Here's a link to my original post
Most of you urged me to talk to him about it. I promised I would get back to you after I had spoken to my SO about catching a glimpse of a dating website in his frequently visited tiles.
Sssoooo ... Here's how that went.
I had been checking out Reddit regularly all day in the hope for more good advice, rational explanations, etcetera. By the end of the work day, I was fairly calm. I wouldn't have been this calm if it wasn't for your comments.
I got home first and was preparing myself mentally, but I couldn't ask the question until we had finished our daily routine and were about to head to bed. I asked him: "Honey, something that I didn't quite understand occurred last week. When we were looking at furniture for our apartment on your laptop, I saw that there was a dating website in your frequently visited websites." That's it. I didn't get angry, I wasn't accusing him of anything. Simply stating the facts.
He froze a little - he is extremely sensitive to any kind of tension and he must've felt my underlying anxiety. "Ah, I thought that you might've seen that. You acted a bit weird afterwards. We were talking about online dating at work. I surfed to the website. One of my colleagues is giving it a try."
An innocent enough reason :-)
We snuggled up but I wasn't feeling 100% comfortable. The built up anxiety and past memories set something off. I was ready to burst into tears. (Yeeaahh ... Not completely recovered from the damage caused in a previous relationship.)
I went to refresh myself a bit but ended up quietly sobbing on the floor. (So awkward typing this out but I want to share the full event.) My SO probably heard me and came to ask me what was wrong. I was very closed about my feelings at first, but he urged me to open up. I ended up confessing how vulnerable I feel in this stage of our relationship. He confirmed that we have transitioned to a whole next level, with being together for over a year and living together half of it and all that. (I personally feel like the interweaving of our lives has just begun.) He also told me he'd be very shocked if I would ever leave him from this point onwards.
Then he tried to cheer me up a bit. At some time during the evening (before I asked the question) he had been mysteriously smiling. I had tried to get him to tell me what was so funny. He refused to tell me then, but he did now: he had felt the urge to ask me when we are going to get married. My heart kind of melted then and there.
Fast forward a bit: we talked until late in the night, had sex, talked some more and I ended the evening by saying "And in response to your question, we are going to get married once you've proposed."