Disclaimer: Firstly this is not meant in anyway to debate core principles of the RP movement, however I will be slightly critical of some of the concepts that I've seen becoming more prevalent, specifically those which conflict with the female RP values.
By now we should all know that the men's RP is not conducive to a happy, healthy marriage... nor is that their goal. They're very open and honest about what the goal of their values is, and you may have noticed that it is not what the aim is here for RP women.
Lately however I've seen a lot of "RP" podcasts and YT videos where the men are starting to discuss what they want in marriage, which is a bit odd considering RP is not supposed to be a path to marriage for men (insert all the reasons why here, such as the completely sexist legal system). And it's with these videos that I have some heavy criticisms, as one of the ideals that many of them are pushing is that it is OK for the man to cheat on his wife so long as he is "high value".
Why is this a problem?
- Firstly this is setting up men to get screwed over legally, worse than they already would have been if it was just a normal "no fault divorce". This is like telling someone "well it's fine to rob liquor stores as long as you're careful about it and the liquor store says they'll look the other way".
- Secondly, this shows a complete lack of understanding of men, women, and the purpose of marriage. The purpose of marriage is to have offspring, this may not happen for every married couple, but the foundation of having the promise and having the contract is to create the most ideal situation for raising children. Within the marriage there are two main roles, the first being the provider and the second being the caretaker. We as women generally prefer and fulfill the latter role, because in doing so we have locked down the resources required for the children. So what happens if your spouse cheats? The men will rightfully point out that a cheating wife puts the paternity of the children into question, yet they fail to acknowledge that the husband cheating puts the resources for those children in jeopardy. If he was to accidentally knock up his side chick or if his side chick was to threaten his marriage in order to extort him for resources... then that means less is available for the children.
- Thirdly, he is no longer committing to the family unit as he is fundamentally supposed to be doing. Time spent distracted by women other than the mother means less time for him to engage in his role as the father. While he may not be the primary caregiver, his presence is still of utmost importance to the children's wellbeing.
So if we know that men's RP and women's RP aren't necessarily compatible why does it matter that I am addressing this? Because this is a problem that will start infecting marriages, which brings it into our space and because RP men will not necessarily announce their beliefs to you (understandably because of how misunderstood it is by the general population). For those of you who are dating for marriage, I highly encourage you to brush up on the men's literature as well. Men who just take the advice to learn how to lead and how to better themselves are fine, but you need to be wary that there is a narrative out there telling men that they can cheat and that it's acceptable in marriage and you do not want to wind up on the receiving end of this. A man who is not ready to commit to monogamy is not a man who is ready for marriage, and it's not your job to try to change his mind, just find someone else who understands that marriage means sacrificing multiple sexual partners in order to create the best situation for children. And as always VET, VET, VET!