Stats: 30yo, 5'7'', 137 lbs. I don't lift, I only do calisthenics (a couple times a week) and run (once a week), so I am lean but not at all bulky. I tried starting lifting earlier this year but the pandemic threw a wrench in it. Am planning to get back to it as soon as possible, mostly because I want to be stronger and healthier. I don't have any debt, and about $5k in savings (very little, I'd say). I work as a software developer and right now that's enough to get by, but I work for an eastern european company (and for the same pay level) while living in western Europe so I need to do better. My stats are mediocre but they are light years better than what they used to be in my 20s.

Faith: I got baptised this month (Catholic). I try to pray daily, and 9 times out of 10 times the attempt is a success. I've read the Bible cover to cover when I was younger (and an atheist). Now I stick to the daily readings except when I remember some passage and feel a drive to revisit it, or feel the need to get some scriptural grounding for various ideas I have in my head. I try to go to vespers once a week, to Mass every Sunday (or more, when I have the time), and reserve at least 30 minutes of reflection every day. I read theology and philosophy whenever I find the time. It's how recharge. And I've been baptised less than a month but already had to go to confession twice. There's quite a lot of room for improvement here.

Backstory: I made a lot of mistakes after I moved out to go to college. My life was pretty twisted for some years, the occasional dose of happiness being drug induced more often than not. Many had it worse than me, so it's not like I was living as a total disaster. Proof of it that I managed to bounce back somewhat, by the grace of God. That's good and I am grateful, but I want more.

Mission: I want to first be more materially comfortable. My family was rather on the poor side growing up. Poor in eastern Europe. I don't want a repeat of that. For a man with few responsibilities I am comfortable. But having few responsibilities is not comfortable. Sometimes I think that I should not worry about material comfort so much. God will provide, no? But God also gave me the means to provide. I've always been the studious kind, so I plan to go "back to school". (I was thinking of becoming a Jesuit priest at one point, but that thought has since evaporated, especially now that I am in a serious relationship. And I don't think I'm cut for direct social work.) There are many niches in God's Kingdom, and mine is most likely focused on more abstract and intellectual things. Like pure maths. If I can help anyone on the way directly by doing this, all the better, but what I truly want is to glimpse a tiny bit of beauty and understand God better by reading His own language.

What I've read: honestly, not a lot of "red pill" material. I stumbled upon this stuff by accident. Mostly due to political tangents. Some of it rings true, some of it rings like useful bullshit (in the right context), while the rest reads like wishful thinking. And in general it gives me the vibe of "bro-science-digest-of-evolutionary-psychology / mating-strategies-in-humans". I don't really care much one way or the other. And I don't want to be dismissive because I'm sure there's some useful heuristics here (at least for some people) but I think whatever "red pill" principles I've "internalized" was due to trial and error, not reading blog/reddit posts.

Dilemma: I'm dating with a goal towards marriage. This is overt between us. The relationship started online right before the lockdown earlier this year. Since long distance relationships are wishful play pretend, I visited as soon as borders opened. Then she visited me. Now we live in the same city. She brought up the fact that she's considering breaking up some time ago, because she wanted/wants to feel more attracted to me or something or other. So I said "ok, let's break up" in so many words (but not too many). To which she replied that she doesn't want to break up. So I said "ok, we won't break up" in fewer words.

Why? I guess because compared to my previous relationships, this is great: she's very smart (master's degree in hard STEM field; had better grades than me), 5'8'' tall, has a very nice body, and a cute (but slightly on the average side) face. Conclusion: good genes. Yes? Good genes. She has a very feminine mind and behaviour (at least when she's around me). And God is central to her life... I enjoy spending time with her and she enjoys spending time with me. So she's much better than other women I got to know in the past. You could say she's a "good catch", or at least that she passed some filters (in that none of her flaws are deal-breakers for me). But how do I know if she's worth life-long commitment?

I should be grateful for any hint. I just need an outside perspective. I can probably figure out the details by myself.