How old are you & relationship status? 37, my husband is 38; married 15 years

What’s the problem? For the last several years we’ve gone through lots of marriage troubles. But lately my husband just seems testy and like everything I do is wrong. He had the week off from work and he was a totally different person.

Seeing this change from irritable, starting arguments, distant guy to holding my hand, smiling sweetly at me, wanting to cuddle, kissing and flirting with me… made me realize that my actions haven’t been the sole problem here. But him being stressed out. He doesn’t seem to see it though. I did mention how wonderful it was to have him home and how much I loved the extra time i had with him.

I suppose my question is how do I help facilitate his stress relief? Or make a calming environment at home.

How I contribute to the problem: I am also very busy and stressed. When I was off work during the pandemic things were similar to the last week. I have suggested that me not working might make things easier at home, but he is hesitant about that being a solution. Since I work weekends, I keep the home tidy during the week, but he and the kids do deeper cleaning on the weekends (which he offered to do). I also often look to him for emotional support and intimacy but I suppose that could be an extra stressor for him (although this week he seemed to want to be really close without me “trying”)

how long has this been happening? It’s hard to say since we’ve been having issues between us for several years. He claims that he is over that so I guess this specific issue would be the last year or so since he’s been promoted (a lot more on his shoulders at work).

what have I tried?” Nothing yet as I just noticed this difference in him yesterday. I did text him this morning to tell him how much I loved having him home.

do we have an active bedroom life?” Not particularly. Probably 2-3 times a month. Our schedules don’t align that well - he will need to go to sleep early on the nights I’m interested and vice versa. He has said that stress has been affecting his libido. I’ve been trying to do more quickies and bj’s to maybe help relieve stress. But he turns me down if it’s too often because he isn’t returning the favor and feels bad.

We just had our 15th anniversary. We’ve been together for 16 years.