I was discussing relationships with a friend recently and we were talking about my second to last relationship vs my current one.

I was just sort of thinking out loud, but I was explaining to her how nice it is that in this current relationship, I don’t feel anxious or stressed. My current boyfriend is really laid-back and considerate. He says what he’s thinking and feeling, in a masculine way, and as a result, I’m not second guessing myself. We’re on the same page. Although still a new relationship, I’m very comfortable with myself and him and I'm pleased with how things are going. Personally, I like this dynamic and think it’s a great thing. While maybe a tad mundane to some, I like routine when it comes to relationships.

In my previous relationship, everything was on “HIGH ALERT.” It was super passionate, and I always felt the peak of every emotion that came with being with him. I never knew what was going to happen or how I was going to feel. My ex always kept me guessing. While this was sometimes exciting for me, it was draining and ultimately I think this dynamic really stressed me out. However, some women I know REALLY like this. They tell me that it “keeps things fresh" and they consider it "romantic."

Through having this discussion I realized that society and the media define “good” relationships as super passionate dynamics involving 2 people who experience the peak of every emotion you can imagine for and about each other. Never constant. They describe “comfortable” relationships almost as boring. How many times have you heard of women engaged or dating someone they’ve known for years, but their relationship entered a more steady or routine phase and they got REALLY bored and wanted the guy who was totally inconsistent but “exciting.” They start to push their SOs to doing things to "get feelings out of them." Super dramatic arguments and "on and off" again stories.

These women start to think that they need something different or can do better and so they leave their relationships for something more ideal, and in my opinion, uncertain and chaotic.

Example movies of this (I can't think of better examples right now!):

  • The Notebook
  • Titanic
  • Sweet Home Alabama

I want to know what you ladies think of this. Why do you think that society favors uncertain and unstable relationships over steady and comfortable ones? Why is consistency in relationships read as boring? Is it wise for women to favor passion over comfort in relationships, or vice versa? What do you prefer in your own relationships: passion or comfort?