This happened to me on Sunday y'all.

I just wanna say thank you to /u/Sunhappy_DC for knocking some sense into me in my weekly reflections.

Turns out my hamster is on overdrive. I apologized to my SO for something I did on Sunday night and was ready to drop it when he drops this bomb on me... "What are you talking about?" I thought my SO didn't say goodnight to me. He did. I thought he was ignoring me. He just didn't have an answer to what I needed to know. I thought he was mad at me. Turns out he is just equally as frustrated about the situation as I am but is 100% resolved and committed to fixing it with me. He just kinda hugged me and said "girl, I'm not easily manipulated". I thought "oh yeah!!! I knew that". hahahha Derp.

So ladies. Here is my lesson for you.

Sometimes you need to play Whack-A-Mole with your hamster!!!

Letting things build up in your relationship is never a good idea. However, how can you tell if you are harboring resentments? How can you tell what is something worth discussing or letting go? So I've come up with some simple ways to do that.

Am I resentful?

  • Do you find yourself consistently remembering something, even if there is nothing that should actually remind you of it directly?

  • Do you find yourself bringing up topics to someone you trust even if it is to say "I'm ok with it"?

  • Do you always say it to your SO as a "joke"?

Then you my dear, may be harboring a resentment.

Is it worth bringing up?

  • Is the topic something that is a deal breaker?

  • Is the topic life/death?

  • Is the topic harming your relationship over the long term?

If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, then you should bring it up. If you answered 'no' to them, then STFU.

Possible outcomes

Some of the possible outcomes are as follows.

  • No resentments.. YAY

  • Resentment but don't need to bring it up.. Bring it to us. Bring it to the IRC. Write about it. Write out all the things you would want to say but don't say them.

  • Resentment but you do need to bring it up.. Bring it to us. Bring it to the IRC. Write about it. Write out all the things you would want to say and make sure that it is in a loving and respectful manner. Then speak to your SO about the problem. /u/maebol just had a great field report about bringing your captain your problem and not your solution.

Here is what I'm going to commit to do more.

  1. Take care of myself when I'm hungry/angry/lonely/tired. They are not my SO's issue to deal with.

  2. Make sure that I clarify things before I say that I am moving on... because that is where I get stuck (but what if he meant this or what did he mean by that?)

  3. Work on not being a martyr.

  4. Trusting my SO to handle shit.

In sum: This has been a great learning experience for me. I became complacent in a lot of the things i was doing and they snowballed fast. So learn from me and my mistakes :D

-CQ