My husband's family is.... tricky. Their social/political beliefs are wildly different from ours, they don't like me because of it, and they make it known.

The trouble is, they're Southern, and they express their distaste in a way that's been too Southern for my East Coast socialization to pick up on. They are always objectively polite and friendly to me, so I've assumed that my discomfort is just a normal part of being around someone else's family and pushed through it, but in recently and especially since we got married in the spring, I've started to see that I'm not uncomfortable because I'm shy; I'm uncomfortable because of their palpable disgust towards me. I told my husband a few months ago that I feel like his family doesn't like me and he was surprised that I didn't already know that they didn't like me. Ouch.

He's always made sure that I have to be around them as little as possible and limits his interactions with them as well, but we obviously do still have to keep in touch with the family on some level. His relationship with them has been strained since before I came into the picture and he insists that their problem with me is mainly a reflection of their problems with him. He's always done his best to serve as a buffer between me and his family and it's usually effective.

Still.... I feel terrible about it. Thankfully we're skipping out on holidays this year, so I get to avoid being boxed in with them for the near future. I've still been feeling upset about having a whole group of people be so against me, and embarrassed that I've been trying to be friendly with these people who were never open to me. I can't keep resenting my husband's family, I can't keep venting about how much I hate my in-laws to my friends, and I can't keep avoiding them forever. It's especially hard when they say hurtful things to him and I have to find a way to be supportive instead of saying what I want to say, which is "of course your family keeps saying wild, untrue and hurtful things to you unprovoked, they're crazy!!!"

Does anyone have advice for how to deal with this kind of weird tension? What could I be doing better? Are there any good books out there about how to deal with problem in-laws?