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How to be "Friends" with your Significant Other

July 12, 2016

In a previously submitted thread, there was discussion had about how men view friendship with their significant other. I am of the belief that men and women have very different worldviews on what defines a “friend.” Women think that being their man’s friend implies they should be one of the guys and this is not the case at ALL. Men want feminine energy from their partners almost all the time, even if from the outside, they appear evenly matched and very similar.

Men are very private about emotions and often save expressions of emotion for very personal and intimate relationships, like close family, life long friends and LTRs (if you earn it) and wives. So when your man is being friendly with you, or requests that he seeks your friendship, know these truths:

  • He doesn't want you to be "one of the guys"
  • He doesn't want you to treat him like "one of the girls"
  • He should be the priority friend to YOU. (You may not be his priority friend but that's usually okay)

Instead, keep this traits in mind when you want a friendship with your man!

Loyalty -- You know that one best friend that your boyfriend or husband has had for more than 10-20 years who would have his back no matter what? That’s loyalty to men that defines friendship. If he’s in jail, that friend would bail him out. If he got caught in a lie, that friend would cover for him. They don’t question the friendship. The title of “friend” means no matter what. When a man says he wants you in his corner, this is what he means. You support him and have his back, NO MATTER WHAT. This takes the longest time to build, I think, but I strongly believe that men propose when they feel you have earned their loyalty.

Authenticity -- Guys cherish friendships where they can be their complete selves. Often times, men have a lot of pressure to be in charge or never show weakness. They have to keep frame more than preferred and this can be tiring. When they’re with friends, they can be themselves. They can comfortably be dorky if they want. They can make mistakes without feeling that their masculinity will be questioned. They can openly and proudly fart and not feel judged. Men in romantic relationships may not be this comfortable in the beginning but they still fantasize about eventually being their authentic selves with their significant other in their own ways. When a guy gets comfortable and say, farts or something (totally natural) women sometimes go “omg ew, you can’t do that around me!). He will be super embarrassed and never feel that he can be himself around you. He also may never tell you this and he could resent you for it.

Trust -- Men don’t like to show weakness. They don’t gossip. They hate complaining. This doesn’t mean they will never do it. If your SO decides to open up and share his thoughts or feelings or concerns or fears, you CANNOT go behind his back and make it public. Never use it against him. You are his safe. His journal. Think of it as a lawyer/client privilege. You are breaking the law (of your relationship) if you break his trust. Male friendships in this case would be like one friend considering to cheat on his wife and he tells his friend about it. Even if he NEVER goes through with having an affair, he appreciates that he can share this with his friend and not be judged. The friend may even tell him in private that it's a terrible idea to cheat, but word is bond. He’s not going to rat him out to the wife. Women should operate the same way. If your husband or boyfriend shares something to you, receive the information and behave accordingly but don’t then turn around and tell the universe. It’s our nature to share to bond, but that’s not necessarily how men operate. Don’t lose his trust.

Vulnerability --- This is similar to trust but must be its own category. Sometimes, men won’t open up at all. They won’t be able to express how they are feeling and may just act a certain way with the expectation that you’ll be there for them. Let’s say your guy is sick. He’s probably not going to ask you to take care of him. That would be weak. But he will, by virtue of being sick in front of you, express to you that he is okay being vulnerable around you. This is a big deal, especially for very masculine men who value being a show of strength at all times. It’s important that you don’t belittle or mock your man in these moments. Instead, be a loving and caring woman for him. Make him his favorite meal with all the fixings. Or maybe he may want space in this time so he can properly recover. Know what your man likes to have when he’s not feeling his best and give him that. He will love you for it.

Humor -- This one is super hard for me personally. Men and women laugh at similar things for very different reasons. My boyfriend personally loves to joke about violent things. Example: When people are driving terrible on the interstate, he will laugh about the idea of running them over and backing up, and doing it again. Or his favorite, all women can’t drive. And so forth. Now, as a former blue-blood, card carrying SJW of the progressive side of the Democratic Party, I still feel tings of OMG NOOOOO when he says stuff like this. But men like cracking jokes with their friends, even if its humor through aggressive ideas or actions. Even if I don’t find it funny, I don’t stop him from making the joke or discourage his sense of humor.

In all, these are traits that men value in their male friendships. However, when you couple these traits in a woman that a man is sexually and romantically involved with, you have a formula that makes for beautifully intimate relationships between men and women. It will make a guy relax, feel close to you and want you around. Basically, it breeds harmony. You don’t have to master all these things at once, but keeping them in mind will ultimately bring you closer to your man!

I hope these tips are helpful!

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Post Information
Title How to be "Friends" with your Significant Other
Author Sunhappy_DC
Upvotes 27
Comments 13
Date July 12, 2016 3:22 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWives
Archive Link
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