What is the difference between 'reminding' and 'nagging'?

If you allow your hamster to answer that question, you're going to have a bad time. But that also doesn't mean all reminding is nagging, and sometimes reminding is important; we're all only human after all, and your SO doesn't want you to allow him to drop a ball that could have been prevented.

Whether inside your relationship, outside, or likely even your parents..we've all heard an exasperated "Well why didn't you remind me??" -- I know I've said it.

I've found a pretty simple way to troubleshoot what your SO wants to be reminded to do versus what you want him to be doing. And believe me...it's simple.

If he has completely forgotten, and you remind him now, what will his response be?

  • "Oh shoot! Thank you, I completely forgot"; if he is relieved, then you're reminding.

  • "Oh shoot, yeah I'll get to that"; if he is worn down, then you're nagging.

If he completely forgets, and you don't remind him at all -- will the consequences negatively impact him?

  • There is a deadline on something that either him or your family really placed a priority on; if you miss it and he will be disappointed or have more on his plate to catch up, then you're reminding.

  • He doesn't notice; if he can go the rest of the year (or his life) without ever realizing he forgot this thing, then you're nagging.

If you're not sure

  • I go with a simple one time reminder that sounds like "hey babe, what's the plan with x? Is that something that needs to be taken care of?" If he seems receptive to needing or wanting to do it, I'll just ask directly "ok, do you want me to remind you about this again just in case?" If he agrees, then I ask "alright maybe in a day or 2?" Or whatever makes sense for the situation. That way I know precisely what he wants.

Please note the answer to reminding and him wanting to be reminded is never "well it's important to me so he wants it too!" Shut ya hamster up, girl.

Hope that is marginally helpful when deciding what's helpful vs harassing (: