I made a post last week making some commitments for the year.

I know we are only a week in, but it's the tiny steps that turn into bigger steps. Wanted to just give a quick field report to stay on track.

1) I said I wanted to become more fearless when it comes to trust, and also communicate that trust in small ways. Since then, I have totally stopped acting curious about who is texting my SO when his phone goes off. If it's important or if he wants to tell me, he will. But I don't need to ask. That has been going well. I have also tried to be more laid back in other scenarios that would otherwise wind me tight. For instance, this evening he had a work outing for drinks and appetizers for a co worker who is leaving. We were supposed to get together later. He sent me a message saying that it turns into a dinner, making him later than expected. This has been a thing of the past, with me getting fussy when his travel or work plans get botched, thus interfering with our time. I simply responded with telling him to have fun and enjoy himself and that we will see each other tomorrow. Hoping he feels a sense of relief.

2) I have attempted to stop swearing and have done okay. It's especially hard when I am around friends who swear. Also, I have realized that I swear a lot to myself and in my head....so that has to stop if I want the outward swearing to stop. This is still a work in progress and not perfect.

3) I wanted to take care of myself more, so I am not so reliant on my spouse. Now, that doesn't mean I don't rely on him, but I don't want him to feel the pressure of needing to please or entertain me. I have added a yoga class per week (I already go twice a week) and am still looking into getting scuba certified since I live at the beach. I have found a club to join once a month.

Overall, I am proud of myself for making small steps and Especially thankful to whoever suggested treating trust like an insurance policy, and the other who suggested I can try to fake it until I make it. There is still a great deal of fear and anxiety related to me freely and openly trusting, but I am putting the action there in hopes that with time the feelings associated with it will change. Not easy but worth it.

Hope you're all having a great week!