A while ago /u/jack_hammarred made a really interesting post and I wanted to zero in on one part and discuss both the general idea and how we can use the information in our relationships. From Unlocking Erotic Intelligence:

In a nutshell, her thesis is this: intimacy in relationships is frequently – and inexplicably – the enemy of sex. The intimacy Perel’s referring to is the romantic ideal of semi-conjoined couples who believe that love means quashing mystery in favor of sweet companionship. In order for couples to remain interested in one another, they require distance, transgression, surprise, and play. We must be able to stand back from our partners, to view them as separate, mysterious people, for them to remain objects of our desire. “Desire is fueled by the unknown,” Perel insists...

...

You want to make (your partner) someone that you’re curious about... I actually believe that people never fully know the other if they stay curious.

...

When are you most drawn to your partner? When I see my partner passionate about something, when I see my partner in his element, when I see my partner on stage, when I see my partner talking to other people, when I see other people attracted to her or to him, when he plays with the kids... when she makes me laugh, when he surprises me, when he’s vulnerable, or when she’s vulnerable. [It’s when] you see their wholeness. You see them as not needy and you see them radiating. So they are emanating something–generosity, kindness, joy, force, influence, persuasion–whatever it is. But you emanate something, you put something out there into the world when you radiate.

Do you agree? How do you incorporate this into your sexual strategy? For those looking to improve in this area, what steps are you planning on taking?