Warning: long and seemingly disordered. Trust me it'll all make sense in the end.

So my bday is coming up (day before xmas) and what I USED to do was sit around and do nothing on my bday then go to my sisters house on xmas and see the kids. I never have made a big deal about it. No one is usually around anyways so my bday is just a great day to chill. My kid at her dads. My family usually travels. My sister hosts her in-laws and I am kinda selfish so I would avoid that and just relax on my bday.

Last year was the first year that I ever celebrated it. My SO took me out and we had a nice dinner. That was it. So this year I was thinking SWEET. We get to just chill and do nothing and it'll be great if he wants to take me out but... no biggie if he doesn't.

Then come to find out his mom is coming up on Friday. ummmm. ok. again no biggie. Still not gonna do anything much. Then my daughter says she is staying home for my bday. Ok. This is getting interesting. But fuck it. Surrounded by people who love me. YAY!

Then my dad drops the bomb on me. He is "flying out Christmas day so can we all get together on Christmas Eve?". My bday. Ok. Great. Well I'm down for it but not sure if my SO had anything planned. Here is where it gets relevant. I tell my dad "I will talk to my SO and will get back to you by tomorrow". Now my SO is looking at me like I'm crazy because he is just sitting on right next to me hearing the conversation.

Now, in my head there are several things happening. 1. I demonstrate to my dad that I am not the one in charge. There is a decision to be made and it isn't mine alone to make. 2. I demonstrate to my SO that I respect his time and opinion enough to consider what he has to say before making a decision. 3. That I even respect his opinion enough to influence MY birthday plans where normally I gets what I want because its ma birfdayyy!

So I tell my SO what my dad said and asked if we can go to my sisters. He just kissed me and said "it is your birthday so you pick. thank you for asking though". I KNEW HE WAS GONNA SAY THAT BUT IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER BECAUSE HIS OPINION & TIME MATTERS TO ME.

Now. If he had some reason he couldn't or didn't want to go we would have discussed it like adults. But I think I scored some major brownie points with my man by showing him how much I respect him. He would have gone along if I would have just told my dad yes. He doesn't get butthurt like that. But showing him respect definitely was a win in his eyes. As someone who is usually the events coordinator in a lot of arenas, this is hard for me to do.

Moral of the story: Even if you know the answer, showing respect will always strengthen a relationship. <3<3

It feels good to really make someone a part of your life rather than being an accessory.