~ archived since 2018 ~

RPW Pregnancy and Motherhood Survey Results

August 29, 2016
16 upvotes

We had 123 responses to the survey! Thank you to all who completed it, and to all who have offered to write - you'll be contacted soon!

Here is an album with most of the results.

Some of the responses to questions without graphs:

  • Age of children: These were all over the map! We have quite a few women with infants and toddlers, some with school-aged children, and some with teenagers and preteens.

  • Do you experience moodiness noticeable by those around you when pregnant? The majority of respondents either did not have moodiness, or did but it was manageable and did not affect their relationship overmuch. Being tired, uncomfortable, or hungry seem to be the common reasons for moodiness. Some did have moodiness that affected their relationship, and some mentioned depression.

  • Exercise during pregnancy. This one had a variety of answers. The majority of women exercised during some part of their pregnancy. Some only in early pregnancy, and some only in the later months. Many did not exercise at all due to body pains or nausea, or because they didn’t regularly exercise prior to pregnancy. Many who exercised mentioned walking or prenatal exercise classes.

  • Did you have to adjust your spending after having children? Most said yes, they did have to adjust spending. Some who said no explained they were already good at managing money and/or frugal living prior to having children, so it wasn’t as much of an adjustment.

  • Do you control television usage to insure age-appropriate viewing occurs? Most said they did to some extent. Many mentioned using Netflix, Amazon, and Hulu rather than cable as easier ways to ensure children are viewing appropriate shows and movies. Screening programs prior to watching with children or viewing things as a family can help. A couple of respondents avoid Disney programs – I’m curious to learn more about this! Some stated their husbands are more lax with TV viewing.

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Post Information
Title RPW Pregnancy and Motherhood Survey Results
Author Kittenkajira
Upvotes 16
Comments 18
Date August 29, 2016 1:02 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWives
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/rpw-pregnancy-and-motherhood-survey-results.209640
https://theredarchive.com/post/209640
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/502gb7/rpw_pregnancy_and_motherhood_survey_results/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Number 16 makes me really sad. My opinion is part of the majority, but the reality for me is that I will likely get a couple weeks off, then start working from home to bring in money until FMLA runs out. No matter how we run the numbers, it's just not feasible for me to stay home. I hate that we live in a society where it has become so necessary for most homes to be dual income.

I'm rather surprised by number 21, can any of the non-spankers weigh-in for me and explain why you are against spanking?

[–]philomexa32, married 11 years, 1.5 year old toddler 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm rather surprised by number 21, can any of the non-spankers weigh-in for me and explain why you are against spanking?

well what is spanking? A quick swat on the butt to get his attention before he kills himself? ok by me. Bent over the knee spanking as punishment? I feel like that is beyond the pale, and not at all necessary.

There is just too much research that shows physical punishment is largely ineffective, and has long term negative effects. I was raised in a non-spanking household so deterrence was reasoning on an age appropriate level and punishment was loss of something; toys and privileges when younger, respect and esteem when older.

My husband and I feel like spanking is well..lazy parenting. There is no use for it today when we have a wealth of tools for deterrence and punishment. Plus we don't want to run the risk of causing irreparable harm to our child simply because we couldn't be bothered to model authoritative behaviors.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

My fiance and I both got the wooden spoon as kids. I hesitate to use my own upbringing as an example for anything, but my fiance turned out great, has wonderful parents, and I would love for our children to turn out as great as he is.

"Actions have consequences" or "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" is a philosophy that I think goes really well for parenting, but I do think that a swat is a good way to get the point across when nothing else is working.

[–]Kittenkajira[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

On number 16, quite a few of the "other" responses said never!

When you are running the numbers, how much money are you thinking it takes to raise a child? It doesn't need to be nearly as expensive as people think. Hell, you don't even need a crib, changing table, or stroller, among other things. You can get second hand cloth diapers (and in my area there is a charity that will loan them to you for one year), and family will be willing to pitch in with buying things. I'm assuming you have someone who will watch the children for free? Because daycare is extremely expensive.

I'm pretty torn over the spanking myself, so I'll probably defer to my husband on that one. I've heard some child-rearing techniques where you don't praise or punish children - you expect them to follow the parents and do what they're supposed to, and pretty much let natural consequences happen. Such as: not helping with dinner means they don't eat dinner, not doing their laundry means they have no clean clothes, they don't do their homework then they get in trouble with the teacher, they go outside without a coat then they get cold.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

We do have someone who will watch kids for us for very low cost, so it will be much better for us financially for me to work. And honestly, the person who would watch them is on the same page as us as far as how kids should be raised and her own children are absolutely awesome. So, I'm not worried about whose hands they'll be in, but still ...I'd rather raise my own children. If we had to pay for normal daycare, we'd be breaking even and that just wouldn't even be worth it.

I think spanking is reserved for severe offenses, like hitting or biting or major disobedience/misbehavior. Other things, their own actions will dictate their punishment, as an example, going hungry if they refuse to eat what's being served for dinner, or sitting at the table until they do (I had a lot of cold squash as a child for that reason!).

[–]Gravida 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think spanking is often done as a retaliation or in situations where the parents have lost control and it shows the kid that when you lose control of a situation, this is what happens--you are supposed to fly off the handle.

That said, when you use it as a last resort, it is much more effective as the kid is totally caught off guard and the moment is a real learning one. I spanked my youngest once, because he was not listening to me and ran out in front of a car in a parking lot. One giant whap on his butt followed by "You have to be more careful or you will get seriously hurt or killed" after he stopped crying and in the years following, he has yet to walk in a parking lot without immediately reaching for my hand. Same goes for yelling. I rarely raise my voice, so when I do, the kids know I mean business.

Also, I find it more effective to treat your kids like grown-ups in a sense. What do you do when someone talks at you rudely or doesn't listen? You talk to them in a logical way so they understand where you're coming from. My parenting style is a little different for each of our kids. You really have to adapt for each kid and each situation. We have three amazingly polite and well-behaved kids. If they yell at me or are rude, I talk to them quietly so they have to calm themselves in order to hear what I'm saying. If they're younger and can't control their temper yet, I make them learn how to do it themselves by telling them I won't interact with them until they are calm.

... Wish us luck for the teenage years, though. haha

[–]PixieDelightsMid 30s | Married 8 years | total 12 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My daughter is 4.5 and we have never spanked. My husband was against spanking from the beginning (although that was not something we really discussed) and I had always kinda assumed we would spank. I mean I was spanked and turned out fine!

Then I had a baby and she was little and, well, you don't hit little babies. And then she was walking and getting into things and well, she didn't know any better, so hitting her didn't seem right? And she got older and she did things that got her in trouble but none of them ever seemed that big enough deal to actually hit her over.

Of course over this time I read the studies about spanking and other material about not spanking and it they don't show anything really positive coming from it. I read alternative methods and they clicked.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

You don't have to answer if you don't want anyone to know what your answer are!!

To the 4 of you who don't know you're pregnant of not... take a test!!!

For those of you who didn't use the drugs... what was the pain level 1-would do again ::to:: 10-holy fuck that was the worst thing I've ever experienced in my life?? MY KATATA WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!!!!!!!

for the two of you who thought breasfeeding for more than 3 years was ok... srsly???!?!?

[–]Kittenkajira[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

To the 4 of you who don't know you're pregnant of not... take a test!!!

Not always that easy! I was pretty sure I was pregnant before my period was due. Tried taking an early result test but it was negative. Ended up getting a positive one later in the week. Some women don't get the positive test until clear after their period would be over!

For those of you who didn't use the drugs... what was the pain level 1-would do again ::to:: 10-holy fuck that was the worst thing I've ever experienced in my life?? MY KATATA WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!!!!!!!

I've done all kinds of research on natural birth, and seen many videos. Basically it hurts, there is pain, but that pain is absolutely necessary to get the bonding hormones and protective feelings towards your child. You feel like you can climb any mountain afterwards, and have great euphoria that sometimes lasts a couple of weeks. Being able to move and stay upright (using gravity to help) while in labor helps you work through the pain. One thing I've learned about natural birth is that all the pains are just the muscles contracting (or the baby kicking your ribs, lol) - it is not actually physically hurting you in any way. Think of it like a charlie horse - it hurts, but moving through it and stretching out makes it better. Knowing that the pain is normal, natural, and not actually hurting me at all makes me feel better about going through labor. You also get breaks from the pain, in between contractions - if you are hooked up on pitocin at the hospital you are not going to get those breaks and be in severe pain.

for the two of you who thought breasfeeding for more than 3 years was ok... srsly???!?!?

I've done some research on this one as well. Most mammals breastfeed their offspring until around the time the first permanent molar comes in (not exclusively, they eat other things as well). For humans that's around 6 years old (we are the slowest growing mammals)! Most mammals only stop breastfeeding earlier if pregnant. But in western culture, today, the most common reason cited for human weaning is in preparation to return to a job outside the home.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Not always that easy! I was pretty sure I was pregnant before my period was due. Tried taking an early result test but it was negative. Ended up getting a positive one later in the week. Some women don't get the positive test until clear after their period would be over!

Very good point!

Basically it hurts, there is pain, but that pain is absolutely necessary to get the bonding hormones and protective feelings towards your child. You feel like you can climb any mountain afterwards, and have great euphoria that sometimes lasts a couple of weeks

Very interesting. i did not know this. It makes a lot of sense. I never thought about it in that light. I mean I know how I get a sense of Euphoria after I get a tattoo because I sit through 3 hours of pain and never thought about it like that for child birth. I was in labor for 18 hours and by hour 14 I was like GIVE ME ALL THE DRUGS FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I can see how it facilitates the bonding between mother and child.

Wow. I'm just learning a lot today! Thank you for replying to my questions. I didn't know about any reason to continue to breastfeed past 6 months. Does the need to breastfeed extend to the breastfeeding act or just giving the child breast milk?

[–]Kittenkajira[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I was in labor for 18 hours and by hour 14 I was like GIVE ME ALL THE DRUGS FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's usually how it happens in hospitals. The more pain you are in, the closer you are to delivering. If you know this ahead of time, you might actually get excited when the pain gets bad, knowing that the baby is almost there (if you're not past thinking at that point). Even with natural births at home, there's usually a point where the mother thinks she can't take it anymore, and she has to work through it in order for the infant to descend. I'll be surrounding myself with people who believe in me so they can remind me that I've got this once I hit that point.

Does the need to breastfeed extend to the breastfeeding act or just giving the child breast milk?

It's a couple of things. One, you don't have to rush children onto solids, you can just let them pick off your plates and discover foods as they want. Two, oxytocin releases when you breastfeed so it makes the mother feel good, and continues the bonding process. Some mothers using breastfeeding to manage toddlerhood, and I've heard it can keep emotions more settled. So whenever the child is upset about something, he can come to you to breastfeed and cuddle rather than throwing tantrums. But all this depends on the mother and her feelings about breastfeeding. If she's having a difficult time eating enough, or is in pain, or is entirely over the breastfeeding process and starting to resent it - she needs to stop breastfeeding. The child can pick up on those feelings, especially when they are older, and it can cause all kinds of negative reactions.

[–]philomexa32, married 11 years, 1.5 year old toddler 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Some mothers using breastfeeding to manage toddlerhood, and I've heard it can keep emotions more settled. So whenever the child is upset about something, he can come to you to breastfeed and cuddle rather than throwing tantrums.

THIS. ALL OF THIS. My lil guy is 14.5 months old, we're still going strong with the breastfeeding and I feel like its the great mood stabilizer. He has his tantrums, but they are quickly pacified by popping a boob in his mouth. Additionally we no longer have bed time battles, as he's quite content to breastfeed to sleep.

I dread the day he self weans, because breastfeeding is the ultimate mom-hack. Doesn't want to eat dinner? breastfeed. About to have a melt down? breastfeed. Sleepy but doesn't want to stop playing? breastfeed.

[–]StingrayVC 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I did natural child birth three times but my labors were relatively easy. Yes, it hurt and it hurt quite a lot, but I knew without question I would not be using pain medication unless medically necessary. I had my mind made up. No waffling which made it easier. Frankly I was terrified of of having an epidural. You don't remember the completeness of the pain when you go in for labor again so that also helped.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]MyRPWAccountmid-20s, married < 5 years, together < 6. 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm one of the no pain meds ladies. Would try it again. Pain is temporary and in terms of labour it's pain that I knew was normal. I knew I was safe. I was handling the pain okay but I didn't want to test out a needle in my back and risk a spinal headache or worse complication.

Same. My family has a history of serious complications, so I didn't want anything at all unless I was going to have a c-section.

[–]SouthernPetite31, Married, Together 9 years 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I didn't experience much pain with my birth. It was really just more uncomfortable than anything because my water wouldn't break until I did it myself, so until then it felt like thee baby was going to come out my butt. There's a lot of evidence that the more fearful/tense/stressed you are, the more painful the birth is, and I did hypnobirthing and used a birthing tub for most of it, so that might have been why it was fairly easy for me.

It's also worth noting that I didn't get the oxytocin rush during birth (or if I did, it was too little to notice) or while nursing. I have no idea what the deal with that is.

[–]Gravida 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Didn't use drugs: The pain level was more "intense" than it was "omg, I'm dying." It's manageable immediately after the fact.

As soon as baby was born, I was like "I could do that again!" And you're left with an amazing birth high. I was medicated with a narcotic for my first delivery and I think it leant itself to me losing control of myself in the moment, so I don't recommend drugs.

[–]kitsunethreetails27, married 7 years, together 10 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Haha, I was one of those that put "don't know" because there wasn't an option for "certainly trying to conceive".

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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