~ archived since 2018 ~

I had a baby!

April 14, 2017

She's really cute and cuddly! She was born at home on 3/29 at 3 in the morning after 7 hours of active labor - a ten pounder!

I was very prepared for labor, and had everything we needed for the baby and a bunch of frozen meals. But no one really warned me how hard the recovery would be! (Or maybe they did, and I just didn't listen.) She's 2 weeks old and I'm just starting to feel better and do things around the house. I needed stitches and couldn't sit until like the fifth day. Had to learn to breastfeed lying down, which was no easy feat! It was two days before I was strong enough to shower. We've had a couple of spats where I lost my shit and embarrassed myself. But even in the midst of postpartum hormones I managed not to say hurtful things and apologized. Neither of us were expecting me to be out of commission for so long. At one point he was like "I just want my wife back", which made me really sad.

I've made sure he was included in all the baby stuff from the start. He thought he'd have to fight me for diaper duty, but he ended up changing all the diapers for the first few days! She loves to cuddle with him. I pump a little milk before going to sleep so that he can feed her when she wakes up in the night. And he's done all the laundry since she was born and nothing has been ruined.

Things I've learned so far:

  • Have a postpartum doula (or some form of in-home help) set up for the first few days at least, preferably the first week. They can help with housework, figuring out baby stuff, and breastfeeding. You don't know if you're going to have an easy or hard recovery until after you give birth, so better to be set up just in case.

  • We haven't used the crib yet. For much of the first two weeks she slept with one or both of us. Then we tried out the crib and she just wasn't having it. So we bought a rock n play and put it next to the bed. I'd buy used and cheap for whatever sleeping device you're going to get, if any. You or your baby may end up hating it.

  • You're going to hurt the baby at least once... They're pretty hardy. My husband accidentally ran her forehead into the bottom of a cabinet. And I knocked her head on a door. Just don't freak out. If the baby is acting normal after you calm it down, chances are it's fine.

  • Dads are a lot rougher with babies than moms are, and that's fine. Remember that they have instincts as well. She was only a week or so old when he started swinging her around in the air. Just walk away if you can't handle it.

  • You don't need very many baby clothes. Most people overdress their infants. We only dress her for sleep and for going places, and even then it's just one layer. It's easy to keep a baby's body temperature steady if you keep body contact with them. The majority of the clothes we bought were too small! Instead of a ton of clothes just get like 10,000 diapers - you're going to need those more.

  • Get a couple of baby wearing devices like slings, wraps, etc. Don't buy girly ones so that your husband can use them too. So far we like the ring sling the most.

TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill content, including various subreddits and blogs. This post has been archived from the subreddit /r/RedPillWives.

/r/RedPillWives archive

Download the post

Want to save the post for offline use on your device? Choose one of the download options below:

Post Information
Title I had a baby!
Author Kittenkajira
Upvotes 37
Comments 29
Date April 14, 2017 11:01 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWives
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/i-had-a-baby.208994
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/65fuie/i_had_a_baby/

[–]laurenkkmid 30's, married 7(17 total)7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yesss! Babies. 18 month old now and I'm really starting to feel ready for the next round.

It sounds like you're doing a fantastic job over there 😀 Oh the importance of letting Dad just be Dad. Have you found it generally easy to just detach, walk away when is his turn for a task?

I'm so jealous of your home birth. Congratulations!

[–]Kittenkajira[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I haven't had a problem with him taking over a lot of the tasks. I was pretty out of it and focused on baby for a while, so that helped.

[–]cynicalhousewife points points [recovered] | Copy Link

My husband never really helped me with anything. Maybe it has something to do with him being from a different culture? He plays with the kids but refuses to do anything practical. If I need extra help he just drives his mom to come and stay with us.

[–]Kittenkajira[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Probably just a different culture. I hear lots of other cultures have female family and community members come together to take care of the new mom for a few weeks.

[–]teaandtalk29, married 6 years, together 83 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Congrats! It sounds like a really special time, and the way you've included your husband is awesome :)

[–]bettsdressed points points [recovered] | Copy Link

Congratulations!!!! Wow that's so neat. I find your insight helpful about the Dad stuff. Also, I am parched for some real-woman feedback on natural/somewhat natural childbirth insights. So, I could sit down and ask you so many questions.

But I will ask one: how did you manage mentally/stay positive to press through labor? Did you have naysayers?

Anyway, thanks for your post!! And congrats again!

[–]Kittenkajira[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

We didn't have any naysayers. Some relatives were like "well as long as you're willing to go to the hospital if needed". But that's about as negative as they got!

In early labor my husband and I were waiting for it to pick up after taking castor oil, and I had so many fears. So I sat next to him and just let it all out. I told him all the fears and what-if's going through my mind. I kid you not, the contractions picked up right after that and an hour later I was in active labor. Who knows what he said in response, I just needed to get it out.

For staying positive during labor - contractions were easier to handle if I could hang onto my husband. Even just having his hand to hold made it better. There were a few contractions that happened while he was getting me water or something, and I'd just blindly reach for him until I grabbed some skin. In earlier labor it helped to have a mental chant going on, I think for a while I was saying "you're strong, you've got this!"

Transition was tough. I didn't even realize that's what was happening - the midwives knew because my sounds were getting louder and lower. It really helped to have someone pressing on my hips. Then I got into the birthing tub expecting to relax for a while, but my body was ready to push. It felt like I was only in there for 15 minutes or so, but it was around an hour! The contractions got soooo strong - my whole body was contorting and jackknifing. I don't know that it hurt, it was just scary because I didn't know what was going on and couldn't control it. I kept telling myself to let it all happen and don't fight it. This was about when the negative started coming out. I kept saying "oh my god, I can't!" And every one was like "You can! You are!" My husband did some much needed comic relief. I opened my eyes after a pushing contraction, and he had the bottle of castor oil in his hand, right in my face. I'm pretty sure I had a face of horror, and was like "I have to take more of that?!" Then everyone started laughing, me included. That relief I felt at not needed to drink it probably relaxed my whole body.

I had a friend over about a week after, and she asked me to describe what the contractions were like. I stared at the wall for a while, realizing that I honestly couldn't remember. I recall bits and pieces, things I said, ways my body moved and positions - but I really can't remember the pain or what it felt like. Nature is pretty cool. :)

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Congratulations!! :)

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]ecossecholate 20s, LTR 2 years2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Congratulations, that's wonderful! It sounds like you're doing a great job with a really huge adjustment.

[–]BellaScarletta3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Awwww congrats Kitten!!

So happy for you and hubby and little one <3

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Congrats! And thank you for this. I'm due in less than 6 weeks and getting a little overwhelmed! The tips about getting your husband really involved with the baby in his own way are perfect. I'm certainly going to have to remember that and fight off the overprotective mummy urge!

[–]Kittenkajira[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

How exciting! Just keep reminding yourself that dads have instincts too. :) Skin to skin contact on dads is just as good as on moms, so give him lots of cuddle time. I'm grateful now because I can have a couple hours of me time while they hang out. Something a lot of new moms have a hard time with is getting touched out because baby only wants to be with them.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link


I feel ya on the recovery part - I had a c-section and had a horrible time moving around. I also had intense swelling in my feet from all the fluid they pumped into me. Took 11 days to finally die down! Nobody really warned me about that.

Isn't it just amazing to see your husband with your baby? I was very fortunate that my husband was unemployed when our son was born (not as dire as it sounds, we had plenty in savings and he's working now), so he was around 24/7 for the first 3 1/2 months. Seeing them together just melted my heart. We both did lots of skin to skin until his little cord fell off, baby practically lived in just a diaper for a few weeks :) I have so many pictures of Baby sleeping on my husband's chest, ahhh I just love it. It's made my love for my husband so much deeper in a way I never anticipated.

Things certainly are not the same between us, and I miss it. Like, just being able to sit on the couch together laughing loudly at something. But I wouldn't trade it because having a baby together is just so wonderful. I have mourned our "previous life", though! It's a big adjustment that I was not prepared for.

[–]Kittenkajira[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I don't know if it's something that happens with older babies, but ours doesn't mind loud noises and such. Just made all kinds of racket in the kitchen with her in a sling, and she slept right through it. :)

Daddy cuddles are the best! There's a Facebook page called Don't Forget Dads that has a ton of heartwarming pictures.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's funny, Baby can be sleeping on Dad's chest with Dad snoring loudly right into his ear, and he's fine. But if he's sleeping on me, and I laugh a little too loudly...nope!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Congrats, and thanks so much for the info!

I'm having a baby in a few weeks (due April 28) and this is really helpful. Especially because BabyBumps is a bastion of liberal nonsense.

[–]le_petit_croissant2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Do you mean feminist? I'm largely liberal politically and still redpill.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Mostly feminist, but also liberal in posting anti-Trump things once a week or so (which would be fine if it were a political sub)

[–]le_petit_croissant4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Congrats momma! The difficulty of breast feeding was the biggest surprise and frustration for me! And the post partum hormones. I honestly thought once the baby was out and I had my body unoccupied (hah!) again I would stop getting irrationally irritated and irrationally tearful. It honestly took me 4 months to feel emotionally normal again. It's probably post partum I felt my MOST vulnerable. Unattractive, lumpy, saggy, leaky, bleeding, and crying out of frustration/exhayation when the baby wouldn't latch. It passes but my husband fielded so many comfort tests during that time. I apologized (usually while sobbing again) but yeesh. It was SO hard! Self care is hard to come by during this time but really try to eke some out everyday to keep yourself from becoming completely drained and slap on a touch of make up and do your hair when you get up, it'll keep you feeling human.

[–]Kittenkajira[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That latching is tough! I had to get help from a lactation consultant and will probably go back a few more times. That was the cause of one of my temper tantrums... I was having such a hard time latching her right and it was hurting something awful each time I tried, baby was crying - in the midst of this my husband brought me the food he made. I was like "can you give me a moment alone?" Then he got cranky because my food was going to get cold. I legit screamed at him to leave me alone, lol. I mean like top of my lungs screamed like a crazy banshee. He didn't talk to me for a couple hours after that and I kept bawling my eyes out.

For now I'm feeling better emotionally. Not having the pain when latching and getting enough sleep are going a long way to improve my mood. That and two showers a day. Being postpartum is stinky business!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yay! I'm so excited for you. what wonderful news!

[–]fattybread83Mid 20s, Married 5 years, RPW~2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Congratulations! I'm impressed by your teamwork with your little one~

[–]cynicalhousewife points points [recovered] | Copy Link

I would have loved to have given birth at home but I had some sort of complication with every baby/pregnancy. This time around I have to go into hospital because of a previous c section. I'm actually not looking forward to it. I hate hospitals and the birth itself is filling me with nothing but anxiety. I am also currently on medication to control neausea and vomiting and acid reflux, so I feel fine right now, but if I didn't take it I would be too unwell to look after my other two kids. I personally want a big family, but I don't like the being pregnant and giving birth parts. I haven't had the best experiences in that respect because I have always been high risk. My first baby was born normally but he stopped breathing shortly after he was born, and if we hadn't been in hospital he might not be here now. He was sick and needed antibiotics and we were in hospital for a week. I didn't sleep the whole week I was there because it was bright, hot and noisy and the bed wasn't comfortable. My second baby was delivered by c section because he was transverse and I had some issues with the placenta before he was born as well. I actually discharged myself against medical advice because I just couldn't stand to be in the hospital any longer. My baby was healthy but I left 1 day after having a c section and the hospital were not happy. My c section recovery at home after that was actually really easy believe it or not. I went out shopping the day I discharged myself. I don't know what's happening with this one because it's quite early yet, however I am hoping to try a vbac. My doctor said I will have to be constantly monitored and I will have to lay on my back. I'm actually not looking forward to it.

[–]Kittenkajira[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Previous complications or c-section don't automatically negate a home birth. Check out ICAN and see if there is a chapter near you.

[–]cynicalhousewife points points [recovered] | Copy Link

The problem is I know that any complications can be catastrophic and I don't want to risk it. I would rather be inside a hospital should something like that happen.

[–]Kittenkajira[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

To each their own. That is the reason most give for wanting to birth in a hospital. Even in a hospital it takes 15-30 minutes for an OR to be prepped. If you live within a 15 minute range of a hospital, chances are the midwife can call an ambulance which will notify the hospital to prep an OR and you'll arrive about the same time. Many midwives are trained EMT's. And there are those who believe (myself included) that most of the emergencies you are saved from in the hospital during birth are ones that wouldn't have happened if you were birthing without interventions. Interventions definitely have their place. But I'd rather be cared for by a provider who only recommends them when appropriate. My midwife only has a 7% transfer rate with 30 years of births, and her c-section rate is around 2%. Just look at The Farm in Tennesse, which has a 1.7% c-section rate and 1.3% transfer rate for emergencies, and they do many vbac's. To me it seems safer to birth out of a hospital setting. My two local hospitals have a 30% and 32% c-section rate.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2023. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter