Moses had 10, Poon has 16. I was reviewing these once again after listening to one of u/redpillcoach's videos on the subject and realized we'd never talked about this. So, here goes.


I. Never say 'I Love You' first

God modeled this first. The Bible certainly communicates God's love for us before we communicate it to him, but this is in a corporate sense. "For God so loved the world" is tantamount to telling a woman, "I love chicks," and not, "I love you, specifically." Is a woman going to get butterflies and goosebumps at the thought: "I'm a chick, so that means he must love me!"? No. That's idiotic.

In our own personal relationship with God, God draws us to himself, but it is our profession of love for him that he seeks. As I have often said on this sub (most notably in the 109 post), the Bible communicates vastly more often about our imperative to pursue God than his pursuit of us, which is most often reserved for stragglers who are already in his fold, yet happen to wander away.

God's profession of love in response to us is most often through his actions and not his words. While God does clearly love us, our individual experience of God's love is not something communicated very often in the Bible - and certainly not in a post-prophetic world (not that I reject the concept of minor prophecies, but none that rise to the level and mass-applicability as Scripture). As I have noted from time to time, the Bible seems more concerned with God's corporate relationship with his people than an individual one.

Someone will invariably note (appropriately) that God really does only have a singular bride, though. Each person is like a cell in that bride's body, and each cluster of cells is a specific part of the body. So, perhaps when God speaks corporately toward his church, one could argue that he is is still professing his love toward his bride. Fair enough. But notice the time-frame in which this happens. God's profession of love in John 3:16 is toward the whole world - not just his bride. All of "chick-kind." It is only after we make our profession of love and faith toward him that we become part of the church, after which his professions of love in Scripture apply to us.

There's also a line of theology that differentiates between groups of people God loves and those he doesn't, suggesting that God only loves those who have received the Gospel by grace through faith. While one branch of theology suggests that God's love is extended to all and it is merely for us to accept or reject it, another prominent branch suggests that God does not love non-Christians at all - that his love doesn't invoke toward us until after we have been reconciled to God through Christ. So, there's that.


II. Make her jealous

God did it first. Heartiste notes: "The partner who harnesses the gale storm of jealousy controls the direction of the relationship." Interestingly, God does not have to "make" anyone jealous - his very existence and supremacy places this as the default state for the church.

As Christians, it is our active goal and desire to cause others to seek and find Christ - but we do this in the context of them becoming part of God's bride: the church. So, our jealousy is not over incorporating non-Christians as Christ's bride.

But we are jealous nonetheless. First, we are jealous among each other. There are countless sects and denominations, all claiming a special and intimate knowledge and relationship with God - some even so self-deluded as to deny the authenticity of the relationship Christ has with any other sect/denomination, despite a commonality in a basic understanding of the Gospel.

Second, we are jealous of God's favor toward those outside the church. We believe that God somehow must have blessed "those outsiders" more than us, so we get countless Christians who struggle to please God on the basis that they want him to treat them the same way they believe he is treating others. Of course, a faithful husband is only teasing these other women, just as God teases non-Christians from time to time (Ecc. 2:26, for example, which says that God teases non-Christians with monetary blessings only to make them hand it over to his bride anyway).

Third, we are jealous of other's alleged connection with God. While our groom is actively faithful and has promised his faithfulness, something in us doesn't believe it. Nothing gets a dutiful Christian up-in-arms more than a non-Christian claiming to have a special relationship with God. Mormon? Muslim? Eastern Lightning? The extremity to which many believers despise such groups transcends mere righteous indignation at how they defame the truth of our God - there is utter contempt at the thought that our God might actually entertain these other groups with the kind of bond he has with his church.

In all three of these we note that our jealousy is what prompts us to love, appreciate, and pursue God more diligently.

  • Our jealousy at God's relationship with other sects of believers often gives us an inordinate amount of pride and dedication to the task God has given our own particular sect of the faith.

  • Our jealousy at the way God blesses non-believers causes us to repent of our rejection of him and redouble our commitment to living in his frame in order to be on the right side of the countless "if ... then ..." clauses that God sets out in the Bible.

  • Our jealousy against other religious groups who claim a special relationship with God invariably (seriously, like 99% of the time) gives us an uncontrollable compulsion to start spraying our seed all over them (in a Matthew 13 way, of course). That is, we feel compelled toward spiritual reproduction with God toward those groups becoming born again. There is nothing that compels us to crave spiritual reproduction with God more than being approached by someone who claims a special yet unbiblical relationship with God.

In all of this, God doesn't need to "make" us jealous because his inherent glory compels it of us in the first place. To that end, I do not encourage men to take active efforts to make their wives jealous; rather, their gloriousness as men is what can and should cause this to happen as a passive byproduct - one that every wife actually longs to feel.


III. You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority

By now this one should go without saying: God said it first. Even as to married couples, "Let those with wives live as though they had none" (1 Cor. 7:29). Why? "I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs - how he can please the Lord" (1 Cor. 7:32). He's referencing a man's mission.

There are countless other verses (not the least of which are Matthew 28:19-20, John 13-17, and Matthew 6:33) and I've beaten this issue to death on this sub, so we'll just leave it at that.


IV. Don't play by her rules

God said this first. Many of you are already aware of my trichotomy between philosophy, science, and theology. This distinction points out that "man's wisdom" is found in philosophy and science, whereas God's wisdom is found in theology.

1 Cor. 2 spends a great deal of effort differentiating between man's wisdom and God's wisdom. Paul's conclusion is that we should not play by man's rules. He affirms this in Galatians 1:10, "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am i trying to please people? If i were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." That is, God expects us to play by his rules, not by others'.

But even at that, God himself refuses to stoop to our level. In isaiah 55:8-9, God says, "My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways ... As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Imagine telling that to your wife! (I have: it didn't go over so well ... but I was also pretty blue pilled and obscenely arrogant when I did it).

If you're looking for more, just read the last several chapters of Job. The first three dozen or so chapters are spent trying to rationalize God's conduct into a human framework. In the last several chapters God essentially rebukes everyone, saying in no uncertain terms: "I don't play by your rules."


V. Adhere to the golden ratio

God did it first. This is the bane of most Christians' lives today, actually. How many believers do you know who have said, "I keep seeking and seeking and seeking, but God's just not responding"? Now, there are many reasons for this beyond merely the golden ratio. But I'd wager God's "golden ratio" is actually far less than 2/3 (i.e. 67%) - and especially the 80% standard u/redpillcoach reports as Gottman's finding.

Heartiste notes, "The idea behind the golden ratio is twofold - it establishes your greater value by making her chase you." Check. The 109 post (linked above) already addresses that.

Heartiste adds the second: "and it demonstrates that you ahve the self-restraint to avoid getting swept up in her personal dramas." If that doesn't shout "God!" I don't know what does. Matthew 6:33 is again on point - that God expects his interests to be primary and anything else is secondary. James 4:3 notes that "you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives" - assuming that God should bend his will to our desires and expectations.

The entire book of Job is another great example, demonstrating that sometimes God has a purpose that transcends anything we've got going on and he sits silent for 37 chapters, then enters the final 5, opening with: "Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man. I will question you and you shall answer me." That's a 5/37 ratio.

At this point I don't know if I'm talking about the golden ratio (i.e. "bids for attention" per u/redpillcoach) or STFU (probably the latter), so I'll just stop there and let you decide.


VI. Keep her guessing

God's been doing this all along. God values faith over knowledge. u/ruizbujc actually just did a write-up on this over here - it's worth a read. His conclusion is, essentially, that God has no intention of giving clear knowledge of his existence or the specifics of his plans or intentions for any one person. Instead, he wants us to proceed on faith, which is a higher virtue in the Bible than knowledge.

While God does provide enough information for us to reach a conclusion of faith (Romans 1:19-20), he has also left the majority of the relationship outside the bounds of human wisdom and knowledge (1 Cor. 2).

Heartiste notes, "She thrives when she has to imagine what you're thinking about her, and withers when she knows exactly how you feel." Is that not the exact mindset of most Christians whose devotion to God is defined by the mystery of his disposition toward him? And how many people enjoy a false security in God's pleasure toward them - foolishly believing that they know "because of the Bible" that God is always pleased with them - who are then lazy, unproductive, and unfruitful in their faith because of this belief?

Heartiste further notes: "When she has displeased you, punish swiftly, but when she has done you right, reward slowly. Reward her good behavior intermittently and unpredictably and she will never tire of working hard to please you." Indeed, heaven notwithstanding (which is quite predictable), as far as earthly blessings go, God's rewards often measure up. And this makes sense! Why? Because God's goal while we're on earth is not to give us stuff - it's to get us to obey. The tactic that Heartiste has discovered is effective. That's why God has been employing it for millennia.


VII. Always keep two in the kitty

God does not do this. Of course, he doesn't need to. Heartiste notes: "A man with options is a man without need" - but God already had no need. And he also has options. If we didn't cry out for his glory, the rocks surely would (Luke 19:40) - not that he even needs that in the first place.

Heartiste's rationale is, essentially, that a woman "withdrawing all her love and her body in an instant will rend your soul if you are faced with contemplating the empty abyss alone." God, of course, does not have to worry about this. First, God is not alone - he is triune. If you want to call this one an affirmative command, God's "two in the kitty" are Jesus and the Holy Spirit. But these are less of a backup plan and more of an active part of the relationship in the first place, so it's not quite the same. The bottom line is that there's no situation where God will be broken up if the church rejects him.

As for us humans, this isn't necessarily one of those things we can emulate in God. Instead, the Christ-church relationship is the best image we have, in which Christ doesn't have any back-up options. Instead, he has abundance, knowing that he could have other options in a heart-beat if he wanted to (Luke 19:40, again). After all, this rule is really about a technique for maintaining abundance. As I often say, the roadmap is fairly pointless once you've reached the destination.


VIII. Say you're sorry only when absolutely necessary

God doesn't do this. Again, he doesn't need to. He's God. To that end, God emulates the heart and core of this command: to say sorry as infrequently as possible.

The first biblical premise here is that we are to do few things that we would ever need to apologize for in the first place. The second is that even when we do things that would warrant an apology, we own it instead of groveling. In our relationship with God, it is quite appropriate to apologize. After all, we are the submissive in that relationship.

But when God acts in a displeasurable way toward us, how often does he apologize? Never. First, because as the leader in the relationship it's his prerogative to determine the framework within which we operate, and therefore he has a prerogative to be unapologetic about his decision-making framework. That is, he owns it.

Second, because an apology is inherently an acknowledgment that you failed to live up to someone else's expectations - their frame. Interestingly, David says in Psalm 51:4, "Against you, you only, have I sinned." He says this after causing Bathsheba to commit adultery and then killing her husband, resulting in their child dying. That's 3 people's lives that were radically changed - destroyed, even - and yet David says his sin is against God only and not any of them. Why? Because the only person's frame he owes an obligation to is God's. He doesn't owe anything to Bathsheba's expectations over his life and actions. He does have an obligation to God, though. Think about that before the next time you apologize.