The following is just good common sense. It was originally written up as a personal response to some of the things I've witnessed as a father but have updated it with TRP terms to facilitate understanding. This is essentially a personal reminder. As with anything on this or any sub, take it with a grain of salt.

I’ve read rather a lot of comments, articles, etc. on the internet and in magazines that portray parenthood and fatherhood in a negative light. I have been to enough PTA related events to have heard similar gripes from guys, and been in enough meetings with business associates who relentlessly bitch about their kids to see the common connection. It’s probably obvious what the common connection between all the unhappy fathers I’ve met and read in print is. They’re all Beta’s.

  1. Marry Well. This should be obvious. IQ is highly hereditary. Emotional stability is based upon the children modeling themselves and their interactions with others on what they see. If mom is a depressed hamster-ing cognitive dumpster fire, even if you’re a genius on the level of Einstein mom is going to rub off in some way on your kids. Choose wisely. If you never find someone who measures up, don’t marry and spin plates.

  2. Introduce Causality Early. Cause and effect. You act like a turd, you lose stuff. You act well, you get it back. You flip me and your mom shit you don’t get to do things. You behave as we ask and you get those back. This starts from the moment they can interact verbally. They will throw fits, but you must treat these as you would any other shit test by being calm and firm and not budging once your discipline has been handed down by either parent. This continues into the tween years though sometimes isn't so cut and dry. As an example, I like it when my daughter challenges authority with a logical argument. It doesn't mean I give into her, it just means I acknowledge she made a great case then make a rational decision after that.

  3. Self improvement rubs off. A near constant discussion with my son is “that the best you’ve got?” He gets pissed. He tries harder. You can only ask this if you can personally do better in whatever endeavor is in question. This isn’t always a good idea in all situations (I can’t draw, and my son has won awards for it) but I do question him if he took his time and what he thinks he could improve. Instilling the constant analysis, evaluation, and logic early makes for a self evaluating kid that doesn’t care what the other kids up the road are up to. If your son hears you evaluate your own work critically they will begin to do it with their own work without any other reinforcement. “I did Ok on this part, this other part looks good. Next time I think I’ll do Y differently. Life is a learning process”. It’s funny hearing your child say similar things to their friends, but if you do this they will.

  4. Withhold praise. It’s not that you should never praise your children, it’s that they must understand from an early age that there are standards that must be met in order to earn a “well done” or an “I’m proud of you”. Kids shit test constantly from birth. They’re looking for boundaries incessantly. Consistency is the main thing, and you must always be consistent. Clapping for a strikeout is bullshit. Stop doing it. In the face of failure, give them a critique instead: that second pitch was out of the strike zone, try and hold off on pitches like that next time.” Then, when they actually do as directed, give them the reinforcement they’re looking for: “You didn’t get a hit, but you didn’t swing at the pitch you missed the time before either. That’s an improvement, now let’s work on [X] (pat on the back)”

  5. Showing affection is completely ok. Being Alpha doesn’t mean that you’re aloof at least in terms of your children. Hugs are good. Kids need them. Don’t feel weird about it. I see a lot of awkwardly displayed affection from Dad’s – it’s like they don’t know if it’s alright or not. It’s fine. You will never get to the level of attachment that children feel with their mothers, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t be kind and loving.

  6. Own it when you fuck up. Your kids are human, and they will make huge mistakes. If you make a mistake and then explain to them not only why you messed up, but how you’re going to go about correcting the mistake, they will be better prepared to deal with their own. Frame is relative when it comes to children. They will model how to deal with emotions and failure based on how you deal with emotions and failure. Be the guy who accepts what he can’t fix, but does the best he can to correct issues and move forward and explain that this is what you’re doing.

  7. Don’t lie to them about the world. The natural instinct is to protect them from ugliness. You can’t. There are things about human life that are disgusting. I’m not saying you need to scare the hell out of them with the ugliness of the world, but they will hear things out and about, and they will ask you questions. Being honest about those with your children ensures that they aren’t surprised when they encounter terrible people in real life when you aren’t there. If they ask you a question about why someone did something bad, answer them as best as you are capable of even if that answer is “I don’t know son, but that’s not something I would want you to ever do.”

  8. Unplug. Do stuff with them. Minimize TV. Encourage activity. No fucking smart phones. If you’re on a long drive a video is fine, sure, but that shouldn’t be the default on a Monday evening unless all other homework, activities, etc. are done and they’ve cleaned up their crap.