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The Importance of Qualified Pastors

July 19, 2017
10 upvotes

Chosen Authority

Of the many authorities in our lives (elected officials, law enforcement officers, parents, teachers, bosses, etc.) there are few that we get to fully and freely choose to submit ourselves to. Our choice of pastor(s) who we allow to shepherd us and our families is almost entirely within our control. This choice will impact our lives in many ways, including our success in the bedroom.

Well, What is "Well"?

"He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive" 1 Timothy 3:4

One of the qualifications for overseer in the church of God is that the man must manage his own household well. If a pastor's household is not managed well, you shouldn't be under his leadership. So what is the standard for "well?" Paul defines what a well ordered family relationship looks like in many of his writings (see the side bar). At the core of a well managed household is God's design for the relationship between husbands and wives. Thus, if your pastor's marriage is not one of headship and submission, or if his wife is a feminist, his household is not well ordered and it would be wise to consider being lead by another pastor.

The importance of this is difficult to overstate. If your wife goes to your pastor for marital advice or concerns, you do not want him to reinforce blue pill feminist conditioning.

We Become Like Our Leaders

If your pastor is soft, effeminate, or doesn't promote biblical gender roles, it will be reflected in the congregation. Preaching from the front, their words and actions set the expectations for men in the church and influence the expectations women in the church will have of their husbands. After all, every man who sits under that pastor is giving their implicit approval of the man and his teaching. This is not lost on the women. If the pastor is effeminate or weak, that will be seen as the standard to emulate. Men who believe in traditional biblical gender roles, who care about theology, and who take their faith seriously are ostracized as they are seen as 'divisive' and dangerous.

Women Judge Us By Our Choice of Leader

Imagine that your friend is looking to learn a martial art. He wants to learn because he lives in a terrible part of town and will at some point need these skills to save his life. The city has several qualified gyms with virtually the same costs. In the end your friend picks a an instructor that doesn't know anything beyond the absolute basics, has a track record his students being killed as they were not properly trained, and is cavalier about the real dangers involved. This terrible choice for a mentor causes you to lose trust in your friend's judgement and greatly diminishes your respect for him. After all, your friend is not dealing in trifles; his life is on the line.

Your choice of pastor is far more important than this because your spiritual life, and those of your family, is at stake. Beyond that, men who subscribe to weak leadership do not give women the tingles in the 'gina.

If you are single and your pastor cannot properly handle the text, doesn't promote biblical gender roles, or is a woman, you are a going to struggle to find a good wife. Many Christian women of Godly character know that strong men won't abide a weak leader and will not be found in that congregation.

RP Men Thrive With Masculine Pastors

I'll spare you my full testimony, but a major pivot point in my life was when I switched churches. For several years I had been attending an evangelical mega-church where the "preaching" was self-help with some verses thrown in. The men in the church who had charisma, but were soft, weak, and effeminate were the ones given key leadership roles. The women in the church expected men to conform to that castrated standard.

For a host of reasons that don't pertain to this post, I left that church and began attending one that fit my theological convictions. I felt like a refugee being granted asylum. The men who had beards, drank beer, shot guns, and took charge of their families were the ones given leadership roles. The pastor was a big guy who could have kicked my tail if he had reason to. I thrived in this environment and the women in the church expected men to be men.

As we've moved around, my wife and I have done our share of church shopping. Having been a member of solid biblical congregation, my wife scoffs at the notion of pro-feminist pastors. This encourages me because I am responsible for the teaching my wife receives and I would be sinning to letting limp wristed leaders pour feminist garbage into her mind.

Questions

    1. Are you under the leadership of a qualified shepherd? If not, what are you doing about fixing the situation?
    1. Does your pastor actively promote biblical gender roles?
    1. What weak qualities or beliefs have you picked up from leaders that you are working on uprooting?

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Post Information
Title The Importance of Qualified Pastors
Author OsmiumZulu
Upvotes 10
Comments 7
Date July 19, 2017 7:01 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RPChristians
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/the-importance-of-qualified-pastors.302203
https://theredarchive.com/post/302203
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/6o6u4f/the_importance_of_qualified_pastors/
Comments

[–]Red-CuriousMod | 34M | Married 11 yrs1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

if your pastor's marriage is not one of headship and submission, or if his wife is a feminist, his household is not well ordered and it would be wise to consider being lead by another pastor.

I've never really thought about that, but great point! But I do want to clarify: headship modeled after Christ and submission modeled after the church. Christ is our head with a firm hand, but much grace. The church is meant to be submissive in all things, but Jesus also delegated much authority to his bride because he has empowered her and guides her through his Spirit.

So, I ask men everywhere: has your wife caught your spirit? Or is she going on her own spirit, motivations, and agenda?

Are you under the leadership of a qualified shepherd?

I have had exactly one masculine pastor in my life, but he moved off to the other side of the country after a few short years. I miss him.

My current pastor is the next closest, but he still loves the "happy wife, happy life" mantra and cracks jokes from the pulpit about "who really wears the pants in the family." That said, I'm pseudo-discipling my current pastor and have been able to teach him several strategies for implementing long-term leadership skills that hopefully he applies in the home and not just the church.

Does your pastor actively promote biblical gender roles?

In word, yes. If someone were to ask him point blank, he'd give the correct answers. That said, when he teaches on tangential matters, not hitting the issue head-on, I get the totally opposite impression - that he emphasizes woman-worship, as if God put our happiness in the relationship as a higher priority than His glory (which is why he let Steven be stoned, the apostles be martyred, etc., right? /s). He will teach "husbands love your wives" for 40 minutes with about 30 seconds of "your desire will be for your husband, but he will rule over you." Sure, this is a key balance to maintain, but when you so drastically over-emphasize the part that benefits women and try to explain away what "wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord" to accept it but pluck out all its teeth ... the actual message the Bible tries to convey gets distorted.

What weak qualities or beliefs have you picked up from leaders that you are working on uprooting?

There are two key ones:

FIRST: The idea that the man should always sacrifices his happiness and glory for that of his wife.

This is ridiculous, but it's what gets peddled from the pulpit. When I see how God interacts with the Church, I do see significant sacrifice, but that sacrifice is always for the greater good of the relationship, not just rote happiness. In addition, although Jesus "humbled himself ... and became obedient to death, even death on a cross," the next part is: "Therefore God glorified him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow in heaven, on earth, and under the earth."

The way God structured the Christ-Church relationship is designed for Christ's glory. If Ephesians 5 means anything, it's that the Husband-Wife relationship should function the same way. That's not to say men should get big heads and egos about themselves, but if they're stifling their own glory to appease their wives, how does that adequately reflect to the world what God wants everyone to see about his relationship with the Church? We bear his image not only as individuals, but in our family unit, and if we choose to forego that image then we have failed to glorify God appropriately. Although Moses was "very humble - more humble than any other person on earth," his face shone with the glory of God so brightly he had to hide it under a veil. We can be humble and shine with radiant glory at the same time.

It should also go without saying that when the husband is right with God, happy, and content, this will overflow to his wife. Yes, there are times that we need to be "poured out like a drink offering" (as Paul says), but I have noticed in my marriage that when I am unhappy my wife becomes bitter. When I'm in good spirits, she follows suit. That said, when she's unhappy I have the ability to maintain my emotional momentum through her turbulence and this actually knocks her out of her funk. But when she's happy and I'm not, my unhappiness ends up bringing her down. So, I've changed the mantra to: "happy wife, happy life; but a happy husband is how you get a happy wife." My wife is thankful I've adopted this attitude, despite the fact that most feminists would love to stone me for it. Look how oppressed she is, being so happy like that!

SECOND: That your marriage does not affect your ministry.

No pastor will ever say this. The problem is that they don't affirm the opposite either. By teaching ministry as one compartment and marriage as another compartment, they are subliminally communicating to the congregation: "These are two separate things. They don't mix. You can have a great ministry and crap marriage and vice versa, and your laziness in one area really doesn't affect the other." I lived in this mindset for way too long. I do agree that there is a degree to which God can make someone fruitful despite having a broken/dead marriage, but there is more often a stronger correlation than we'd like to admit. It's easy to say, "I'm really good at ministry, but getting my wife to be attracted to me is hard work, so I'll just focus on my ministry," or "Ministry is hard; marriage is great, I'll just be happy with what God gave me and keep loving on my wife." In reality, we are capping our growth when we do that. Sure, you could keep honing your strength, but you'll be moving inches when beefing up your weakness in the dichotomy could take you miles - and only after men have started implementing this concept do they realize just how immature their ministry and marriages really were and what great heights God has in store for them.

[–]SandfordNeighborhood0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

The Greater Good

[–]OsmiumZuluMod | Tulip Peddler | Married 6y[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Care to elaborate?

[–] points points | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]RedPillWonderMod | American man0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I wholeheartedly endorse this post!

[–]OsmiumZuluMod | Tulip Peddler | Married 6y[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

My response:

1) Are you under the leadership of a qualified shepherd? If not, what are you doing about fixing the situation?

My wife and I just moved about a week ago, so we are still seeking a solid church. Having looked at the doctrinal statements of several nearby churches there appears to be several qualified options. We will be visiting them one by one until the right one is found.

2) Does your pastor actively promote biblical gender roles?

See above. That said, my last three pastors (yeah, we've moved a lot) have all been solid proponents of biblical gender roles, one was more explicit and bold than the other two. This is a must in whoever our next pastor is.

3) What weak qualities or beliefs have you picked up from leaders that you are working on uprooting?

The biggest one is similar to what /u/Red-Curious posted: "The idea that the man should always sacrifices his happiness and glory for that of his wife."

It's obvious once you see the problem with this idea. If woman was created to be man's helper, he needs a mission outside her to help with. If a man's chief mission is his wife's happiness/glory/benefit, her helping him becomes helping herself, which is something she wasn't created to do and it will only cause her to feel unfulfilled and unhappy. I fell into this false idea for a brief season but managed to see through it before much harm was done.

[–]Red-CuriousMod | 34M | Married 11 yrs0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If a man's chief mission is his wife's happiness/glory/benefit, her helping him becomes helping herself

Brilliant.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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