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Sex, RPW, Your Man, and You

August 28, 2016
28 upvotes

First off, this post is about sex. So NSFW. Second off, it will not be in any way graphic or crass. So creepers, creep away.


We speak often about the importance of sex and being available to your man around here. It's not exactly unintuitive why this is so, yet at the same time I think it would be helpful to plainly lay out just a few of the reasons it should be among your top priorities.

Men are the gatekeepers of commitment; Woman are the gatekeepers of sex

You'll hear that a lot. But here's the thing, access to sex can be rescinded. Commitment cannot, or at least not nearly so easily - particularly if you are married.

Marriage is a commitment to monogamy, not celibacy.

When you enter a marital union (or even a committed LTR for the time it lasts), you are committing to lowering your gates for the other person. But what is a man to do when he is contractually locked into his commitment to you, and you're backing him into a position of celibacy? You are not upholding your end of the bargain, and I would wager you would not be comfortable with allowing him to outsource what you are denying him.

But here is what I don't like about everything above - at this point, we are approaching it from the bottom up, essentially looking at the worst of it and the minimum you should be maintaining. It makes it sound like a chore, and it shouldn't be a chore. Looking from the top down, there are much more important and fulfilling reasons you should provide regular access to sex.

When you have sex with your partner, you want to give him a reason to be the only person he wants for the rest of his life.

Seriously, fuck him like he's the last man on earth - because to you, he is.

Why would you even want your husband/SO to think about the strange he is missing out on? Why would you want his commitment to you to become a chore? That isn't to say this is entirely unavoidable, but you can at least minimize your risks by making every effort to fulfill your man. If you think because you're committed that obliges him to look away from other women, to not want them - I kindly suggest you check out /r/thebluepill. No, you have to earn his attention every day - and that isn't even a chore, it should be fun!

You don't want your man thinking about how he has to do this, how he's obligated to do that. No, you want him wondering every day of his life how it is he gets to come home to you. You want it to not make sense for him to wonder about what he's missing out on, because with you he is missing out on nothing.

That HB9 walking down the street? Why would he be curious about her? Does she perform oral on him for no reason other than to please him like you do? Probably not - pass. The woman at the gym hitting on him, is he going to pause for 5 seconds about what she could offer him? No, because he wouldn't dare jeopardize the love of the minx he knows is waiting back at home for him.

If you're not in the mood, get in the mood.

What about when you're not in the mood to cook? To clean? To go to work? To exercise?

Sure, we all take a raincheck on our responsibilities from time to time - but by and large we show up for the game when the team needs us to play.

Being "in the mood" is fickle, and 8/10 times just going along with it despite your internal protests will have you "in the mood" in 3 minutes anyway. Show up and do your best every time because he deserves a woman that makes all others unworthy of his time and attention.

Again, he committed to you, he did not commit to not having sex.

Sex is the ONLY thing that tangibly separates your relationship with him from your relationships with everyone else in the world.

That is it.

Yes, of course there are other nuances in your emotions and your interactions that are unlike other relationships. But sex is the closest thing you will ever get to experiencing your relationship incarnate, and the dividing boundary between the force you two have versus the entire rest of the human population.

Why blur that boundary? Why tempt him with imagining that boundary with other people? Why not celebrate it? Why not feel proud that you know beyond all doubt you're the only object of his desires because he can't just order what you give him from the red light district or Scantily Clad Gym Girl? Why let yourself grow lazy in feeding this amazing and intimate bonding experience?

Tl;Dr: Sex hard and sex often.

So yes, be his Goddess of Fun and Light. Be his lady on the streets and his freak in the sheets. Be his dirty secret when you're at upstanding social gatherings and he knows people would faint if they know the depraved things you did right before you showed up.

You are not entitled to your man's attention and attraction and fantasies. You have to earn them, and doing that is not that difficult, and it is super fun.

So yes, prioritize sex. Give it freely and enthusiastically and revel in what it gives back to your relationship.


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Post Information
Title Sex, RPW, Your Man, and You
Author BellaScarletta
Upvotes 28
Comments 55
Date August 28, 2016 11:59 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWives
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/sex-rpw-your-man-and-you.1072748
https://theredarchive.com/post/1072748
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/5026h2/sex_rpw_your_man_and_you/
Comments

[–]lrne 14 points15 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for the great post, Bella. I've been guilty of doing this in the past, so this is a great reminder for me.

I recently read For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. In this book, she polls men on a variety of things, including sex. In the chapter for sex, she writes about how sex for men isn't just a physical urge/need. It's an emotional need analogous to the female need for communication. She asks female readers at one point how they'd feel if their men just stopped talking to them, and says that such a silence would be akin to lack of sex.

Additionally, she mentions that many men deep down sometimes have thoughts of inadequacy or isolation, and that sex reassures men that they're desirable and sates loneliness. She also says that it leaves men feeling confident. In one of her surveys, 97% of men had answered that feeling wanted was an important part of sex, and that getting sex by itself wasn't enough without that aspect of being desired.

Men who were interviewed said that a flat out "no" is hurtful to their emotions, even if they don't show it. One survey question asked men: if your wife offers all the sex that you want buy does so reluctantly or simply to accommodate your sexual needs, would you be satisfied? 74% said No. 26% said Yes. A man who was interviewed explained that although his wife knows how important his need for sex is, he wished she knew that it was important to him that she wants and needs sex with him.

The author emphasized that men represented that having fulfilling sex makes him feel loved and desired. One man interviewed said that it was the loudest and clearest way his wife could express to him: "You are more important to me than anyone else in the world." Men also expressed that there's a sense of loneliness that was only satisfied by having fulfilling sex. On this subject, one man said, "I feel like I go out into the ring every day and fight the fight. It's very lonely. That's why, when the bell rings, I want my wife to be there for me."

On confidence:

She spoke about an old Viagra commercial on TV, where a man's colleagues and friends would repeatedly stop him and ask him what's different about him. New haircut? Promotion? Been working out? The man smiles and tells them all no. One man interviewed brought up those ads and said that every man immediately understands what the commercial is saying: that it's about guys feeling good about themselves. He claimed that the ad portrays a truth all men intuitively recognize - that they feel more confident and alive when their sex life is working. On the survey, 3 out of 4 men agreed that they'd get a greater sense of well being and more satisfaction with life if their wife was an interested and motivated sexual partner, and if the two shared an active love life.

The author goes on to explain that men don't just feel physically better, and that men said sex relieves day to day pressures, and quote "seems to make everything else better." This in particular caught my eye as my SO has a very stressful job, and I've been looking for ways to help him relax.

"If she doesn't want to, I feel incredible rejection."

The author explains that if women agree to sex, but don't make the effort to be engaged and enthused, the man can interpret it as: "You're incapable of turning me on even if you try, and I really don't care about what matters deeply to you." If the women doesn't even want to try at all, the man may interpret that as: "You're so undesirable that you can't even compete with my pillow..and I really don't care about what matters deeply to you."

I can sort of understand this. Some women want to be romanced by their man, or want their man to make some effort. If the man just said "no" or did it begrudgingly, how would she feel?

Even though the woman might just be saying that she doesn't want sex at that particular moment, the survey results show that men interpret this as the woman not wanting him. That "no" is not no to the sex, as she might feel. It is no to the man as he is. Men also reported feeling vulnerable initiating or asking, because if they get a no, it hurts as a rejection.

She goes on to say that sometimes, repeated rejection can send a man into loneliness and depression. She talks about a deprived husband who felt insignificant, lonely, isolated, and abandoned. "Not having the interaction I anticipated prior to marriage is like a treasure lost and irretrievable. It causes deep resentment and hurt within me. This in turn fosters anger and feelings of alienation."

Here at RPWi, I don't think we'd let it get to that, but I include this in hopes that it may help us understand the significance of sex better.

The author does give some suggestions on how to bridge sex gaps. I'll try to summarize them here:

Realizing that your man is actually actually saying, "This is essential to my feeling of being loved and desired by you, and is critical to counteract my stress, my fears, and my loneliness."

Act as if you're responding to a tender, human heart behind all that testosterone. Respond to his advances with full emotional involvement. If responding physically is out of the question, let your words be reassuring, reaffirming, and adoring. Do everything in your power (words, and actions) to prevent your SO from feeling rejected. Leave him no doubt that you love to love him.

Remember that if you respond physically but do so just do keep his meets without actually being engaged, you're not actually meeting his needs. You may also be further hurting the relationship by sending messages of rejection.

Men also mentioned how they'd love for their wives to play an active role. And that a passive wife = boring life. That no, being a "wildcat" is not beyond you. Women can make the first move once in a while, with all her attention and enthusiasm, and that men will respond very positively.

If you need medical help: get it.

Make sex a priority. Often, women don't make it their priority. She describes the revelation one woman had, who thought: if the children aren't totally primped, he wouldn't complain. If the kitchen wasn't mopped for one more day, it's no big deal. But she wasn't making herself available to her husband despite militantly adhering to her plan of house chores for the day. She was so focused on noncritical errands that she cut her husband's needs out of the picture. Don't discount it. Just as a man not speaking to his SO may make her feel uncared for, a woman not meeting his sexual (and as we've seen, emotional) needs will make him feel uncared for.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Wow, great write up. Something about all the stats really does it for me.

[–]lrne 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, it's one thing for the author to draw upon anecdotes and mention one man saying this or that. It's another when she polls hundreds of men and great majority of them agree. I found the book to be quite eye-opening for me in two ways: "Wow, men really don't think like I do" and "Huh, I must have been solipsistic to think they would."

[–]vanBeethovenLudwig 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is beautifully written. In my past LTRs I do remember the men being extremely vulnerable during sex - asking me about their size, flexing muscles, needing to feel dominant physically and mentally...those ridiculous Cosmo articles that tell you to tie your man up and use ice cubes to "tease their member" absolutely do not understand the meaning of sex for men. It's an act of acceptance, not a circus show.

That being said, if you have the right RP man, you don't need to make decisions during sex. They lead the whole act and all you have to do is open yourself, follow and enjoy what he's giving you. This can be sensed on the first few dates - if they're constantly asking you what you want to do and then obey your wishes, he's not RP. You want the man to show you a good time - in and out of the bed.

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ok Leraine, this comment is crazy amazing haha. Well done!

I really wanted to go through and quote it point by point because there is just so much great stuff happening here. But alas, I'm on mobile and don't think I have the stamina for that d:

I would honestly encourage you to make a whole post out of this - you break down so well what sex means to men that we can't truly understand as women, but that denying them it is so hurtful and degrading - particularly from the woman that is supposed to be in their corner always.

I haven't read that book but I very much want to now! You added so much to this post and I really appreciate the time this must have taken you to write (:

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I added a few related threads posted by other users on the subject, you may particularly like the one on denying your SO sex (:

[–]lrne 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'll look into this. Thanks Bella!

[–]TotesMessenger 5 points6 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads. (Info / Contact)

[–][deleted]  (14 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

"Everything is rape" - the other pill.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

OMG WTF DID I JUST READ!! I need some eye bleach!!!

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Here you go! But don't forget these people exist and they vote!

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

If we look at the act in more detail (skip this parag if you can’t take it), PIV is a man mounting on a woman to thrust a large member of himself into her most intimate parts, often forcing her to be entirely naked, banging himself against her with the whole weight of his body and hips, shaking her like he would stuff a corpse, then using her insides as a receptacle for his penile dejection. How is this a normal civilised, respectful way to treat anyone?

I don't think she's doing it right.....?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm convinced she herself has never had sex in her life. That visual is just disturbing.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I can't read it without laughing.

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

They've added more. I like the part where I tolerate starfish misery sex - I'm going to have to tell R...he'll be so disappointed ):

[–]Farawayfromhim 6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I literally stumbled across this post and I am kind of in awe.

My relationship with my husband was very much like this. I really thought it was a rare thing, to live in this way, I believed those old adages about sexless marriages and I thought that was normal. I refused to live that way, my husband was the only man I was with until he passed away, and I can tell you, he had ample opportunities with other women, that he, not only turned down, but never even considered anyone else.

I am honestly just amazed at how well this post portrays my attitude!

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Are you a regular visitor of RPW or did you stumble upon it elsewhere?

Either way, it sounds like you had a wonderful marriage to your husband and made him very happy. I'm sorry you didn't get to enjoy it for longer, but I'm glad you both got the most out of your union (:

[–]Farawayfromhim 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I was just hitting the random button on Reddit in boredom and this sub came up! Not really even sure what it means, this post just really spoke to me!

Thank you for your kind words and amazing post!

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh wow, very cool!

I hope you keep reading and stick around, we are a pretty tight knit community and always love meeting new people who empathize with our relationship goals of being the best partner possible (:

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Great post BellaScarletta! It really hits to the core of a healthy relationship. That every time you deny your spouse sexual access you hurt the relationship and the essence that binds you together.

Maybe saying 'no' once in a blue moon won't send the whole relationship spiraling down, but repeated rejection will wear down your spouse's spirit just as much as nagging and bitchiness will.

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Maergery had a great post on the subject of saying "no" - you should read if you haven't seen yet (:

Edit: Just added that and a few more related threads to the OP!

[–]katsumii27 | LTR 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Hi Bella,
This is a wonderful, well-needed post. Its message can't be emphasized enough, and I think many married women need this advice. :)

When you have sex with your partner, you want to give him a reason to be the only person he wants for the rest of his life.
Seriously, fuck him like he's the last man on earth - because to you, he is.

...This is probably my pitfall: I'm not giving him the best he's ever had. Not every time. ._.;

So yes, be his Goddess of Fun and Light. Be his lady on the streets and his freak in the sheets. Be his dirty secret when you're at upstanding social gatherings and he knows people would faint if they know the depraved things you did right before you showed up.

I'm not sure that this is the place for my following question, and if it isn't, then we'll leave it at that. Q: What would be your advice to a woman in a committed relationship with a man who rolls his eyes at doing such "depraved things" done just before showing up; who shies from such advances, and turns down these attempts? Are there men in which it just isn't their style, and that's fine? Or is this on me, and I'm just doing it wrong (e.g. See above pitfall)?

Anyway, thanks for the great post, and duly noted.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm not sure that this is the place for my following question, and if it isn't, then we'll leave it at that. Q: What would be your advice to a woman in a committed relationship with a man who rolls his eyes at doing such "depraved things" done just before showing up; who shies from such advances, and turns down these attempts? Are there men in which it just isn't their style, and that's fine? Or is this on me, and I'm just doing it wrong (e.g. See above pitfall)?

One thing we say around here is "find a good man, defer to him. Advice on the internet be damned."

If you are happy with your man overall, even if he is vanilla in the sack (if you can live with that), than don't worry a damn about kinky things. That's just how some men are, and no there is nothing wrong with that.

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree 100% but would only add: do be sure it's because he is vanilla in the sack. If he is, and you can commit to a lifetime of that..then you're doing it right! But if he's sexually embarrassed, either because of a past experience or religious upbringing or something of that sort, then maybe slowly building up his comfort and moving away from that shame could be in order. You will definitely know your man better than we will but that would be my caveat.

[–]katsumii27 | LTR 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Awesome! Yes, yes and yes. This helps. Thanks. ^_^

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I responded to the other comment but I think between both that should at least cover the general question you had. Any more specifics and perhaps you want to make an advice post (:

Also I edited the OP to add some more threads on the subject you may want to check out!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh man. This is some grade a stuff Bella. I think in my sexual availability post I also added that sex isn't just piv but a lot of different acts. I mean just cause one ride is down doesn't mean they close down the park. Ladies tend to forget that.

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks! There are actually a lot of other great posts including yours and another from Maergery that I should have linked to - I think I'll go back and do that.

Edit: Just edited OP to add your thread and a few more!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I agree that sex is hugely important in a relationship...not only for men, but for women as well!

If a woman is consistently wanting to turn down sex with her partner, then there might be an underlying issue that she needs to address. Is she harboring resentment towards her partner? Is she depressed? Is she getting enough sleep and enough exercise? Is she losing attraction to her partner? Are their libido really, really mismatched?

Sex should be a joyful way for you and your partner to connect -- if that connection is blocked, find a way to unblock it!

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed whole-heartedly, and edited the OP to add some other related threads you may want to check out (:

[–]SuperSlavisWife 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

you want him wondering every day of his life how it is he gets to come home to you. You want it to not make sense for him to wonder about what he's missing out on, because with you he is missing out on nothing.

That HB9 walking down the street? Why would he be curious about her? Does she perform oral on him for no reason other than to please him like you do? Probably not - pass. The woman at the gym hitting on him, is he going to pause for 5 seconds about what she could offer him? No, because he wouldn't dare jeopardize the love of the minx he knows is waiting back at home for him.

This. A man may still take a second glance at a hot girl he sees or look at porn or feel flattered when a girl flirts with him a bit. But his urge to act on it is lessened or even eliminated when he knows he can get as good or better at home. Whenever I get a bit wound up by a girl flirting with Jon or whenever he notices someone hot, his first reassurance is: "She might break, doing what we do in bed." He also follows it up with the fact she probably can't make oatcakes/decent tea/giblet gravy for him, but he is quite food-focused. And knowing he's getting what he wants calms me a lot. Of course I still feel possessive when we bump into an old coworker of his and she's constantly looking him up and down and making extended eye contact whenever he tries to leave, but that is beyond our control. What is within our control is whether or not he acts on these opportunities, and it's as much my job as it is his to ensure the desire is dampened.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks Jade! It means a lot that you enjoyed (:

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I get the point of this post, and I agree with it in general....but let's be real here ladies.

That HB9 walking down the street? Why would he be curious about her? Does she perform oral on him for no reason other than to please him like you do? Probably not - pass. The woman at the gym hitting on him, is he going to pause for 5 seconds about what she could offer him? No, because he wouldn't dare jeopardize the love of the minx he knows is waiting back at home for him.

Why would he be curious?? He's a MAN. Of course he's curious. He's always curious. He's curious even if he doesn't tell you. All men, poor or rich, fat or built, lazy or active, want to cheat while in relationships. They want all the women. It's in their DNA. That doesn't just go away because he said he loves you, or "I do" or you have a family together.

A woman can be the best rpw in the universe, an HB9, and fuck like porn stars and still very much get cheated on by their man. A man can be the most committed man in the world, and love his woman to death, and risk his life for her. ..and still want to fuck on the side.

Nothing a woman does short of killing him will stop a man from cheating if he decides to cheat. Period. Women should know this. And accept this. Hard truth.

I agree that women should do their part to lower the likelihood that he'll leave into the arms of another woman-- and not want to come back. If you're with a man who's highly desired, be honest with yourself and your expectations.

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Why would he be curious?? He's a MAN. Of course he's curious. He's always curious. He's curious even if he doesn't tell you. All men, poor or rich, fat or built, lazy or active, want to cheat while in relationships. They want all the women. It's in their DNA. That doesn't just go away because he said he loves you, or "I do" or you have a family together.

I don't disagree with you at all at all. Phrasing is unideal and it definitely spurred a good discussion in the IRC, but I'll leave the text as is and defer to your comment for the elaboration.

I definitely didn't mean to suggest he would never look or really even that his mind can't/shouldn't wander - but more that the perfect to strive for is you being as fulfilling of a sexual partner as humanly possible, and more realistically that despite his wonderings he would never be truly tempted to jeopardize what you provide him.

Thank you for writing this much needed disclaimer and your last paragraph nails the sentiment of what I intended much better than the way I originally phrased it.

Edit: Linked this comment to OP - thanks for adding it!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for writing this much needed disclaimer and your last paragraph nails the sentiment of what I intended much better than the way I originally phrased it.

Of course. I think it's a good topic to discuss.

...to strive for is you being as fulfilling of a sexual partner as humanly possible,

This is true to a degree. I don't think it matters about being the best sex ever for your man -- I'd never actively compare myself to his other sex partners (why remind him of them?). But I think keeping your man sexually satisfied is critical. It's easier to sustain a feeling of "that was fun. i enjoy sex with you" vs "that was the best sex ever" EVERY SINGLE TIME.

I feel that I should make the point that women should know themselves (and their limits) and vet for sexual compatibility as early as possible -- which is why I'm not a huge fan of waiting a long period of time until you're super invested in him before engaging in sex.

What if the guy likes something that you personally find grotesque or offensive? Like anal sex? Or roleplay? Or BDSM? Or whatever weird shit lurks the bottom barrel of Reddit? Should you abandon your own personal sexual boundaries to keep him happy no matter what -- just to ensure that he's not meeting that need elsewhere? Or is curious? There are certain sexual lines I will NEVER cross, for any man, probably even my husband....and if that means that he would rather scratch that itch elsewhere, by all means.

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

But I think keeping your man sexually satisfied is critical. It's easier to sustain a feeling of "that was fun. i enjoy sex with you" vs "that was the best sex ever" EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Great distinction between the two, one is realistic and the other is a complete fantasy.

which is why I'm not a huge fan of waiting a long period of time until you're super invested in him before engaging in sex.

This may be somewhat controversial but I'm in moderate agreement. I do think it's important (at least ideal) to wait until exclusivity/some degree of insurance he's not looking for the quick commit P&D....but aside from religious/moral reasons....I have a healthy skepticism of a man who is willing to wait a particularly long time for sex. How long can you really be so amazing for that he is willing to forego other options? Or does he not have other options and waiting for you is his best bet? Like I said, religious or moral reasons kind of negate that logic, but in addition to your point on compatibility I wouldn't plan to wait an unreasonable amount of time after vetting and exclusivity before wanting to explore compatibility in the bedroom.

Also I edited my original comment to you if you didn't see d:

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This may be somewhat controversial but I'm in moderate agreement. I do think it's important (at least ideal) to wait until exclusivity/some degree of insurance he's not looking for the quick commit P&D.

I say blowjobs/handjobs early on to keep him happy until you're comfortable. LOL

[–]JaneeCathartica 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don't marry unless you are the best for them, sexually, or else you're just being selfish. The only competition i have in my ltr is with myself. Every woman should strive for this, like the post implies, but with NO settling. Be the best. If you can't, there's a lack in sexual compatibility. No bullshit.

[–]JaneeCathartica 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

This line made me tear up a little: But sex is the closest thing you will ever get to experiencing your relationship incarnate

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Pssssst, which line? (:

[–]JaneeCathartica 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh ha! Sorry. It's the one that went "But sex is the closest thing you will ever get to experiencing your relationship incarnate".

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I actually had a feeling it was that one. That is a belief I have long held. I feel there are so many powerful emotions you can express through the intimacy of sex. I don't mean using sex to accomplish things (i.e. Manipulative makeup sex or similar), but rather to convey your authentic emotions.

You can turn to sex to say "I love you", "I need you", "I'm sorry", "we did it", to celebrate, to forgive, to be comforted, to give comfort -- and so many more. It's a seriously beautiful act that I don't understand how it becomes laborious for some couples.

Thank you for commenting! I'm not sure we've spoken before but it's nice to meet you (:

[–]Ruhrtochter 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

A cheating man is a coward. Too afraid to make his Needs known. But then suddenly Finds the urge to fuck.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm sorry but do you know what /r/ this is? Men cheat for various reasons. Up to and including the woman in their life not providing enough sexual connection. The blanket statement that a cheating man is a coward is not true. Also a lot of men tell women that they will not get the commitment they want from them and women try to change men. there is also the idea that when a man cheats it's equally as devastating as an emotional affair. Finally if a man cheats and a woman chooses to stay with him knowing he may go do it again and doesn't fix her end of the deal, does that still make him a coward? I think many reasons make your statement false.

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

CQ said it, but no. In addition to the inherent challenge of monogamy, having a neglectful romantic partner, or a low quality one (manipulative, etc) - there are plenty of rational reasons a man would cheat. It is our responsibility to be as loving and fulfilling as we possibly can be to minimize that risk.

If your man cheats, your first job is to look in the mirror and ask if you could have done more. Sometimes the answer is "no", but most often the answer is "yes".

In either case, there are plenty of explanations for cheating far before you arrive at "coward" and if you hold this belief about men you may want to question why you're in this sub and if our philosophy fits your relationship dynamic.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

there are plenty of rational reasons a man would cheat and stay

This is the crucial part. There are many reasons why a man would cheat and not leave his wife. Not as an act of cowardice but maybe as an act of duty (eg: kids or not believing in divorce). There are so many facets to it. You can't just throw a statement like 'a cheating man is a coward' out there.

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Shame ):

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Cite where I even tenuously suggest men are "sex-driven blah blah blahs".

[–]zombiegroupie82Mid 30s, married 10 years, together 13, 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is amazing! Had to read it twice :)

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

So glad you enjoyed (:

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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