~ archived since 2018 ~

Daughter being touched, I'm being gaslighted

August 30, 2019
21 upvotes

I was blue pill, white knight. She needed rescuing, I saved her. She saw how fast I connected with her daughter, "forgot her pill" and "accidentally took our condom out of the garbage into the bathroom with her after I passed out"... same old story (flush your condoms).

She always came out as bi, but when I left her she came out as... no gender? (claims to be bi, but claims no gender, so... is she an alien?...). 3 years together proved that she was straight and curious... she's riding a trend. Anyways, A few cameras and recordings won me 50% custody. Her on camera throwing her 2 year old across the room by the hair of her head for standing in front of the TV while she was fighting a boss in her videogame got me, "She will try not to do that again again" by CPS, and "Sometimes being a mom is hard" from the female judge who watched it.

She has taken them to pride events. So my 9 year old daughter is seeing full grown men in rainbow, assless chaps waving his junk in her face and of course she's asking, "wtf is that?". My ex has created a commune. There are 3 or 4 men, all identifying as bi, and at least 3 women, bi, and their children, all living in MY HOUSE, a 3 bedroom. The children have been cramped into one room. My 9 year old has been sharing a bed with an 8 year old boy, and.. well, you can imagine what started to happen.

THAT IS PART FUCKING ONE

My 9 year old had requested a break from her sister, which was strange, never once happening before, so I took my 4 year old alone. She told me, as we went to the park, that she was strong at opening doors and getting stronger (I push my kids to do shit on their own, I have a heavy door). When I congratulated her, she told me that "I'm getting strong because "8 year old name" hit me right here, with his balls and penis." and motioned towards her crotch.

Called the ex immediately, got a SOB story. It was all played down when we met to talk about it together. My 4 year old thought she was in trouble. When mom showed up, lips went shut, and she wouldn't touch it. Then mom told me that our eldest (9) had been fooling around with her friends kid because they shared a bed. "this is normal, all 9 year olds do this",she said.

I was furious. This had been going on FOR WEEKS. I called CPS: " This is normal behavior and you should only intervene when and if one of the children become uncomfortable..."....She then told me to "Use google to re-educate" myself.And they all refused to go on about my 4 year old mentioning names and parts.

I am livid. Weeks later, I know I'm not wrong. My girls won't open up to me. I slightly pressed my eldest and hit a brick wall when she said "Mom said I can't", and she looked down, scared, which SHE NEVER FUCKING DOES EVEN WHEN I"M BEING STRICT.

I had control until this. The law is on her side, and my girls are terrified to talk to me!!!! She just dyed their hair against their will. They showed up a week before school with purple and green hair and asked if I could get it out.

WTF do I do?

Wtf even happened? 20 years ago these psychos would have had their children put where they belong.

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[–]UEMcGill8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I hate to say it my dude, but this is a marathon and not a sprint. Get yourself a Voice Activated Recorder, and a good notebook. Note that there a 12 states where you can't record without telling the person.

Record every interaction. Take pictures of circumstances. Get your kids phones so they can "call Daddy" and have them take pictures if you think they can do it "innocently".

Your ex is crazy and inconsistent. She will continue to give you evidence and you should build a case against her using everything you got.

Ask your lawyer what things would be the nail in the coffin and look to document those things.

Read the Laws of Power and become a master at it. Play the fool and let her hang herself if you can.

[–]LunarTears0 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is how I won 50% custody. Problem is, even with all of the evidence against her, video and audio that would put a man in jail, she was excused. I have been keeping very thorough documentation on her behavior and actions, but my country is over the top liberal, and the fact that she identifies as a part of this other group, means that she will NEVER catch shit until the laws change. Getting 50% custody was a torment, and another court case scares the hell out of me.

I need to know what I can say to my daughters. My eldest is getting close to THAT AGE, and I know there is still time for me to open her eyes and save her, but am unsure how to go about it.

[–]UEMcGill2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I need to know what I can say to my daughters

Lead by example. I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but never bad mouth the mother in front of your kids. Openly state what your values are in an age-appropriate manner. Kids are smart, they'll see what is real and what is bullshit.

[–]candleelit 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

I am so sorry. That shit is not okay. Just be open with your daughters. Tell them they are not in trouble. Maybe recommend they see a counselor just to talk? (But actually cause if they open up about the abuse the counselor will be legally obligated to tell cps or the courts. )

and yes you can get dye out of their hair. You can get a ‘color oops’ from most stores that sell hair dye. Or just take them to a salon because just dying over it could have some weird tinting issues where in the sun it still looks green. The purple can easily be dyed brown and the green will be a little more complicated.

[–]redwall924 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Get your kids in a therapist/counselor's office. Find one that your insurance will pay for or that will at least go against your deductible. Counselors/therapists are mandatory reporters. Your kids need a place to open up to somebody. That somebody might be a school counselor or somebody you pay to have sit and talk to them. There's a feeling of safety your kids may feel if they are talking to somebody removed from their life - not connected to their life.

From your perspective, don't do this in order to 'get the kids' or anything vengeful like that. Don't do it in order to get around the lawyers or judges. Do it because it would benefit your children. You have no need to explain to anybody why you do it. Your kids will have to make the choice to go. But it shouldn't be a hard sell.

They aren't sick. Don't talk to them like they're sick or they're wrong or they're the problem. You'll have to get your kids to want to go and talk to somebody in order to make their own life better.

At 4 and 9, a therapist may want you in the room for the first meet or probably want to meet with you first. Do not let the therapist know about the crazy ex's tendencies. Just let the therapist know that you believe something physical has happened at your ex's and that you think your kids would benefit from having someone outside of their situation to sit down and talk with.

You just want to get your kids to adulthood in the best way you can, and who wouldn't want to pull in some professional help in this situation?

It doesn't matter what the ex wants here.

[–]LunarTears0 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

I don't blame my daughter, and I don't blame the little boy involved. Kids are curious, especially if it's being thrown into their faces. I am angry with the lack of supervision and the immense amount of bad parenting and stupidity that went into taking them to sexual events and then giving them a bed to share. What happened was inevitable.

I'm afraid that counselors will side with the mother, as the CAS and courts did, over this Bill C-16 shit, that makes her and her cronies untouchable.

For the time being, I believe that it is entirely on me to re-educate my daughters on why this shit is not ok, and don;t know where to begin.

[–]redwall92-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah ... you don't blame your daughter. But do you know how to talk to your daughter about this stuff that has happened without making her feel like you blame her?

Probably not. Nor do I.

Professionals do.

I don't care who your conselors SIDE with. I said don't come at this from the perspective of who's wrong and who's right.

Come at this from the perspective of doing what's best for your kids.

Do you even listen bro?

[–]RStonePT2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

https://www.ontario.ca/laws/statute/90c11#BK54

Check 37.2

Talk with CAS and see where they think the evidence doesn't support the criteria set forth. Do evidence accumulation for these criteria. If they still refuse then you can possibly due or being up a case with the human Rights commission.

It's a slow moving process, your kids are going to suffer in the meantime, you'll have to accept that in the shirt term. Do your due diligence do this right the first time or all your efforts will he in vain.

If you have the potential to he a sociopath, now's the time to use it.

Child in need of protection

(2) A child is in need of protection where,

(a) the child has suffered physical harm, inflicted by the person having charge of the child or caused by or resulting from that person’s,

(i) failure to adequately care for, provide for, supervise or protect the child, or

(ii) pattern of neglect in caring for, providing for, supervising or protecting the child;

(b) there is a risk that the child is likely to suffer physical harm inflicted by the person having charge of the child or caused by or resulting from that person’s,

(i) failure to adequately care for, provide for, supervise or protect the child, or

(ii) pattern of neglect in caring for, providing for, supervising or protecting the child;

(c) the child has been sexually molested or sexually exploited, by the person having charge of the child or by another person where the person having charge of the child knows or should know of the possibility of sexual molestation or sexual exploitation and fails to protect the child;

Note: On a day to be named by proclamation of the Lieutenant Governor, clause (c) is repealed by the Statutes of Ontario, 2008, chapter 21, section 2 and the following substituted:

(c) the child has been sexually molested or sexually exploited, including by child pornography, by the person having charge of the child or by another person where the person having charge of the child knows or should know of the possibility of sexual molestation or sexual exploitation and fails to protect the child;

See: 2008, c. 21, ss. 2, 6.

I'm guessing it's this final clause that they used to suggest it's legal. Find evidence for the others

[–]LunarTears0 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

During my fight for custody, all of this was brought up.

In the case of 37.2 (a), her, her lawyer, and the CAS, used her bi-polar disorder as an excuse and shield. They promised to get back onto medication to miraculously put an end to her abuse. This has not been followed through with, and I knew it was never intended to. I was shocked at how casually they brushed off video evidence of physical abuse. " Sometimes being a mom is hard.". I'd have been jailed.

37.2 (b), I had to quit my job because I had found her on two occasions, to have left my children locked in a room, without a light for 8 hours with no food, and no diaper change for my then year and a half old. This, too, was excused by her disorders, with a promise to start medication. She freely admitted to this, without my needing to give evidence to the claim. She knew the deck was stacked against me.

37.2 (c), I spent a long time going over this these last few weeks. The INSANITY that was my court case against this psycho leaves me to believe that she will be protected under bill C-16, bill 89, and the other 4 or five bills that have been passed in the last few years to make people belonging to the LGBTQ community untouchable in all aspects regarding the law, where people outside of this group would suffer immense consequences for their actions.

Having already spoken to police, CAS, and my lawyer, I am left to believe that I will need to deal with this myself, through re-education. I'll need to find a way to talk to my girls about this stuff, without actually talking about it, because they can be taken away from me if I flat out say it's wrong. I, of course, have been and will continue, to keep jotting dates and times of events in case a court case becomes feasible, but I'm afraid that, right now, it will be time and money wasted... as I said, the law is ok with this happening.

I just don't know where to even begin.

[–]RStonePT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

May be worth talking to the NP or any of conservative leaning newspaper with a great story.

I wonder how the story of a girl being abused and the Liberal government putting up with it will play... If you can tie it into c16, that's the kind of rage bait that can get some scrutiny onto this.

Anonymous of course.

In my limited media experience, anything that tends to be anti government, anti airline (journalists love to complain about airlines) anti military, white nationalism and child abuse usually piques interest.

Also. if they didn't follow through on promises, you may be able to use that as evidence for 37.2 C requirements. See if you can get a ball busting lawyer, and not a nice kind one to walk you through that.

[–]laserdicks1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

If this is real; evidence. if there is evidence, a crime was committed against your daughter which you failed to protect her from. Under any western country's laws something can be done. If you have evidence and your lawyer saw it, get a new lawyer.

[–]LunarTears0 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

I have evidence, the mother freely admitted to it. CPS sided with her and told me that this is normal. I have texts to verify.

My own lawyer has told me that, due to recent laws, this is not something that I can use to pursue further custody; that all he can do is issue an order to force them to sleep in separate beds, not even separate rooms.

[–]InChargeMan0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

New lawyer. Also, counselor sounds like a good idea to me. They can be a 3rd party pushing CPS. Ideally female.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

This is frightening, how can the law possibly be on her side?

Where are your equivalent of social services? Can you get the kids to call someone who will intervene? Perhaps they may be taken more seriously.

Get legal advice?

Honestly, I'd be temped to just grab your kids and move them in with you until someone takes it seriously. Whatever consequences follow can't be as bad as being forced to do nothing while this shit goes on.

[–]LunarTears0 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Canada; is actually CAS, I changed the words a bit to hide my location, but I guess being in Canada is relevant with Bill C-16.

When I was fighting for custody of my kids, I was made VERY aware, that she could steal my kids away at any moment, and it would be called "liberating" herself and her children, and the CAS made it very clear, that if I ever did it, it would be "kidnapping" and my face would be plastered all over the tv within the hour with a nationwide manhunt.

I know that this is a slow game. I need to play it as I would chess, carefully, quietly and with lots of finesse. I think it's gone to re-educating my daughters, to make them see with their own eyes that these people are insane. I watch the news daily, from many sources to be sure I can formulate my own opinion, and was thinking of having them watch with me... but don't know if 9 is old enough to hear some of this shit. I'm actually still taking their age into account where their mother and our society and government says they are old enough to fuck around.

I don;t know what to do.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Can you maybe start a process of at least logging complaints about her? Get a file on her opened up. Definitely start to record your concerns in something me kind of log. My kids school run sessions on inappropriate touching etc and my eldest is also 9 and been through it. So see if you can find something like that? There must be educational resources. Ugh makes me sick, glad they have you to look out for them.

[–]tiredofshit0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I dunno what state this is but here cps guidelines say boys and girls have to have separate rooms. This whole post has me mad af. This is some bullshit and you need to go into straight bastard mode right now. You know the door swings both ways. Let me give you some actual advice. I'm going to assume you were never married for the purpose of this post.

File an ex parte protection order in domestic relations court the morning of your next exchange. This is a loophole. They have to give you a hearing and issue protections. It'll take a few hours so be there when they open. They will give you temporary full custody. They have no choice until a further hearing. Even if you weren't married go to domestic relations. You can't get emergency orders in juvenile court. Juvenile is a whole other system. Once it's filed in domestic relations it has to go through the motions even if they don't have technical jurisdiction. The order supersedes anything in effect now.

Bring the order and a cop to the exchange and take the kids. Surprise is important because she has to open the door and get served. You can take them from school with the order too but it's obviously more complicated and riskier.

Now that you have the kids file a police report to start a separate investigation. The temporary protection order will keep her 100% gone for at least 2 weeks. She'll have zero influence, she won't be allowed within 200 yards of them. She may get visitation at a later hearing. The whole thing has to have a final hearing but each side has 2 continuances so drag it out. File for full custody in Juvenile court next. They're slow, use that case date to drag it out even further in domestic.

Dump your faggot lawyer and get a real one. CPS is terrified of actual lawyers. You'll need $1500 for a retainer. Use your judgment when choosing one. The best one I ever had was Bob Barr incarnate.

Send the cops relentlessly to her house to do well checks during any visitation. If you call they have to go and make contact. Make her life hell.

Attack from all sides and keep the pressure on. That includes psychologically. It's war so treat it as such.

[–]LunarTears0 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Canada, unfortunately. Giving Sweden a run for their money in the liberal agenda race. And you are correct, never married. Says something that I won custody of not just my daughter, but step daughter as well, though.

My LTR is hooking me up with a lawyer that slaughtered some other chick in court for kids, though. Hopefully she'll have better news than my current one.

I will definitely bring these words of advice to her (lawyer) and seek the legality of it here in Canada. Sending the cops to my ex daily, even on the basis of fear... she could spin that into harassment, I'm sure. The things she's gotten away with are unbelievable.

[–]tiredofshit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes sending the cops is harassment. That's the point. It's also 100% legal. What I laid out for you works in the states, I dunno about Canada. Modify it to work there. You need an emergency protection order and then keep moving from there. Do not stop. You don't need a lawyer to file one. Domestic violence laws include sexual abuse and they supersede everything. Whatever you do be an absolute savage about it. You will lose every time taking the high road.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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