So, at TRP they found this and were asking about any female equivalents to chivalry as a counter-point.

http://goodguyswag.com/21-lost-gentleman-traditions-that-still-apply-today/

So let's compose our own list. Everyone can suggest their own ideas and I'll add them here. Any ones I especially like will get featured near the top.

Personality:

1: She takes responsibility for herself. A common trend in women I can't stand is that they're always blaming somebody/something else for everything that goes wrong in life. A "lady" understands that she is responsible for her own happiness, and she works to make it happen. [whitebunny87]

2: A lady doesn't give undue attention to situations that do not warrant it. If a mess is made, she cleans it. If something breaks, she buys a new one. She does not let small things affect her manner and disposition. [fleetingwish]

3: A lady always says "please", "thankyou", "excuse me", "pardon" and "I'm sorry". A lady knows she is not the only person who deserves respect, that she is not the only person who works hard. She makes an effort to be genuinely sorry when effort is wasted on her, genuinely thankful for every small thing someone does for her and humble when asking for anything that she wants or needs.

4: A lady accepts her lot gracefully. Sometimes there are problems in our lives we can change, jobs we can get out of doing and people and situations we can avoid. Other times we just need to accept the hand we've been dealt, cut the drama and the complaining and make the most of what we've got. Sulking like a toddler who got the wrong flavour ice-cream won't do us any favours and is unbecoming (a word we need to use more often!) to a lady. So, what others can you think of that should still apply today?

Relationships:

5: She is unquestionably loyal to her husband. [StingrayVC] A lady always speaks well of her husband and seeks to praise him in public. [ThorsdaySaturnday]

6: She knows when to turn of the "nice" as necessary. This doesn't mean she turns on full witch mode, but she knows what level of sternness is necessary given the situation. [StingrayVC]

7: A lady is kind to children, the elderly, the disabled and animals. A lady understands that most carers are women. She understands that the vulnerable see a polite woman and trust her, even rely on her. And she at least is polite and gentle with those who are vulnerable enough to need to see her as a mothering figure. She does not leave lost children crying on corners or elderly people lying on the ground when they fall.

8: A lady does not nag, pester, chastise or otherwise undermine the maturity, agency and authority of any adult. Her husband is an adult with independent agency and authority. So are her friends, her adult siblings, her parents, her coworkers, etc. Even if they are acting like immature little children, do not nag them, pester them or chastise them. If you deeply feel the need to, you are probably seeking drama (in which case stop) or you feel like you are under the authority of an immature individual (which is often as much your problem as theirs).

9: As long as she is an independent, mature adult, a lady does not let immature people run her life. She attaches herself to mature, responsible people who are independent of her and does not mind immature people attaching themselves to her, but she does not place her future wellbeing into the hands of people who cannot be trusted with their own wellbeing.

Appearance and Health:

10: A lady takes care of herself and her looks. She eats healthy and tries to look as best as she can by dressing appropriately, working out and applying make up as it best suits her. [frozen-strawberry] A lady keeps good posture and poise. [FleetingWish]

11: A lady doesn't sacrifice a flowing, natural stride or upright posture just to accommodate painful fashion choices. Sometimes a little comfort has to be given up to look your best, and heels can make your legs look great, but if they're so high or ill-fitting that you stomp around like you're wearing clogs, you're much better off wearing smaller or more stable heels, or flats. Your feet and spine will thank you. [menina_idealista]

Public Sphere:

12: A lady is attentive and a good listener who asks questions in conversation and doesn't just talk about herself! [ladymodernlove]

13: A lady doesn't air her grievances in public to anyone who will listen. She deals with it appropriately in the right space. If she's having issues with her friends or family she speaks with them privately and deals with it maturely. Same goes for her captain, no man bashing with her girlfriends. You look trashy and immature "bitching" out in a bar or restaurant. These people are your family and loved ones and deserve respect. [Atikulta]

14: A lady always dresses for the occasion. She takes pride in her appearance and reputation, as she knows you can only make one first impression. There's a time and a place for sexy but grandpas funeral isn't one. Act and dress in a way that your man and family are proud to call you theirs. [Atikulta]

15: A lady doesn't lead on, mock or otherwise manipulate her male friends, family and coworkers. A lady understands that men serve their role in society, that they can (and often d0) have it hard, that their comparatively more eager and honest sex drives are not something to be exploited and then laughed about. A lady dresses appropriately, does not flirt for her own material gain and does not bad mouth men for being men.

16: A lady repays in kind. Other than your man or your parents, nobody should be supporting you. If you're out and a male friend buys you a drink, buy him one back of equal worth. If a relative sends you a birthday present, buy them something nice for Christmas or their birthday. Do not allow yourself to become indebted to others, especially not single male friends. If someone buys you something that is too much for you to repay, show your sincerest gratitude and repay as best you can on the spot, or when you can afford to in the future.

17: A lady does not shout, swear, guffaw or otherwise make inappropriately loud sounds in conversation. She speaks when she has something to say, not when she is wrestling attention or trying to be difficult by disagreeing with more educated people around her. She discusses those things that interest her and that she is familiar with, doesn't interrupt people and listens when a more educated person is speaking.

18: However a lady also speaks clearly, precisely and without dawdling or mumbling. A lady does not use filler words or "phonetic punctuation" at the ends of sentences, such as "like", "um" or "uh". [LittleMsRed] A lady avoids using expletives. [FleetingWish]

19: She is not violent towards anyone unless defending herself. Children, elders, the disabled and animals trust her. Other women are not free to hit just because you're physically equal. And just because gentlemen don't hit you back doesn't mean you're allowed to punch them. Besides, if a man does hit you back then it's your own fault for hurting him unnecessarily. However, if a lady is defending her children she is expected to fight at least as violently if not moreso than for herself. Her husband, parents and her child itself expect her to defend her children. [cabezadelamuerte]

20: A lady acts humble even when she isn't. She can be the certified world's biggest narcissist, but she will at least act modest about her accomplishments, accept praise without demanding more and not use herself as the point of reference for every conversation, problem or plan.

21: However, a lady is also not self-depreciating unless she feels it is an honest representation of herself. She does not go out of her way to feel hard-done-by, to be pitied or to ignore her every accomplishment. She doesn't have to brag and sing her own praise in order to show confidence in herself. (Note: these are in Public Sphere because they are behaviours. In time they may become parts of your personality, but to start out with it's necessary to focus less on the being and more on the doing.)

Private Sphere:

22:A lady is a good hostess. She makes her living space comfortable, welcoming, and pleasing to the eye. She knows how to set people at ease. [muliebritee]

23: A lady cooks to suit her man's tastes. Lunatic Amanda Marcotte has recently decided that cooking with anyone but yourself in mind is vile patriarchy. Which must mean it is a cornerstone of ladylike behaviour. When you cook, cook for the diners. A lady asks her gentleman before trying something he may not like, makes sure he is well-fed, makes him something else if he doesn't like the dinner and makes his favourite meals for him on the regular.

24: A lady never engages in gossip. It's simply not classy. [ThorsdaySaturnday]

What else does a lady do/not do? I have categorized them by theme. Any more suggestions regarding themes or organization are welcome. :)