Sectarian issues finding relationships?

momentsofnicole · 2021-01-25T16:36:23+00:00

My Dad was brought up Catholic and then became born again nondenominational. My Mom was brought up Pentecostal. They met at Wheaton.

I asked before about issues with their differences in faith. Apparently my Mom wanted us children to be far more protected than my Dad who wanted us to be lights in the world. So we grew up not so forbidden from anything so much as encouraged more to do good things.

Regardless of what denomination you adhere to or identify as, IMO the most important attitude to consider is how you view the Bible. Both my parents have had Bibles basically fall apart a few times in my observation.

So is the foundation of your relationship God's Word or is it something else?

WhereProgressIsMade · 2021-01-25T15:40:08+00:00

The main thing is if she's going to follow you or not since the Bible makes clear the husband is the spiritual leader of the house. The closer her beliefs were before the relationship, the better. Women are almost always more flexible when they're trying to catch you than they are after you commit.

Proper_Screen · 2021-01-25T20:49:12+00:00

Funnily enough, I'm Baptist, and my wife is Presbyterian.

Mostly it's not a big deal. The key is to agree on the theological Big Stuff. We agree that baptism, whether infant or believer's, is not salvation, and that free will vs predestination isn't very relevant to anything other than arguments over stuff we humans can't even understand fully anyway.

f3m1n15m15c4nc3r · 2021-01-26T04:04:15+00:00

My uncle and aunt are Protestant and Catholic respectively. In the UK, this is a HUGE deal and was even more so when they got married in the 80s. It caused them significant family problems until my aunt became a Protestant and was shunned by her original family.

I don’t believe a couple with different viewpoints can have a successful marriage unless at least one of them does not hold said viewpoint(s) to be of any importance. My wife and I converged very closely in terms of religious views after a couple of years of marriage.

Red-Curious · 2021-01-25T17:18:45+00:00

First, if you're still in "I gotta find a wife" mode, your thinking is off. Read my "finding the girl you can't keep yourself from banging" posts on the sidebar.

Second, sectarianism within the Church is stupid and unbiblical.

Third, women will adapt to your frame if you're an attractive, competent leader. Who cares whether they think differently from you before they're in your frame?

onelousypetunia · 2021-01-26T05:25:21+00:00

You need a godly woman who will respect you and follow you well. That is all. You’re welcome.

coffeefrog92 · 2021-01-26T07:31:27+00:00

You will most likely find that the differences between sects will be trivial for you and your wife. But where they will blow up us once children are involved. You need to be as on the same page as humanly possible when it comes to raising kids.

Do you agree on the issues that pertain to how your children will work out their salvation? i.e. veneration of Saints, baptism, Christology etc. I think these would be the important things to line up on with your future wife

mumsheila · 2021-01-26T15:02:18+00:00

If you are to be truly equally yoked, then you must be on the same page religion wise. The main thing of course is to be saved by Jesus, but you can't be one person who is against premarital sex and wants to raise your child with a certain set of morals and your wife or husband I have the attitude that it sex is no big deal excetera.

Senior-Veterinarian6 · 2021-01-26T17:13:10+00:00

Dude once you go deep in your beliefs about who God is, a lot of people call others a sect because they don’t believe like you. Being a child of God means you put your faith in Christ shed blood alone as your only hope for salvation.

The point is once you go deep in studying the Bible and your relationship with Christ, you’re inevitably going to hold different beliefs with other Christians. The important thing is finding a partner that is born again. And it depends on you and your prospective partner if it’s a deal breaker. If being a cessationist for example and the girl you’re interested in is not, if thats important to you. Usually being hung up on specifics is for idiots, unless it’s a big Doctrinal difference. Usually if a girl is godly, that’s all that matters. But in some cases in can be a real point of disagreement and incompatibility. Just find someone that is godly.

Get your mind molded to Christlikeness by regular Bible study and prayer, doing it and find someone that does likewise. Shouldn’t be a problem in general unless you have some very specific doctrinal stance that you consider a dealbreaker, for example the belief the kjv is the actual word of god and the rest aren’t. That can be a big dealbreaker if you believe in that and your prospective partner is grounded in her faith but doesn’t believe in that.

It’s okay to hold firmly to your beliefs if it varies, just don’t be so hung up in every single doctrine as a deal breaker if it’s not that important is my point. Otherwise you limit your pool to literally a few group of people that believe like you do and probably won’t ever get married.

Background-Camera109 · 2021-01-27T00:20:08+00:00

I think the practical issues are- are you going to go to church together? If so, whose church? Are you just going to follow her? That's a red flag in a bunch of ways. Then- how about baptizing your children? What are you going to teach them? These things can be surprisingly messy, so I'd make sure you were on the same page before going much further.

The different denominations mostly exist for good reasons, because of substantial differences in the faith. Even the difference between Reformed Baptist and more classical Reformed, or the difference between Lutheran and Presbyterian, are significant, and likely to be sources of tension unless one or both of you don't take your faith seriously, which of course raises a whole different set of questions. It affects outlooks on child-rearing, views on repentance, worship, nature of salvation, relationship to politics, etc etc. I wouldn't ignore it. I don't think that means that all cross-denominational relationship is impossible. But I think it needs to be paid attention to.

I think most importantly, make sure you're strong in your understanding of the faith, and are equipping yourself to lead. Then the right woman is the one who will follow.

redarcher99 · 2021-02-01T10:45:49+00:00

Depends on the differences, how strong you both are in your convictions and how mature you both are in dealing with them. I don't see them as a deal breaker but you will need to avoid letting it get in the way of you following God.

The sort of questions you might need to consider are: What church will you attend? What school would you send your kids to? How and when would you baptise your kids if you had them?

Ideally denominations help us to avoid getting distracted and quarrelling over minor issues so we can focus on the gospel and making disciples.

PRW63 · 2021-01-26T16:00:56+00:00

but as Christian thought and opinion becomes increasingly striated, will this mean finding that special person moves from difficult to impossible?

Yes. Difficult to impossible. It is almost difficult to impossible on the secular side of things to begin with,...then add on top of that all the Christian filtering,....

The unequally yoked thing gets twisted all the time. Biblically it just means that both are "saved". There were no denominations or differences in beliefs at that time. Although the church had it's heretics, the church was still over all consistent in its beliefs. The "mess" didn't happen until Constantine made Christianity the "state religion" of Rome and then the Roman system perverted it, splits followed, etc, etc.

Title	Sectarian issues finding relationships?
Author	Shrrrrpa
Upvotes	13
Comments	27
Date	January 25, 2021 3:27 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/l4q1qt/sectarian_issues_finding_relationships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/sectarian-issues-finding-relationships.737280 https://theredarchive.com/post/737280