In about a month and a half, it will be 2 years since I found the red pill. I was 245lbs, 5'9", had never lifted in my life, hated victim culture but did a great job of painting myself as a victim puking victim of victim culture, had no enforced boundaries, massive nice guy tendencies as in NMMNG, and in general was not a very attractive fellow. My wife was actively and openly preparing to leave me and all I could do was rage in my own mind that it was unfair to destroy me that way.

Since then, things have changed.

I developed some boundaries, often enforcing them like a wannabe John Rambo, though this has gradually improved. I learned to stop DEERing (usually at least). I learned to stop hating my wife's new friends, and instead turn them into an advantage.

I started lifting. I lost weight. In 2 years I've gone from ~245lbs to 187lbs +/- 2lbs depending on day. I've gone from lifting the bar (though that was certainly easy) to current 1RMs of 422 DL, 210 Bench, 360 SQ, 127 OHP. I have gone from not being able to do pullups to grabbing stuff I walk by sometimes and just pumping a few out. I've gone from never practicing BJJ in my life to being able to hold off a blue belt from tapping me fairly regularly, though obviously even white belts get the best of me at times. I'm at the gym lifting or at BJJ at LEAST 4 days a week, usually 5, sometimes 6.

But I have weaknesses still. One I intend to write on and get some advice in the OYS.

Today, however, I want to talk about bodyfat. Despite the immense improvements that are very real, I have a problem that is probably mainly mental/force-of-will, but I'm not sure.

See, I track my food off and on, but not consistently. This is the first part of the problem. I have to show up EVERY day with the tracking to make this work. And not make exceptions for anything. But despite planning to do this repeatedly, I don't SHOW UP with it.

The second part of my problem is that I love chips, apparently more than the idea of having 12% bodyfat, because I keep eating chips if they are around, and I don't have 12% bodyfat, even though it's there for the taking if I chose it over chips.

The third part of my problem is that my wife makes good stuff for our Sunday dinner (generally w/guests) and basically all the week's improvements are trashed the next day when I'm back up 3 lbs. I did mention my wife here, but only for context; I chose to put the food in my mouth in those quantities, and in the moment when it happens, I'm not even thinking about fitness.

As you can see, I am not taking this seriously enough and thus I am still carrying around excess fat.

I have journaled about this and started writing my goals for the day down each morning. This has been fairly successful when I have time to journal, but when I don't, it obviously doesn't happen.

I have set reminders in my phone, which are great when they go off.

Since I do the main grocery shopping, I simply refuse to buy chips, but my wife buys them for her in home daycare. Then I run across them, and 1 chip turns into a couple handfuls. Again, I chose to put them in my mouth. I know it's me.

I do think part of it is I'm no longer angry at my wife's behavior the vast majority of the time, so I can't fuel my workouts from that like I did early on.

Men of RPC, what must I do to build an iron will here and accomplish my goals? What am I missing? Is it friends that will hold me accountable? Is it some mindfulness thing? Is food my idol? I have been stalled here, weight wise, for months now.