The title comes from an old proverb, and it rings as true today as any time in history.

Before you embark on any journey, whether in relationships or life in general, consider well the experiences and expertise of the one leading you or the one you’re learning from.

Have they sailed in troubled waters? Have they handled various challenges? Been through difficult trials?

How often?

And what did they learn from them?

Because these experiences give knowledge and expertise, they hone skills and grant a steady hand that is evident in their actions.

And you need both, the experience and the expertise.

What if you’re sailing with someone who has only sailed in smooth seas, but got caught up in a terrible storm while with you? Would you want to be there with him and hope he have this covered?

He has experience, but only when the waters are calm.

You have no idea how he would handle a challenge.

And challenges will come.

They do to all of us.

The question is, who do you want with you when they arrive?

As the old knight in Indiana Jones said…

 

Choose wisely

 

Would you go on a trek across the jungle with a johnny-come-lately who’s never hacked his way through the bush? One who’s never dealt with dangerous terrain or wild animals who’d happily eat you alive?

Closer to home, would you rather trust an investor who’s made good gains through good and bad economic times, or just the one who’s seen tremendous gains during a bullish market?

The same applies to relationships.

Ladies, choose a man to lead you who has “been through the fire” spiritually and is faithful. Does he have the experience and expertise not just in his walk with God, but in other important areas?

He will be your head and authority, if you choose to marry him, make sure you’ve thoroughly vetted him. Past experiences matter, the good and the bad.

Men, make sure you’re prepared to lead. Your future woman as well as who you disciple. And seek carefully who you decide to learn from and let lead you. It matters.

 

Knowledge and experience

 

Knowledge is important. It’s essential. But it is experience that gives insight and wisdom, it gives gut feelings that are often accurate, a “knowing” that sometimes can’t be explained, and a fine application of knowledge that proves to be right more often than not.

And application is where the rubber meets the road, but what many don’t like to hear is that more perfect application often comes with unwanted experiences…

 

Find a man who fails

 

Many years ago, I once heard a man say he learned more from his failures than his successes.

You will find this true more times than not.

In your search for a leader or someone to learn from, it’s often better if they’ve experienced failure, even multiple times. Failures and setbacks are a great teacher, in addition to being humbling.

The “catch” is that you need one who has failed and learned from it, and subsequently has experienced successes!

While not a requirement per se, it’s important to note that failures should be looked upon somewhat favorably (context depending), as a vehicle that can (or has) lead to growth and future successes, and not as a deal breaker in every instance.

 

Getting God’s Thoughts

 

In considering this topic, you, like me, may call to mind the biblical passage:

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-4

We’re perfected through testing and trials. They’ll come. Count it joy when they do, because they prepare you and me for better things. In our personal lives, in discipling and leading others, in who you choose to be discipled or led by.

You can apply this same principle in most things you do, most certainly in relationships.

Again, ladies, consider this well in your choice of a man.

And men, have you been tested and ready to lead?

If not, are you around others who can guide you, those who have wisdom and a steady hand, those with godly advice and can get you back on track if needed?

Find them. You will discover they are essential, and pillars for a happier, more prosperous life.

To skilled sailors, in life and on the seas,

RPW