Screening for a Wife: The Foundation (Part I)
Disclaimer: AWALT remains true. There is no 100% effective way to screen for undesirable female behavior. All women come equipped with both hamster and wheel. That said, the following post provides a framework to help screen out candidates who are most likely to be disloyal or otherwise unsuitable for marriage.
In this post I am assuming that you have already familiarized themselves with, and put into real practice, the general concepts of The Red Pill. I am assuming you know how to be attractive and not be unattractive.
- Faith - You know what you believe solidly and can comfortably share it with others
- Fitness - Sub 15% body fat (at least), intermediate level lifts, or otherwise "built" or "shredded" look.
- Finances - Able to live comfortably on your own income.
If you aren't thriving in these three areas, you need to focus on improving them and come back to this post later. Missing those benchmarks will all but guarantee you are only going to attract low-tier women who you wouldn't want to commit to anyway. Lastly, assuming you have the "3 F's" in check, I am assuming you are able to attract and game women. If you aren't that far along, don't worry about screening for a suitable wife yet. Go back to the sidebars then go out and practice. Skipping basic training and heading to the battlefield before you are ready is a great way to get your face shot off.
Foundation #1 - Mission / Worldview
A family member of mine used to be a bank teller. Part of her job was screening currency for counterfeit. Rather than teaching her what counterfeit bills look like, her instructor taught her what the genuine article looked like. By becoming intimately familiar with what genuine greenbacks looked like, she was able to easily spot and screen out counterfeit bills.
Developing a solid and well defined worldview and mission works similarly. The better you understand this world, and your mission in it, the more capable you will be to screen out those who do not match up with you. A wife is supposed to be a helper. You cannot determine whether or not she can be a helper to you if you do not know what you need help with.
Having a robust framework of thought and conviction on matters of religion, family, politics, economics, etc. is likewise imperative. The better developed your worldview (the interconnected nature of these and other topics) the easier it will be for you to determine if someone else's worldview is compatible.
Finally, the more well studied you are the more fascinating and mysterious you will seem to others, which can be very attractive. Throughout my life I've been accused of being a "mind reader" because I somehow "get" someone better than they understand themselves within an hour of meeting them. This is a consequence of being well studied and being able to see how seemingly disparate thoughts intersect. More than a party trick, this allows one to make close connections quickly and screen people far more efficiently.
Developing Your Worldview:
I cannot supply you with your mission, that is ultimately between you and God. That said, here are some tips on developing a solid worldview:
Tip 1: Take a stand on hot button / controversial topics. What is your position on:
- Pre-marital sex?
- Credo-baptism vs Pedo-baptism?
- Pre-destination vs Autonomous free will?
- Capitalism vs Socialism?
- Statism vs Individualism?
- The death penalty?
- Is smoking marijuana a sin?
- Etc. etc. etc.
If you are decidedly undecided, fix that. Take a stand. Don't be dogmatic about it and be willing to entertain arguments against your belief. Ultimately what you believe about these and other "theoretical" concepts will be the concrete and screws that hold your frame together. Frame, as you should know by now, is everything. A woman, especially your future wife, will constantly test your frame. Better build it with formidable solid stuff like theology and philosophy than with pop-psychology and bubble gum. Taking stances on controversial topics acts as an early screen. If you are outspoken in your belief that feminism is cancer, SJW feminist snowflakes will melt when they encounter you and screen themselves out.
Tip 2: Consume quality information in copious amounts. Don't just read blog posts and reddit comments. As good and helpful as many of them are, often the richest content to be found is in books. Branch out from the sidebar. Search for the most influential books in human history for any given topic. I would recommend getting them as audio-books and play them with a player that allows you to control the speed. Start with 1.25 speed, then once you adapt, turn it to 1.5 speed. Continue to incrementally increase the speed until you are used to hearing content coming at you at 2 times speed. This not only allows you to consume twice as much information and get far better use of your time, but it will train your mind to think faster which will aid you on thinking on your feet in real world conversations. I have been listening to almost all of my audio book and podcast content at about 2.25 speed for the last several years and have benefited tremendously from it.
Tip 3: Ask questions of the smart people around you. You probably know people who have studied a given topic in detail that could help you shortcut your learning. Sometimes the hardest part of developing your worldview is not knowing enough about the topic to know what questions to ask. Talking to a real life person will help distill down years worth of study into a few hours, which will dramatically reduce your learning curve. For example, I have recently begun studying the Civil War and the events leading up to it. A friend of mine has a small library of books he has read on the topic. Just talking to him about it for a couple hours has given me a whole new framework that makes the topic infinitely more approachable.
Tip 4: Teach or debate your beliefs to deepen your understanding and conviction. By having to teach your stance, or defend it against someone who opposes it, you will gain a far deeper knowledge and conviction on the matter. Deficits in your understanding will be exposed which then allows you to go back and fill in the gaps with better information later. Whether it be faith, politics, or anything else of substance, do this enough and you will be rock-solid confident in your worldview. Even without discussing the topics, the mental confidence this rock solid conviction creates will naturally come out in your interactions with others and confidence creates wet panties.
Tip 5: Change your mind when you are presented with better evidence. Slavish devotion to a belief is mere dogmatism.
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. - Aristotle
That said, there comes a time when growth demands we abandon one belief for another. It is a humbling thing to admit that you were wrong, but there is power in knowing that you are more devoted to The Truth than an ideology.
Foundation #2 - Abundance
In the previous post we looked at the first foundation required to successfully screen for a wife. Now we will look closely at the second foundational element: abundance.
Oneitis - An unhealthy romantic obsession with one person that leads to impaired judgement. Faults are overlooked and merits are exaggerated.
One cannot expect to reliably screen for a wife while experiencing oneitis. By focusing disproportionately on one woman, you experience tunnel vision and will lack the ability to objectively evaluate her faults and merits. Only by having viable alternatives will you be able to know for sure that a decision was reached out of reasonable evaluation and not out of skewed perception based on scarcity.
Imagine you were in the market to buy a car. Imagine that there was only one dealership in town, and that dealership had only one car in your price range. In such a scenario you are far more likely to overlook the vehicle's faults and settle. This is what scarcity does. What would any reasonable person do? They would expand their options (improve abundance) by looking at other towns and other dealerships. By expanding the range of viable options one positions themselves to make better decisions. This is basic economics: competitive markets provide more value at a lower price to the consumer. This is obvious on its face in the realm of purchasing a vehicle, but many fail to apply the same reasoning to their romantic efforts. Do not fall for the Disney fairy tale trap; there is no "one" until a ring is on the finger.
Not only will building abundance enhance your ability to make an informed objective decision, there is a compounding effect at play. A man who has several women interested in him reaps the benefits of social proof, pre-selection, and high-value status. Every woman attracted to him makes it more likely for additional women to be attracted to him. Abundance breeds abundance. Further, if a man has visible abundance when he selects a woman to marry, the marriage starts with a baseline level of dread. This baseline dread has an "anchoring" effect that works in the man's favor. She will always have the satisfaction of beating other women to The Prize(tm), but will know that the man didn't have to choose her and could replace her if he needed to. When I went exclusive with my wife, there were about six other viable women in our social circle who were clearly into me. Over five years later, my wife still gets giddy knowing she beat out the other women and has never doubted my high-status and ability to attract women, thus experiencing a low level dread that gets her panties wet to this day.
For the sake of brevity I will not elaborate here on how to build abundance. Perhaps that could be a future post if there is a demand for it. Suffice to say, the sidebar of this and other RP subs have plenty of material on the matter.
The following post will be less theory and much more practical in nature. (i.e., how to get her to reveal her thinking, how to asses her for consistency, etc.) Stay tuned.