Men Don't Fight like Women: How to Avoid Physical Aggression in your Relationship

Camille11325 · 2016-04-11T18:45:29+00:00

This post brings up interesting points for discussion and due to the nature of the subject, the comment section will be heavily moderated. An understanding of male nature and the masculine mind is essential to a successful RP relationship, and physical consequences to actions are part of that.

littleteafox · 2016-04-11T18:44:15+00:00

Only commit yourself to a man you respect, a man with morals and personal integrity that you admire. Someone that makes you feel safe and consistently invests not only in you, but also in the relationship overall.

I personally don't understand malicious or troublesome 'button pushing' from either person. Relationships should be a pursuit of harmony and happiness (at least in my mind).

cxj · 2016-04-11T18:56:10+00:00

Hm, another bullet point maybe - If he's mad about something or someone, never jump in front of his gun and defend the enemy. Nothing is more infuriating and disloyal. You should be #TeamHusband'sBandwagon all the way.

~~~

Credit for this concept goes mostly to /u/_wingnut_ , I agree with it so am throwing it out there

BeautifulSpaceCadet · 2016-04-11T19:30:57+00:00

This is clearly a sensitive topic and I want to be extra careful being sure nobody can say we are 'making excuses', 'condoning violence', or anything that like. We above all others value our screening and the quality of our partner and doing all that is possible to ensure this situation would never arise.

While your bullet points are valid, the only one that makes me thing "that could definitely lead to a physical altercation" is the woman getting physical first.

Not to say the others don't have the potential, but that's a man who may be at the breaking point anyway (if an argument, even when you are wrong, leads to him getting physical). I don't know about anyone else but I can say with confidence my man would never touch me over any of those things (not that they happen).

But getting physical first.....that could trigger anyone, man or woman, docile or aggressive.

It may not excuse a man from being physical, or rationalize it. But if you lay your hands on another person period, wtf do you think is going to happen?

It goes back to the childhood lesson of provoking a sibling into hitting you. My experience of the standard is both kids get punished. Sibling B did not have an excuse to hit Sibling A, no matter what they were doing. Punished. Sibling A, you are so far from having your hands clean in this situation. Punished.

If I physically got in HB's face, I don't know what he would do but it wouldn't be nothing. I'd at least find myself in a full body lock until I calmed the hell down, and then a permanent invitation to gtfo.

Women getting physical with men have no sympathy from me. What, you can do less damage so that gives you the right to be violent without repercussion? Not how the world works.

madscientistlove · 2016-04-11T19:58:39+00:00

I'd also like to add:

If your man is upset and wants to leave the room or house, do not try to prevent that. Don't stand in his way, don't grab him to try to keep him there, don't nag and whine and insist on "hashing things out."

If he is leaving, it's probably because he needs to cool off. He is trying to do the right thing for both of you! I understand that it is sometimes not in women's nature to let things go; we're talking creatures that like to have everything all resolved and settled.... but keeping your man from leaving is basically like cornering a pissed-off wild animal.

Camille11325 · 2016-04-11T19:42:08+00:00

It is important that a woman truly know who she is committing to. If she dislikes her dynamic and it is something that can't be changed or put up with, she should leave the relationship. If she knows that doing X will lead to Y reaction, and she doesn't want Y then she shouldn't do X. If she wants to do X and not have Y happen, she should find another man who is okay with X. I am using variables because I am not just talking about physical responses to behaviour, I think this applies to anything.

To connect it to your post more specifically, I have a few points:

When it comes to your own relationship, if a man hitting you or getting physical in any way crosses your boundaries, then you need to evaluate whether or not you want to stay in the relationship and then act on it.
If you are unwilling to consider the role you play in your relationship's dynamic and alter your behaviour, then you can't expect harmony.
When learning about someone else's relationship, don't cast judgment automatically if they don't handle things like you. Some women truly need a stronger form of discipline to stay in line and/or attracted to the man. Also, a woman retelling a story may be skewing the narrative in her favour.

To everyone reading: keep in mind that neither I or the OP are talking about beating a woman within an inch of her life, sending her to the hospital, or any other type of life threatening reaction. We are also not talking about over the top violence in response to tiny accidents or errors.

Camille11325 · 2016-04-11T19:43:36+00:00

The reality is this: if you get in a man's face, provoke his naturally physically dominating emotions of anger, and brute force, he will respond as such.

Many times he won't respond with physical force. He'll respond by:

--walking away

--shutting down

--refusing to trust you with his thoughts or feelings

--ending the relationship

--seeking another woman/women for sex or companionship

softpastels · 2016-04-11T21:40:47+00:00

"Professor Archer has noted that, among female college students, 29 per cent admitted initiating an assault on a male partner. Of those women, half said they had no fear of retaliation. In other words, far from assuming that men are violent, women (sometimes wrongly) take men’s non-aggression for granted.

There was a time when husband-on-wife violence was socially acceptable. Fortunately, in the last century that came to an end. Unfortunately, that didn’t usher in a new age of domestic harmony. According to Archer, the change in the sexual power balance made men seem dispensable. Equality for women produced greater female aggression with a much diminished perceived risk of retaliation.

Reaction to all this research, however, has been vicious. Murray Straus, the American sociology professor who helped to pioneer public awareness of female violence, says this mountain of evidence has been ignored or actively concealed. Grant funding has been denied to researchers who don’t start from the premise that domestic violence is a gender issue. Academics reporting gender symmetry have had appointments blocked and contracts not renewed, been vilified as fraudsters and excluded from public platforms.

It’s pretty obvious why. There is an unchallengeable world-view that women are victims of male power and dominance. And men themselves, embarrassed by the gender imbalance in public life and male-led terrorism and warfare around the world, meekly go along with it.

The result is not, as it should be, an attempt to tackle all domestic violence. It is injustice. When politicians and prosecutors lament that not enough men are being convicted of rape, everyone is supposed to nod along. Because everyone knows men are always guilty, aren’t they?

That’s why the women and equalities minister, Nicky Morgan, announced this week another £80 million to protect women and girls from violence. It’s why a report last year by the Crown Prosecution Service devoted 90 pages to the proposition that they were the victims of men, updating it after criticism with a mere claim that 16 per cent of domestic abuse victims were male.

It’s all part of the “cross-government narrative” on violence against females introduced in 2011 by the coalition. You can read about this on the Home Office website, which states that in 2012-13 around 1.2 million women suffered domestic abuse. “We are determined to support victims”, it intones, and “to make sure perpetrators are brought to justice.”

But there’s a word missing before “victims” and another one before “perpetrators”. You can fill in the blanks yourself."

I have this saved in my clipboard and don't have a link to the article, but I'm sure it can be found by googling a phrase if someone wants to read the whole thing.

jade_cat · 2016-04-11T19:12:04+00:00

I agree that often domestic violence stems from the woman provoking the man, especially when both are under the influence. The Lifetime Movie special of a man beating a woman because he had a bad day at work is pretty rare, the toxic relationship is unfortunately not.

That being said, I would never settle for a man who could be provoked this way, even though I never intend to provoke him. High value masculine men can channel their aggression into gumption and productivity, not violence.

[deleted] · 2016-04-11T19:23:47+00:00

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VintageVee · 2016-04-17T18:54:17+00:00

Absolutely. I would never again commit to a man who can't control himself during normal arguments. Who can't handle anger safely. Now I've got a good man and have observed how he handles our rows (never even raised his voice to me, yet doesn't take any shit).

I've also observed how he handles idiot drunks who he perceives threaten my safety. I'm happy!! And yet - would never press buttons or rile him up just because he's a man and shouldn't hit me. Responsibility for ones own actions... my man is huge - he's got well over a foot on me and is over twice my weight. I'm not scared of him in the least and he would protect me with his last breath but you'd have to be pretty stupid to test those waters. I have a healthy respect for my Mans strength and he hasn't had to raise a finger against me for me to understand that.

TempestTcup · 2016-04-11T19:07:07+00:00

If you want to act like a man, do not be surprised if you get hit... like a man.

Most men aren't trained in fighting and subduing someone. So it is just logical that when provoked a man would hurt a woman. They wouldn't know how to control the force they use. If you know that a man is bigger, stronger, faster, more aggressive than you, why the fuck would you try to fight them or provoke them?

This brings up a good question.

What do you do if your man is about to get in a fight? Just sit back and watch it unfold? Try to talk him out of it? Jump in the fight yourself (Drunk CQ would have done this)? Not that my SO is going around fighting but I've seen girls get knocked out or just standing around crying. Men can be men sometimes and get aggressive. What is the proper RPW way to support your man during a fight (LOL that was a joke!)?

[deleted] · 2016-04-11T20:51:59+00:00

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Title	Men Don't Fight like Women: How to Avoid Physical Aggression in your Relationship
Author	Sunhappy_DC
Upvotes	17
Comments	66
Date	April 11, 2016 6:30 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4ec1hj/men_dont_fight_like_women_how_to_avoid_physical/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/men-dont-fight-like-women-how-to-avoid-physical.210137 https://theredarchive.com/post/210137