Hello everyone!

I'm very glad to have found this community, because I've been struggling for years now between wanting to be effective at finding a stable life partner for family purposes on one hand, and wanting to be exclusively and resoundingly monogamous (whilst fully respecting all females) on the other.

I'm a 27yr-old straight male, baptised in the Eastern Orthodox faith, and I believe that a monogamous marriage is the best option not just for most individuals, but also for societies as a whole. Polygamy has been a reemerging alternative in various modern lifestyles, but from what I've seen and read, it inevitably leads to power struggles which erode and ultimately destroy communities, seeing as the sexual nature-based dominance hierarchies are merciless in terms of power distribution. For every accomplished alpha male, there's an insurmountable number of beta males who face hardships in such societal systems, often enough ending up without any progeny whatsoever... and even though there are people who, like monks, choose spouseless and even fully solitary lifestyles due to having a higher calling, I have a sneaking suspicion that none of them would even come to this subreddit in the first place, and neither would alpha males.

Having said that, my problem is this: while I do support Christian monogamy with all of my heart, I... don't fully subscribe to *all* the cornerstones of Christianity, so not only am I not sure what that makes me exactly, but it also makes my walk of faith way harder and more confusing.

Namely, I've got great troubles with believing in the resurrection of the body and the existence of any afterlife whatsoever. I can only barely imagine Christ Himself coming back to life for some people in some way, let alone everyone else actually getting permanently physically resurrected at the end of time (and why should the bodies of the dead be preserved at all, if God can perfectly (re)create them out of nothing?)... and I guess I "justify" some of my doubts/unbeliefs using the idea that the collective unconscious can put even huge groups of people into dream-like states which are basically mass hallucinations... and it isn't a long way from there to being flat-out delusional and fabricating even hearsay evidence to protect your hopes and dreams, even believing that those dreams are a fully credible reality in the process. And even if it *is* credible, I've never really been able to share in it. Also, I'm kinda afraid of churches... or I was, but even without the issues of the current pandemic, I've stopped visiting them, and I don't know what would make me reconsider them to begin with.

My personal experience with my faith is that most of it can be argued away and that it takes courage to remain in it, not to speak of finding it again... which I did for the most part, but I guess what I just described qualifies me as a Sadducee or something. Still, I believe in most of the rest that Christianity has to offer, including monogamy. The real question is, how do I keep on living a Christian dating life without having real guts to lose my life and find it again? Surely, the idea of monogamy does not rest SOLELY on the idea of Christianity?

Any help you could offer will be appreciated, so thank you in advance!