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Was this the an RP move? Need advice/input.

July 18, 2017
5 upvotes

Quick story for you guys. Forgive me if it's too long, I am new to Reddit. For you single guys, this may be helpful to you; to the experienced married/older guys, please give feedback if this was the right move.

I have been single for the past 7 years- haven't even kissed a girl in that period. I have managed to save myself for marriage as well. There has been one woman though, that I have had feelings for for the past 4 years. She is smart, absolutely beautiful, stays in incredible shape, and is a relatively immature Christian. She also is saving herself for marriage.

For the first 6 months of knowing her, she liked me before I liked her. Eventually I grew very fond of her and wound up asking her out only for her to reject me. She said I had "waited too long." We remained friends for the next two years, talking on and off. She dated a few guys here and there, but nothing ever got serious. In the meantime, she would semi-lead me on. I developed a minor case of oneitis, which obviously grew more serious as I will discuss.

Fast forward to about one year ago, and she started asking me deep theological questions, usually related to Apologetics. I was happy to help her. Sooner rather than later the conversations turned into a dialectic between Islam and Christianity, which I found to be curious. Almost all conversations turned into this issue.

It did not take her too long before she told me she was dating a Muslim man, (while she claimed to be Christian.) I felt a little bit used, given that she was coming to me for my resources about the subjects of Islam and the Gospels, however, I guess I convinced myself I was glorifying God by continuing to help her "grow." So these convos continued.

Eventually her conscience reached a zenith and broke up with the guy. I thought that she would finally see who was there for her all these years- was willing to wait with her, foster her knowledge, etc. She wound up getting back together with the guy in 2 days.

Fast forward to this past May-I'm graduating from Engineering school and have got a great job lined up. At the time, I was also house hunting with my brother to live/invest in. It just so happened that these things were happening in parallel with another talking stint. This time it was mostly about Christianity in general, not Islam. For the first time in several years, she seemed interested in a relationship deeper than me just being her personal Rabbi. We went to church together for about a month or so, so I naively assumed that maybe she was coming around and wasn't with the Muslim dude anymore...

Finally, after consulting many bros about it, I decided to tell her how I felt about her. One night after church, I laid it all out to her. First I asked her if she was still with the guy, to which she said she was. At this point though, there was no turning back. So I said that I believed she was a quality woman, that I wanted to pursue her and that if it made any difference whatsoever to her status, I wanted her to at least know it. When she got the chance to respond by saying something like, "well, when you've been with someone for X amount of years..." (as if this is a solid justification of actually being with someone. People do things they ought not do for long periods of time) I knew the rest of the convo would be interesting. I stood my ground and controlled the flow of the conversation. Eventually I told her that what she did was wrong in using me, to which she conceded that she did use me and that she knew how I felt about her. She never apologized for wasting my time. I essentially told her that I did not want a friendship any longer and that all of my time and energy would go into finding a good woman to help me through life.

I tell this story hoping to get some feedback, because I feel like I was such a Beta for all those years, letting her use me on purpose and justifying it by saying that I was "leading her to Christ," which, maybe I was? I don't know. I will say though, that part of what gave me the confidence to confront it in the first place has been the guidance of the Red Pill. I decided that I was done being used, and left on my terms. After the dust settled, I realized that we were on different frequencies- there is no way that I would consider dating an unbeliever, whereas she happily was, and justified it based on irrationality, poor theology (that I did not get into here), and emotion. She proved to me that she wasn't the good catch I thought she was. I never gave up any opportunities waiting for her- but I certainly spent a lot of time hoping her to come around. All in all, I was able to teach her alot about why we believe what we believe, but I can't say that it didn't suck pretty hard.

We have not spoken since, and I have no reason to speak with her.

TLDR; Girl led me on for several years. Justified my case of oneitis by being said female's personal Rabbi while knowing she was taking the knowledge of the Scriptures I was giving her to try to convert Muslim boyfriend. RP mindset eventually prevailed when I told her I was tired of being used, I did not need any more friends, and was only looking for a LTR with a quality gal. Haven't spoken with the girl since.

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Post Information
Title Was this the an RP move? Need advice/input.
Author mista_resista
Upvotes 5
Comments 51
Date July 18, 2017 2:42 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RPChristians
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/was-this-the-an-rp-move-need-adviceinput.302206
https://theredarchive.com/post/302206
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/6nxzji/was_this_the_an_rp_move_need_adviceinput/
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