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What would you do if your kid came out as transgender?

March 7, 2018

I’m not trying to influence anyone or change their minds. I just want to know. I myself am trans, and I’m Conservative and lean more and more towards the right every day. My parents are conservative and very old fashioned. From a medical point of view gender dysphoria, whatever causes it, is very painful condition. I don’t care about the political or social aspects of it, but would like to know how Conservative parents with family values feel about it. I ask this in the most respectful manner because you never know if your kid turns out like that and at the end of the day you want what’s best for them. So what would you do or say if your kid seriously told you that they were transgender?

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Post Information
Title What would you do if your kid came out as transgender?
Author Satan_Gang
Upvotes 12
Comments 41
Date March 7, 2018 2:13 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillParenting
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]EGOtyst18 points19 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I just don't understand it. It's my kid, so it's whatever. I would have a lot of conversations with them about it, since I legitimately don't understand the concept of Transgender.

In fact, you seem grounded enough to ask about this.

Basically, here is my MAJOR question.

You are not of the opposite sex. You have never been the opposite sex. Therefore, you have no concept of what it really means to be a member of the opposite sex. Therefore, how can you "identify" as a member?

I find it very difficult to understand how you can be something that you have no experience being. It seems like "cultural appropriation" in the grandest, most conceited sense.

It seems, to me, like you only can know the external nature of being the opposite sex. E.g., if you were a man who thought they were a woman... what does that mean? That you fundamentally feel that you like female things? But all that does is conform to tenuous, pre-established gender stereotypes.

So, how is being "trans" not merely just appropriating a lot of arbitrary stereotypes?

[–]Satan_Gang[S] 13 points14 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

You’re absolutely right. And if I didn’t feel the way I do right now, I’d agree completely. It was always just this painful depressing feeling. And it felt like there was no way of knowing because my only experience on this planet was as a boy and then man. How could I feel that I was something I didn’t even comprehend, let alone ever truly experience. And this isn’t about going against the gender norms, or wanting to be the opposite one based is societal expectations, because at the end of the day that’s all you can really see. The only evidence I have that proves to myself that I’m doing what is right is cross sex hormones. If you’re a man and take Estrogen or a Woman and take Testosterone, there’s a very very high chance you’d hate it. Before puberty boys and girls are anatomically different and that cause differences in psychological areas too. But beside that, they’re not much different. If a boy was to be raised as a girl willingly they could experience similar psychological changes. But then once puberty comes in and the secondary sex characteristics come into play a boy develops into a man and a girl into a woman. But when a boy The doesn’t want to be a girl but feels that they should goes through male puberty it cause mental distress. Causing whatever gender dysphoria was there to skyrocket. More and more because everything feels off. It feels wrong. And if the boy that feels like they should be a girl takes Estrogen (before, during, or after puberty) they feel relief in their minds. That is where the medical basis for being transgender comes into play. A perfectly healthy boy that wants nothing more than to grow up to be a man because that’s what happens when you older gets mental distress that eventually develops into depression and causes suicidal ideation because of the dysphoria (opposite of euphoria). It’s not that the boy wants to become a woman, it’s the he feels that he should’ve of been a woman. And strangely enough Estrogen relieves that. Same with girls that want to be men. I say this because that’s my experience and I’ve been on Female hormones for 3 years. The feelings of “I should’ve been a woman” turns into “wow I feel like a woman”. I’m not trying to educate anyone on how gender works and the whole gender is a social construct stuff. This is purely as someone who sees the medical benefit of transitioning. Went from absolutely hating my perfectly good life, to absolutely loving and being happy inside despite any obstacles that I many face. Is life easier? Absolutely not. But at least life feels like it’s worth living. And that’s my actual stance on transgenderism. It’s not to change society. It’s just to have a higher quality of life. That is only my experience. That’s why I was curious as to what Conservative parents might feel on this issue. I myself am Conservative, but there’s a medical basis that isn’t acknowledged enough because the far left has an agenda to destroy gender norms and all that crap. So I just wanted some down to earth feedback, not political gibberish

[–]EGOtyst7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I can appreciate that. But it does seem like a large leap to take based on a hunch. I would be terrified for my children to make that kind of leap. And, at the end of the day, I have a very difficult time viewing it as being different than any other psychosis.

In the end, realistically, I would love my kids and deal with it. But in my heart I know that it would probably feel the same as if they had another mental illness. Like... If they thought they were Napoleon. Maybe there would be medication that made them no longer want to invade Egypt, but it still wouldn't be healthy.

I'd take the route of the hormone treatments as being a medicine for a mental condition that made my kids less likely to kill themselves. That I can understand. That feels right to me. Thinking it was just a choice? Nah. I would spend my whole life bickering with them about that.

But, either way, I'd deal and help my kids.

[–]Satan_Gang[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

That’s completely understandable. I appreciate you taking your time to give me your opinion. And it’s a very reasonable. The thing is that everything at this point is theoretical so psychosis could very well be a cause. There’s tons of debate as to the cause. None of it is concrete.

[–]EGOtyst2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Right. I know it was in the "Big Book" as a mental illness up until a very short time ago. I can't understand the justification for its removal, other than political reasons and/or a change in sentimentality and climate.

I can't make the logical connections to it not being a mental/physical medical condition. It needs medicine, it needs fixing. That is how I would see it with my kids.

That being said, good luck man. Woman. Whichever. Either way. Good luck. Thanks for being a reasonable sounding board.

[–]Satan_Gang[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s still is. It went from Gender Identity Disorder to Gender Dysphoria in the psychiatric book of mental disorders in Volume 4 I believe. And it belongs there, whatever is at the root ends up causing mental distress. Yea same, thanks for being a rational human being.

[–]Generacist0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Because it has nothing to do with stereotyping. You are the one pointing out what you see as stereotypes in trans people. They are just trying to live.

[–]Ailig12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I would support the fuck out of them. No matter what my kid is going through, no matter who they are becoming, they are my kid and I love them unconditionally.

[–]Satan_Gang[S] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

That’s awesome <3

[–]Ailig2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

While I subscribe to a lot of TRP thinking I'm not conservative. I'm a flaming liberal with conservative tendencies :-) My kid is my kid, and no matter what path they are on, as long as it isn't destructive, I'm with them 100%.

[–]Satan_Gang[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It warms my heart read my that.

[–]batraz10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I would seek a medication and therapy to cure him.

[–]Satan_Gang[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s understandable

[–]hiyaimahuman1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]ooze716 points17 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

You have 2 options: 1) deny and be an ass, further alienating your kid; or 2) understand that he was, is, and will be your fucking kid.

See below for an interesting way to handle this:

At the end of the day, he will be your kid for (hopefully) the rest of your life. Who cares if he is trans or gay or whatever?

[–]MindTheFuture1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Same. Only thing is that I know in those communities there can be pressure to go with the flow of fully transitioning as default treatment, while many can live with their dysphoria with lesser means. Say, old fashioned - transvestites of any gender, nowdays called as bi-gender or something else newfound which just means that they feel a degree of gender dysphoria but for them the right choice to live with it is not to fully transition (and that they can have good life like that as well). I'd let them know of the cases who who found later on in life that transitioning wasn't the right for them afterall and that it could've been affected by other issues. Luckily, the barrier for the treatment is and should be time taking.

So, I would ask them to hold it while, experiment with different expressions that suits them and live a little, have relationships etc. See how it goes, just to be certain that their condition is really of the most severe type. Then, if so, that is just fine, better get over with it soon as possible so that the issue won't be on the way of more important things in life.

And I would demand to pay for them to freeze their eggs/sperm in case they want to have biological kids later in life.

[–]ooze71 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And I would demand to pay for them to freeze their eggs/sperm in case they want to have biological kids later in life.


[–]Satan_Gang[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks I appreciate the feedback.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I don’t agree with this. This is pretty postmodern thinking: “who cares?” I care, because choices have consequences, the choice to marry someone of the same sex, or the choice to be trans. And before you tell me “it’s not a choice to them, it’s biological,” there’s many, many ways humans are born one way but choose to act another way, for example people with pedophile urges. That’s the concept of sin, we’re all naturally driven to sin in different ways. If you experience same sex attraction, you’re not alone in your experience with other gay people, every human experiences the urge to sin. Yes, some people experience an urge to sin more than other people, but life is unfair. If someone chooses to be gay because they think it’s unfair that life is so unfair, then I’m not going to blame them, it’s a more difficult position, but I’m also not going to deny that they’re acting infantile. The ultimate goal is to not act in accordance to our desires, as infants do, but in accordance to rationality and morality. But today we’re increasingly acting not according to morality, which we’re increasingly not studying or reflecting on, but in accordance to our desires. And then we wonder why there is so much dysfunction.

As an example of a consequence of gay marriage, reflect on how redefining marriage means you’re redefining parenting, and redefining parenting means you’re redefining childhood. How does it feel for a son to not have a mother or a daughter to not have a father? Well you can listen to a daughter speak about this:

I don’t know enough about consequences of being trans well enough but personally I believe it’s similar.

OP, you asked what I would do if a child came out as trans. I think if a child came out as trans, I would give them all the support, access to medical professionals (psychologists for example), etc, without allowing them to transition. I’d do more research into how many people regret becoming trans, I know there’s a number of teenagers who went through “a sex change” only to regret doing it a few years later and share that information with my child. I’d only let my child go through “a sex change” as a very last resort. I’d also look at their urge to be the other gender as a symptom, not as the actual problem itself, meaning I’d see their urge to become the other gender as a weird, confusing symptom of something larger and more important going on in their life that needs addressing. The key is is to be compassionate but honest with your child.

[–]Generacist0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Morality is not universal. If being gay feels right wouldnt it be a moral obligation? The same if being straight?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

“Feels right” is not a principle to guide morality by.

[–]Theonlyclaireowin6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I know this comment is super late, but I’m just finding it super interesting how all of these comments are saying “he”. They’re all assuming that the trans person would be a male changing their sex into a female, and bone the other way around, which is odd. I think that just goes to show the heavy masculine stereotypes that men have to fall under in American society to be viewed as favorable. A woman transitioning into a man wouldn't bother people half as much, same how so many straight men hate gay men, but fantasize about lesbians.

[–]viagrafacts 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Support them and help them transition (make how they look match their internal sense of gender). TRP or no TRP, my kid is my kid and I want her (or him in this hypothetical) to live the best possible life. Even if you don't understand what it means to be transgender or are grossed out by it, the fact of the matter is that transgender children who receive support from their parents lead happier better lives.

[–]Satan_Gang[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree. Its very difficult and parental understanding really matters. Even if they don’t like it, looking past their view to ensure that their kid lives the best possible life. By rejecting them, you’re only making that mental distress get worse. If you have to pick the better of the two devils, Accepting something you think is wrong or rejecting your kid who’s going through a fucked up situation that they didn’t ask for either. Even if you open disapprove but still support them, that makes a world of a difference for some kid who’s going through hell. It’s not about being pro transgender rights, you can have whatever beliefs you want, but when your kid is suffering you should be compassionate to them because they’re your flesh and blood. And I honestly appreciate that there are parents like you that wouldn’t reject their kid for something their kid didn’t choose to feel.

[–]mattizie7 points8 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Actual transgenderism is a mental illness. I'd get him psychological help and a hormonal check to make sure everything's fine. If he was still transgender after all that, I'd consider it a reflection on my failure as a parent.

I'd wager to guess that most kids that consider themselves "trans" are just virgin losers who never made it as men, and think that trying to be women will make their lives easier.

Either way, if they did come out as "trans" or "gay", I wouldn't want anything to do with them. Nothing good can come off it, and odds are they'll just kill themselves a few years later anyway.

I took the liberty of looking through your profile because this kind of thing is one of my worst fears (that my kid would grow up to do this), and I wanted to confirm if my assumptions on the issue are correct:

My dad would hit me if I did something wrong, he would always yell at me, and just tell me things that make me feel worthless. Im guessing his way of making me toughen up. And then I stopped denying that my childhood was amazing. I mean it kinda was, but I hated my dad. With a passion. And he always doing coke and comimg home drunk, cheating on my mom most likely, always beeing a hypocrite, and talking bad about everyone(race gender class sexual orientation) and I started to dwell more into this, and stadted to find more patterns, my brother was younger then me by two years, and two this day I model myself after him, since he is in every way the perfect son (literally) and my dad was always proud of him. And then being bullied in grade school and all through jr high and high school. I started to question why I never tried being me. And the truth is I don't know how. All I ever wanted was to redeem myself in the eyes of my dad and prove to him that im not pathetic. And this is probably the root to my OCD, But I will never be good enough for his expectations, which just makes me feel worse and worse.

You're a tranny because you were abused by your dad but instead of toughening up, you were weak and were bullied (as is only natural), you saw that women don't have the same problems you do, so you started imitating them. You'll become a freak of nature, and at best will be a play thing for other men; and like women that don't create a family, you will be discarded when you get older and any looks/attraction you could possibly posses fades to nothing. You'll eventually realise that you fucked up your body completely (god help you if you actually castrate yourself) and it's irreversible. You'll then turn to harder and harder drugs to self medicate, and eventually kill yourself because it's the only way to stop the pain. And none of it was anyone's fault but your own for being weak and the people that enabled you to fuck up your body, and ultimately your life.

Nature is a cruel bitch. But hey, whatever, seems you made your choice so go out there, party, and enjoy life as a below average female would in the prime of her life, you've only got six more years or so, so make them count!

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

You do realise that not only men are transgender?

[–]mattizie4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Male trannies are virgin losersbwho never made it as men.

Female trannies are ugly bitches with penis envy.


[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Im pretty the only "virgin loser" in this conversations is the person spending their life sulking around the red pill subreddit popping slurs like they were Advil.

[–]mattizie2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Why are you even here? What are you hoping to achieve?

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

What were you hoping to achieve by fantasising about how you abuse your child?

[–]mattizie0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Why are you even here? What are you hoping to achieve?

You didn't answer my question.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm not obligated to answer your questions.

[–]Satan_Gang[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

There’s a chance you’re right. Nothing you’ve said right now is news to me. I thought about all of that too. When I was venting those feelings, what you just said did go though my mind. And it still does. But the issue isn’t that black and white. There’s a lot more to it, and to be honest I’m now actually happy that my dad raised me the way he did. Cause there’s a chance I could’ve of still turned out this way and him just accepting me would’ve of made everything you just said harder to deal with. Whether that’s what caused me to think I’m trans or there being different mental issues with me, at the end of the day I still don’t like women so it doesn’t really alter that much at this point. Maybe down the road before I commit to anything too permanent I could hypothetically detransition, even then I still end up just as screwed if everything you said turns out to be true. So instead I’m going to work on getting a higher education, and keep working hard and improving my resume and I know that regardless of gay straight or trans I’m still going to live a fullfilling life because of the amazing parents that I had that taught me a lot. All the bad stuff aside, my parents did way more good than bad and I’m no longer looking at the bad. But thanks for the psychoanalysis anyway.

[–]mattizie4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Just don't cut off your balls. It's one thing to be gay, it's another to be a eunuch.

[–]Satan_Gang[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree. I’m not looking forward to any surgeries anytime soon because that’s another way of looking at it.

[–]ShotgunTRP1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Depends on their age.

[–]Satan_Gang[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

What depends on the age?

[–]ShotgunTRP2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

If the kid is 5 I would consider a stage and just ignore it

If they’re 21 whatcha gonna do?

[–]Satan_Gang[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Okay makes sense

[–]OMGtothemoon0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I would treat it like the mental disorder that it is and stamp it out. None of that shit in my house.

[–]Satan_Gang[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good luck with that

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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