~ archived since 2018 ~

"I Love You"

September 5, 2016

In your relationship, who said it first? When was the first time you "knew"? How long did you wait to say it after beginning to date, or after first feeling it?

Inspired by comments in the "What Is Love?" thread, what are your personal experiences?

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Post Information
Title "I Love You"
Author BellaScarletta
Upvotes 10
Comments 38
Date September 5, 2016 5:26 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWives
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/i-love-you.209618
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/51ahqe/i_love_you/

[–]MyRPWAccountmid-20s, married < 5 years, together < 6.[🍰] 11 points12 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

My husband said it first.

...In his sleep, after a few beers, while he was half-smothering me. I was trying to get up so I could use the bathroom, but he grabbed me into a hug and said, "Don't go. Love you."

I teased him about it that morning. A few weeks later, we found out I was pregnant, and he called me up and said, "We can do this. I love you. I really do." Ladies & gentlelurkers, I cried.

Now, his sleep conversations are about fast food products. :P

[–]jade_cat4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Awwwwh that's so cute!!! It's like a big bear hug!

My husband did something similar when we were dating for a few months (less than six), but not with the "I love you".

He was pretty drunk that night (we were at a party) and he slept at my place. When he was half asleep he... proposed to me. He hugged me and said "Sweetie, do you want to marry me?"

So, so many butterflies in my stomach, when he said that... :)

[–]MyRPWAccountmid-20s, married < 5 years, together < 6.[🍰] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's adorably hilarious. :)

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Aww that's actually a really sweet story

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Hahaha wow that's great - how long have you been together now??

[–]MyRPWAccountmid-20s, married < 5 years, together < 6.[🍰] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Almost 6 years. :)

[–]tradmarriageftwEarly 30s, Married, 7 years5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

My husband was my first boyfriend so I was reallllly inexperienced. We had been together for a of couple weeks and then it was valentines day. He found a record store that had a rare record I was talking about and blew me away. The next day I shyly said "Do you think you might love me?" and he said "Actually, yeah, but I thought it might be too soon to say it." and I was like "Me too."

[–]timeforstretchpants30s | married | housewife2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That is absolutely adorable ♥️

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That is really really cute, and how great for you to share that experience exclusively with him (:

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

In all my past relationships, I've always said it first. But now I'm way more guarded. I think it would take a LOT for me to say "I love you" to a man first.

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I'm in accord there. I've said it first twice and heard it first once. But those were all not really the result of any thought on my part, as all were pre-RP. Now, I think given the choice I would let the man set the pace there and avoid feeling as if I'm pressuring him to feel a certain way.

[–]jade_cat2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

We were at the airport. I was leaving for a two-week trip, he drove me to the airport. We hugged, and kissed, and hugged again, and then he said softly in my ear "I love you".

...and me, like an idiot, I thought I didn't hear well, so I said "Huh?"

So he said it again, "I love you". And I told him "I love you too". And we kissed and hugged again. And then I had to leave.

Those were the longest two weeks of my life.

[–]littleeggwyfEarly 30s, Married, 10 years total2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

He said it first, after our first proper kiss (3 weeks dating). I was going on holiday for a week with family the next week and wanted to stake my claim properly, so it was a relief he responded strongly!

He was nervous to check my reaction was good, but then grinned and kissed me again

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I don't think I've ever said it first. But if I'm honest it's cause I was super manipulative and sort of forced it with guys. With this relationship we kinda said it together cause we knew through other words what we felt. So while technically he said it first I broached the subject first. It was about a month in.

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's a hard but good thing to be honest with yourself about; I think there are righteous reasons to avoid going first (not wanting to pressure, letting him lead, feeling genuinely scared) and then there are bad reasons (wanting to "win", forcing it, etc).

That sounds like a really positive experience you had this go around (: I feel like I'm similarly hovering around the "we both know we feel it" but nobody is quite there yet. I have no predictions for how this goes but it sounds like yours ended well for you and I also have high hopes d:

[–]Kittenkajira1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I said it first, and had knew for a few weeks. It was around 6-8 weeks of dating, and we had been spending a ton of time together. I've learned since then that he thought I picked the most awkward time to say it the first time (during sex). My husband doesn't think he would have ever said it first - everything he's been told or read says to wait for the girl to say it first. Most RPW say you should wait for the man to say it first.

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Haha! Sex can be such a hard time to avoid saying it for the first time, so many hormones flying everywhere and if the feelz be realz then it can be sooo difficult to resist.

I've been on both sides of who says it first, and maybe in my perfect world the man would say it first. But Camille made this comment in favour of the woman saying it first and raises good points.

As rationally as I am on the side of letting him go first and lead that aspect, R and I are right around that 8-9 week mark (of dating, closer to 10-11 of talking) when I'm finding myself struggling to not say something. So we will see if I cave there or not d:

[–]Kittenkajira1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for linking that comment, it was a great one!

Honestly, when I think of a man being emotional enough to say it first, I think of this.

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I can't open that right this moment, but I'm going to take a stab in the dark that it's Brendan Fraizer in Bedazzled...?

Let me know hahahaha, if not I will totally watch in a bit (:

[–]Kittenkajira1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Haha, you guessed it!

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Omg fabulous. Yes I agree so much. That scene is the absolutely cringiest. Such a BP fantasy d:

[–]frozen_strawberry 2 points2 points [recovered] | Copy Link

L said it first. It was after about 6 weeks of dating and he was with his buddies drinking when I got a phone call at 3 am. I asked him about it the next morning and he said he wasn't going to say it again until I was ready. Which I was but I told him I was gonna wait until I saw him in person.

I've never said it first and in comparison I don't think I ever really meant it before I met him.

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hahaha that's unconventional but kind of sweet it couldn't wait for him to say it (:

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I said it beyond too early. Like Ted Mosby style.

I'm not sure I remember the first time he said it but I know when he got close. He would say "I love .............. hanging out with you" and like I knew what he meant. But he couldn't say it yet. So it kinda became a thing for a little while.

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

"Ted Mosby style" - that's hilarious how telling of an analogy that is.

And that's really sweet on his part, do you guys still ever say it like that??

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Now we have this thing where we say "I really like you". Because it's a given we love each other but sometimes you have to be reminded I like you, crush on you, you make me blush, and my palms sweaty. So we say "I like you" it's flirty and fun for us.

[–]timeforstretchpants30s | married | housewife1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I really, really wanted him to say it first. Uggggh. But I waited months and he never said it. Finally I was so head-over-heels for him that I couldn't hold it in any longer.

To stave off a potentially awkward situation, I said it while he was asleep. I just had to let out the "i love you". It felt good it say out loud.

Except he wasn't asleep. He heard it and he didn't say anything back, which was what I had been dreading. He just cuddled me in closer.

Months after that, it came up in conversation that he felt telling someone he loved her was THE commitment to love forever, and he didn't want to say it until he was on his knee with ring in hand.


Sweet, but OMG the agony.

After that we turned into an LDR and he visited me. On the last morning we were savoring our final groggy snuggle and finally he said "you know I love you, right?"


So I got a glimmer a full year+ after I said it to him. Not the staring into my soul profession of love I've been waiting for, but I already knew he loves me. He's moving continents for me.

[–]MoriKei21 | LTR | 2 Years1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

We had been seeing each other for about two months, but had only officially been a couple for about three weeks (so about 10 weeks in, I believe). He said it first (it actually kinda slipped out!) when he was leaving for the night and I said it back without thinking, it was just so natural. It still gives me butterflies thinking about it! A lot of people said it was too early for us but we had an amazing connection from the moment we met... like the second I met him, I just knew and so did he. :)

[–]kitsunethreetails27, married 7 years, together 101 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I said it first, but in french, and it was maybe just over a month into dating each other. I told him "Je T'aime" and he responded in english with "I Love you too."

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I said it first, about 2 months in, but I was totally wussy about it. We'd been out with friends and had a few wines and I was just so enamoured and and squishy and in love that I couldn't not say something. But I was afraid of putting myself out there in case he didn't feel the same, so I mumbled something like "ugh, I think I'm really falling for you, how corny is that?"

He just pulled me in close and said "I love you, too" and that was that :D

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That's really sweet for him to call you on what you meant and run with it like that. He sounds confident (:

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

haha, yeah, he saw straight through me!

[–]thisisopheliaLate 20s, Married, 1.5 years1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My husband said it first, I think it was after 4 weeks of dating. We were lying in bed and he held me very tightly.

And then he said: I know it's too early and I don't want to scare you away. But I cannot withhold this anymore: I love you.

To be honest, I didn't even think about saying I love you simply because usually you don't tell someone that you love them that early. But I knew that I loved him, I just wanted to adhere to the rules of dating :D

So I replied with I love you too and we kissed and wallowed in bliss.

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I wasn't going to answer since I'm not "there" in my current relationship, but I do still have some thoughts so why not.

I think in my experience 2-3 months is usually when the feelings start coming. The first semi-serious relationship I was in, I said it first around that time. In the second, he said it first. For me at least, the L-word feelings start as small blips and moments, and then begin to come in more extended surges that eventually blend together. I wouldn't feel comfortable saying it until those feelings were consistent and not fleeting.

Now, I feel I would leave it to the man to say it first. Not out of a desire to be "winning", but more to let him set that pace without pressure. That being said, I'm in a new relationship and would say I'm in the "extended surges" stage. Once things become more constant feeling, I could imagine having trouble keeping it to myself.

I'm more excited to hear stories from people who are much farther into their relationships and look back on that stage of it (:

[–]i_have_a_semicolon27 | Engaged | 7 years0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I said it after 2 months which seemed soon but I knew it. I sort of "took it back" because he didn't say it back and I thought he was, whoops. Well he said it a month later. That was almost 4 years ago :)

[–]katsumii27 | LTR0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I probably prompted it first... That's typically me. He for sure was the first to hint that he was developing feelings for me and caring about me; he said along the lines of, "Hormones and endorphins suck." And all I did was agree/concur with him on that point. The sex was awesome and we were getting pretty darn attached. I don't remember how far into the relationship we were when I would have brought it up. It had to have been after a few months. I probably said something like, "I think I love you." I'm the most awkward ever. :P

More often than not, I'm the one who says it first (on a day-to-day basis).

I looove it when he says it first, and I try to hold off so that he'll be the next one to say it first (though sometimes I give in to temptation and I say it).

To help me out in between times, I think it in my mind, like, "I love you, I love you, I love you I love you," almost trying to send I-love-you vibes through the air to him or something. Or when he does something nice for me, I say thanks, and think, "I love you!" Hopefully this isn't unhealthy - lol. It helps me stay calm, always on his side, and not rage at him anymore, anyway.

[–]lo_andbehold_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

My husband told me that I was his before he ever said "I love you" and it was maybe a few weeks after that I made the leap and said it. I knew he loved me, but I didn't want to say it first! I waited until I couldn't contain it anymore haha

[–]zombiegroupie82Mid 30s, married 10 years, together 13,0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

My husband said it first. we had been dating like 8 weeks :p I had had so many bad relationships and thought men loved me, thought I loved them back, but I never really did. Even had to work at it with my husband (boyfriend at the time) but I believed him.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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