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Anxiety and Withdrawal After Periods of Happiness

May 14, 2017

Ok RPWives. I've posted on here a few times before.

So lately I've noticed a pattern in myself. When things are going really well between my partner and I, like I find myself literally counting my blessings and thanking God for bringing us together, then ineveitably I start feeling anxious. I will begin to feel nervous and scared, and will usually withdraw, pick a fight, or get weepy and have a meltdown. At first I really thought he was causing all of this, but as more time passes I'm almost certain that he's just being the same as always, and his good qualities are still there as well as the annoying or maddening. He is just going through his day being him.

I'm really seeking a fuller self awareness. My parents were divorced and his have had multiple partners/spouses, and I wish to know our pitfalls so that we can live together successfully. I am uncovering a large amount of insecurities in me that I never really realized existed. I think I'm able to discover this because of the constancy of the relationship.

Internet searches are only giving me info about men pulling away after good times. I would like to know if anyone had any insight or guesses that might help set me off in a good direction of self-awareness.

Thank you!

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[–]laurenkkmid 30's, married 7(17 total)5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I am personally more likely to experience anxious, depressing, and jealous thoughts with hormone fluctuations. Tracking my mood closely while charting my mensual cycles helped me discover this.

Your hormone levels aren't always going to be the same month to month in relation to each other. Things like stress and even food affect how much of each is made.

Now, 90% of the time I can stop and realize that I'm not really feeling a terrible feeling for a valid reason. Rather, I'm not handling it logically as I normally would because I'm at a certain point in my cycle.

Tracking your moods and feelings compared to other daily habits is a very wonderful, basic and empowering way to practice mindfulness.

ETA: consider trying guided​ meditation. You can search YouTube for"guided meditation _______" anxiety/anger/guilt, any emotion really. I always feel like I have a better grasp on the "bigger picture" after meditating.

[–]mrssmithhh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you!! I appreciate the answer!

[–]teammeli points points [recovered] | Copy Link

yes, i can relate! i go through periods of time where i feel so secure, bonded and tight with my SO that nothing can change it. and then, it will change into me being insecure, needy and looking for problems that don't exist by overthinking and over analyzing.

i decided that i didn't want to live like that anymore and until my SO gave me real reasons to act paranoid, insecure and needy (which he didn't) i needed to learn a way to manage it or else i was going to lose my relationship.

i decided to track my cycles using an app, where i input my moods throughout the month and figured out a lot of it was hormonal. i also realized that men and women have different needs and bonding styles, especially reading Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus. when i needed validation and attention, i was "in the well" and when my SO pulled away, it was because he was "in the cave".

i highly suggest reading that, if you haven't already! i often refer to it when i'm feeling anxious and insecure.

[–]mrssmithhh[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for the response! i will look into the book!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

you may just be an anxious person. Which is fine.

decide if your anxiety is based on something real or not. most likely its not. Suggestions:

  • journaling when you're anxious then letting it go.
  • wine (I personally love malbec)
  • exercise. stay fit and be less anxious yay
  • Learn about Myers Briggs. Learn what your type is. Build up cognitive processes that lend itself to decreasing anxiety.
  • Sex. Feel sexy and stop thinking XD

Best of luck!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

What kind of MB functions do you think decrease anxiety? I've always felt like anxiety was a result of imbalance in the functions (ie ignoring the shadow function).


Too real :D

[–]prairieflowerEarly 30's, married 10+ yrs0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

journaling when you're anxious then letting it go.

Great suggestion! Journaling has been a life-saver for me. Writing in the midst of emotion and then revisiting when I feel less anxious really helps with perspective.

[–]littlegoosegirlMid 20s, Married 1 year! 9 years total0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It may be that you have some slight anxiety, and that it revolves around the things that you care about most, like your relationship. This happened to me all the time when I first met my husband, and occasionally it will still happen to me. The first thing I do is tell my husband that I'm feeling afraid, and that I need his help. I used to just keep my fears to myself, but that usually led to them spiraling out of control. By telling him upfront, he can head off the worst of my anxiety by giving me lots of hugs, or telling me that everything is fine and it's just my mind. It really helps so much! Confiding in your SO will also bring you closer through that vulnerability, which is always good. :)

I second the advice telling you to chart your cycle, because close to my period I have a huge spike in irrational terror. Both my husband and I know this, and we can prepare. I hate being frightened and weepy near my cycle, but my husband says it's much preferred to me being a total witch!

[–]Rivkariver0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

You're afraid to feel happy in case it goes away. Focus on fulfillment more than feeling good. Our emotions are a roller coaster. Remember thoughts and feelings will pass and you don't have to act on them.

[–]mrssmithhh[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Thanks! Do you ever feel this way?

[–]Rivkariver0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes. I realized that the only true happiness is peace and stability and being a good person. Feeling warm and fuzzy is not the greatest good, and it's always dependent on things going your way. That can't happen all the time. Inner peace is the real happiness.

[–]mrssmithhh[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh I like this. It makes happiness totally dependent of the people you feel emotionally connected to, and instead they become a happy benefit to your own happiness. Thank you very much!

[–]ThrowingItIntoTheSea0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm so, so glad you posted this! I get like this too- most recently over the weekend. We had a beautiful weekend together, he is loving, completely present, supportive and wonderful- and when he left for work I had a panic attack in the bathroom. Overthinking everything, brain inventing non-existent problems, etc etc.

I kept gritting my teeth and saying, "A feeling is just a feeling, it doesn't mean anything is wrong." I went for a walk outside. I came back and made myself a screwdriver to drink. I started preparing supper. Eventually the terror an anxiety passed.

I think I am getting better at managing my moods, and now that the anxiety has passed I am proud of myself that I did not take the bait and pick a fight, or get weepy sharing my "crazy" with him. I don't want to look like an incompetent, needy basketcase. I do the opposite of what I really want- which is to pull back with grace and dignity.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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