Vulnerability and the sexes

Camille11325 · 2016-09-12T19:42:36+00:00

I've been looking forward to this post!

The definition of vulnerability definitely makes sense for both women and men. When you enter into a relationship you risk your physical safety (even if we don't think about it, we trust our SO to not kill us or abuse us), you risk your material possessions, you also risk being wounded emotionally, and you risk being harmed in a more abstract and intangible way. Even though in RP and traditional dynamics men are the heads of the relationships, they are still susceptible to all sorts of pain and loss. Letting someone into your life involves letting down your guard; you cannot have intimacy without exposing yourself.

Of course each gender expresses and experiences vulnerability in different ways, but there are commonalities: sharing secrets, allowing the other to know of your failures, not hiding your negative emotions, having sex, combining finances and households, letting your SO care for you when you are sick, etc.

Female vulnerability is often more visible than male vulnerability since we are smaller, weaker, and financially dependent (sometimes). Also the fact that we can get pregnant limits our freedom to an extent, we are less able to just pack up and leave, so we must trust our man more to not take advantage of his advantage.

I believe that vulnerability is vital for men as well when it comes to love. If female expressions of vulnerability are rooted in a desire to be protected and provided for, then the male version is about being nurtured and comforted. /u/BellaScarletta gave an excellent example of male vulnerability in action. I don't think that vulnerability = weakness but it's not far from it and a less disciplined man could easily become too dependent and weak and cause his woman to lose attraction.

Okay my comment is super long so I'll shut up now haha great discussion topic looking forward to the conversations it generates!

BellaScarletta · 2016-09-12T18:50:56+00:00

I'm not sure I can offer a quality definition for male vulnerability without marinating more, but I can share one specific way I know R practices it and means a lot to him. We've actually talked about it directly, so I'm not speculating on his thoughts - he told me all this.

Essentially he feels very strongly about the man being the rock, and what it means to carry the world on your shoulders to provide for your woman/family. He absolutely subscribes to a woman's role as being a "soft space", which he has explicitly thanked me for doing in those words.

When he encounters a challenge any hardship, he will ask me to lay down with him, and we lie on the couch or the bed and he just lays there with his head on my chest. He doesn't ever talk, and sometimes he falls asleep. But he's said all he needs to keep going is knowing he has a literal place to lay his head when he feels weary. He told me not to be surprised if he comes home and thanks me for helping him with a problem that he never made me aware he had, and that being that place/person for him, and knowing I'm available for him to rest with, is more help than directly problem solving. So when he comes and asks to lay down, I've learned not to ask him what's going on because he isn't looking to talk about it in the slightest. He's described these moments as recharging and being with someone you can temporarily allow to see your "rock" crumble, if not just for a few moments before pulling yourself back together and carrying on stoically.

So again, I wouldn't venture to prescribe that definition to all men, but it's a short little ritual of masculine vulnerability I enjoy with my man in particular.

Littleknownfacts · 2016-09-12T18:35:57+00:00

I think masculine vulnerability is manifested in marriage. Marriage (but really divorce) laws are highly skewed in favor of women. But simultaneously marriage is the ultimate form of intimacy. You cannot have that much closeness without the risk. I suppose you can have a sufficient amount of intimacy in a relationship without marriage, but it will never be the same as if he was willing to marry you for the sake of reaching that top tier intimacy.

littleeggwyf · 2016-09-13T07:08:04+00:00

I have thoughts on your questions, it has taken me since last night to work out what i wanted to say on three and four!

I think loss of control vulnerability for me has two parts, one being sometimes submitting and conceding control, the other being conceding self-sufficiency. The first is an emotional thing, accepting compromise more, but the second is a difficult thing for a modern woman because it means material vulnerability as well when compared to going it alone.
I think there's also a vulnerability in knowing a woman's full history, so for a woman beginning a LTR, being honest about things like number of partners and past behaviour could be a show of vulnerability, because you are not hiding flaws that could drop your RMV. As a newbie, I may be wrong, please correct if this is a terrible idea!
I think there's different aspects to male vulnerability as well - allowing the mask to drop emotionally and showing capacity to suffer from your partner is one, but also something I can't think of a good name for, but is assuming responsibility for the wellbeing of the family above their own personal wellbeing. Or maybe fusing the wellbeing of the family into their own as one thing.
I don't know! I think it's vital for me in my man, because that sense of doing whatever needs to be done whatever the cost gives me a sense of security which makes the vulnerability in 1. turn into a strong bond rather than a cost, for me.

I am scared of /r/PurplePillDebate, I will leave the arguing with internet peoples to my husband and stick to nice places :)

Title	Vulnerability and the sexes
Author	CoochQuarantine
Upvotes	8
Comments	32
Date	September 12, 2016 6:30 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/52fult/vulnerability_and_the_sexes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/vulnerability-and-the-sexes.209587 https://theredarchive.com/post/209587

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