suggesting that his lack of game was the primary point of this passage. Nonetheless, he lacked it in a bad way and we can learn from that.

[–]Background-Camera109 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, I can agree with that.

[–]WhereProgressIsMade 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The frustrating part is he didn't learn his lesson. Samson's wife did the same thing to him before in Judges 14:12-18.

[–]ApplicationEnough267 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

My wife is killing me. I work 60 hours a week and give 100% of my income to her (around 6k per month). The only money I can have for my self is gas money and money I can buy her gifts with. This is strictly micro managed and if I’m caught spending on anything else I’ll be screamed at for hours. When I get home from work I have jobs that must be completed or I will be screamed at. First dinner must be cooked, all dishes must be cleaned, and nothing can be left on the tables or in the sink. Next we watch 2 hours of her television programs. At this point I’m exhausted from hard manual labor all day long and am falling asleep on the couch. I will be screamed at for this. Her screams are high pitched and almost seem to penetrate my very being, hard to explain but it is horrible. After this I must shower. She sets out shampoo and conditioner portions for me and chooses a soap. It is usually in a pink bottle. Next is movie in bed. She will choose a movie and I will be made to tickle her back during the entirety of the movie. If I fall asleep or stop tickling I will be screamed at. Sometimes I pretend I need to use the bathroom so I can have a moment to myself. I am doing that right now to write this thread. This will be interrupted shortly by pounding on the bathroom door and a demand on how Much longer will I be in here. Back in the bedroom I will have my daily complaints about me. This ranges from me not giving her enough money, me not having enough stylish clothes or me not paying her any attention. If I try to say something like “honey I pay every bill, I pay for all the food and give you 600$ per week I’m sorry I don’t have any more then I will not get any sleep that night. The last time I said this I had a knife thrown at me. All I do is say yes honey I’m sorry I’ll do better. She then will continue to complain and tell me she is sick of hearing sorry. I then wake up at 6am after 4 hours of sleep if lucky. I’m only aloud to sleep once she is asleep. The morning she will make demands from the bedroom as I get ready. A coffee needs to be brewed and put in the freezer for her so that when she wakes up (around 11am) she has a cold coffee. I usually have 2 or three other morning chores such as vacuuming of cleaning bathroom. If this isn’t done screaming will be done and I’m late for work. If she needs any email or phone correspondence I will have to do that too. Many times I’ve been late for work as I’ve had to take calls for her regarding insurance companies or cell phone providers etc. I then go to work and I am expected to answer my phone at all costs and at all times. If not it is considered ignoring her and she will non stop blow up my phone and will not let me sleep that night.

It was my birthday 2 weeks ago and I told her all I wanted was a day to relax. No presents just a day with no alarm clock, no work and no chores. She agreed but then when my bday arrived she demanded I do her laundry, run the dishwasher. I snapped at this point and told her I was done. She blocked the front door and started cutting her wrists. Blood was everywhere and I spend the rest of my day cleaning her wounds. I don’t know what to do. I look like shit and have no energy. Every day is like a fog with a constant shrieking nag in the back of my head. Please help.

[–]rocknrollchuckMod | 51M | Married 13 yrs 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I approved your comment; however, this is a domestic violence situation, something that is beyond the scope of the purpose of this sub. Start documenting the abuse, especially the cutting, and get help. Here's how to pre-empt the DV charge you will likely face at some point.

[–]Adept-Mongoose 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Bro, please get yourself a lawyer ASAP and help from the elders of your church. Reach out to friends and get a damn therapist.

Then plan an escape as soon as possible, once legal precautions are taken.

Document everything with video, audio and photograph if you can— but don’t do it in an obvious way that might give your escape away.

[–]johnduster 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great write up! Pretty much every christian marriage books will falsely claim you need to be totally transparent with your wife. Most women will brow beat you just like Delilah if she knows you are withholding any piece of information from her. It's all just so she can have power over you. You have to live in the frame like a parent to a child-- you choose what information you share with your wife. Do you have $50,000 in crypto hidden from your wife? Keep your mouth shut. Did your secretary give you a blowy in the broom closet at work? Keep your shut. As a man your only obligation is to have a clear concinous before God. Don't be dumping all your fears failures and insecurities in your wife. SHE DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYWAY. One thing I think that is significant is that during this time Samson was the leader of israel. He was smashing hookers and God didn't seem very bent over it. Judah also smashed hoes and God didn't reprimand him for it. God doesn't seem to get very upset over men having sex with hoes like modern church culture does. The real issue with smashing hoes I think has less to do with the act itself than the fact that it generally means you are placing vagina on a pedestal over God.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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