~ archived since 2018 ~

Appreciate the Man

July 2, 2019

An update on progress since my previous post! https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/bza4cc/feeling_a_lot_of_resentment_need_encouragement/

Things have improved. I've been congratulated this week by Mr Poley on 'not crowding the setter' (Yes he's read the book too)

The last two weeks I've been sending him my daily reflections on things he did the day before for which I am grateful. Spurred on by the concept of you cannot resent what you appreciate.

It has led to some very honest conversations and changes. He knows I’ve held him responsible for my anxiety due to having felt abandoned at the wheel and let down by him three very specific times when I’ve really needed him to come through. I’ve had to accept my own choices enabled him to do that and have blocked him fixing things before now.

But do you know what, I think we are getting somewhere.

  1. He’s stopped moaning on about the problem child at forest school and taken some decisive action to resolve the issue.
  2. He’s started coming home with a plan for the evening and implementing it
  3. He’s done food shops galore! He's not passed any of his jobs off onto me.
  4. He’s made a list of jobs that are long overdue round the house and he’s started doing them.
  5. He’s had only one day off work in two weeks. He’s helping out in their peak busy period as he will have the entire summer break off. He’s actually apologised for leaving me to do the kids stuff solo both of the last weekends and reassured me that its just temporary. He knows I don’t want to go back to being a married single mum (third final breakdown issue) He’s letting me know he knows it’s a concern and he’s got me covered. I'm grateful! (Not sure how I'm going to manage this weekend without cloning myself though, but I will prevail!)
  6. Despite working so much he is coming home and pitching in, not just flopping with his ps4 and refusing to lift a finger
  7. He’s taken over the worst part of the parenting day for me without being asked. He has seen it frustrating me and he's stepped in.
  8. He’s started footy again. He’s been bad with carpal tunnel and trigger finger last 18 months and stopped MMA and footy due to the pain he was in. He’s just been signed off from his final surgery though and was able to go back. That will help with his anger and energy levels! Its good to see him well enough to do that stuff again.
  9. He’s started giving me instructions! Last night he had a load of stuff he wanted to get done and he sent ME out to score weed. (don't judge us! Its our life, we're not harming anyone and its strictly after kids bedtime) Not done that for about 15 years. Felt quite exciting actually. He’s tried to make me go before and I refused. Couldn’t even see a reason not to go yesterday. He’s just text me what to pick up tonight on the way home! Its nice not to have to think about it myself.
  10. I am finding comfort in his arms again. When he’s handling shit, I can get with him. I can lie in his arms and fall into his easy going, contented world where everything is always ok. The one I have resented him living in. Its a nice place. Can see why he likes it.

So there you go. I can surrender, I might even be able to respect the man in time.

{ Will I be able to respect myself? Different story entirely }

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Post Information
Title Appreciate the Man
Author poleywoleywoley
Upvotes 18
Comments 5
Date July 2, 2019 1:30 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWives
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/appreciate-the-man.244493
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/c898zq/appreciate_the_man/
Red Pill terms in post

[–]Throwuhwaiy 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is so great! Just remember this is an ongoing process. It never really ends.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

We’ve been here before plenty. But we’ll keep trying, maybe this time we’ll crack it.

[–]teaandtalk30, married 7 years1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Glad to hear things are improving! How are you making him feel like this change is worthwhile for him? Are you being thankful, are you telling him how protected you feel when he's handling stuff, are you showing your enthusiasm for him sexually?

Also: "will I be able to respect myself?" Why wouldn't you? What is your thought process that makes you feel like you aren't doing respectable things?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Good question! Yes, he’s hearing all that. Hes enjoying the more relaxed me at home. More laughter. He’s happy to please me bless him and has expressed pleasure in seeing me sit back. Lovely isn’t he? and oh my god yes! Three times yesterday and I went out to pole class! He’s literally fighting me off most days ‘good god woman later, or ‘haven’t you had enough 😂😂 ‘ doesn’t help he comes home all muddy, smelling like a bonfire and looking like a Viking 😆 and immediately strips off.. As for the other bit, I’m about to do something stupid. I’m very conflicted right now but it’s another story not for here.

[–]teaandtalk30, married 7 years2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Why are you about to do something stupid, things are going WELL!?! PM me if you need to chat/be talked out of something :P

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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