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3 simple steps to keep him smitten forever!

December 16, 2018
184 upvotes

Premise

In healthy relationships, there's a constant giving and receiving. We each do our best to make the other happy and in turn, our spouse does the same for us. When we each invest 100% into the other, we'll have a happy marriage. The key is to provide what the spouse needs from us, which isn't necessarily the same as what we need from them.

Some people are dysfunctional or abusive and aren't capable of having a healthy, reciprocal adult relationship. It is not regarding these people that I write this post.

Several months ago, u/girlwithabike wrote a series of posts on the book for women only. I highly recommend reading the book as well as her posts on the book for a more in depth discussion on what will be presented here.

Step one - feed his ego

Men are human doings. One of the drawbacks of this is that men feel no self worth if they aren't accomplishing something and/or useful to someone. If you have a husband, he has a core need to feel useful and to be admired for his skills and usefulness.

A major area of expression for this deep seated need is the realm of finances. He needs to feel like his work is keeping the family afloat and that this is appreciated and admired by his wife. Conversely, being taken for granted or criticized for his accomplishments and hard work, will chip away at his sense of self worth and bring misery to his life. If you engage in this, he will have less and less desire to be around you.

Same applies for smaller things. He cut the grass or shoveled the snow? Express your gratitude to him for doing so. Extra points if you do so in public. His love for you will grow with each compliment and each criticism or nagging is like another wound that will distance him from you.

Step two - keep his balls empty

Men don't enjoy talking as much as women do. Men bond with each other over physical activities. Likewise, he may engage in lengthy conversation with you because that's what you need, but what he needs is to connect with you regularly through touch. Affectionate touch, sensual touch, sexual touch. Buildup is wonderful, as long as he isn't left hanging with pent up sexual tension.

Example - greet him at the door when he comes home from work. Spend a few minutes hugging and kissing him, groping and making out. Occasionally greet him in lingerie. Then settle him to relax while you get back to cooking supper. This will make him feel incredibly desired.

Ask any man for the number one reason he agreed to get married and they'll probably tell you - to have a steady supply of sex. Men express love through sex and sex exponentially increases his love for you. If he feels sexually desired by you, he will feel like a million dollars. This can only benefit you.

Furthermore, men are highly visual. The enjoyment of looking at you and being able to show you off cannot be underestimated. An ejaculation is cheap and he doesn't need you for that. He needs you for the desire, the sexual dance, the sexual bonding and yes, also the visuals.

You may look at your imperfect body and think that there's nothing to see here so why bother trying to look sexy or elegant. The famous (or infamous) okcupid study showed us that men are very charitable with regards to a woman's looks. Men aren't that rigid. If you make an effort to stay in shape and look good for him, to desire him sexually and to have an active sex life - you'll succeed because he's likely far less judgmental and far more forgiving than your female friends are.

Step three - keep his stomach full

Many people underestimate the importance of cooking for your husband. Can't he make his own damn sandwich is an oft heard trope. Yes. He sure can make his own sandwich and he could eat alone too, but that's not the point.

When you cook for him and eat together with him whenever possible, you'll bond with him in a deep, emotional, non sexual level that's extremely important for a marriage. You'll cause him to feel important and cared for and this will go a long way.

By extension of this idea is keeping the house neat and clean and a warm friendly environment.

Conclusion

These three simple but powerful steps are a great new years resolution to make your marriage great again.

  • To keep his ego fed.
  • To keep his balls empty.
  • To keep his stomach full.

Cheers!

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Post Information
Title 3 simple steps to keep him smitten forever!
Author loneliness-inc
Upvotes 184
Comments 95
Date December 16, 2018 8:08 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/3-simple-steps-to-keep-him-smitten-forever.67975
https://theredarchive.com/post/67975
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/a6scr8/3_simple_steps_to_keep_him_smitten_forever/
Top posts by loneliness-inc
Comments

[โ€“]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor92 points93 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

I see this sentence got you in trouble:

Ask any man for the number one reason he agreed to get married and they'll probably tell you - to have a steady supply of sex.

The main idea is really this:

Men express love through sex and sex exponentially increases his love for you.

Men marry for love. They feel love from sex. Ergo men marry for sex from a desirable woman.

I married for love. I feel love from attention and validation. Ergo, I married to have a steady supply of attention from a worthwhile man.

We must love each other in a language that the other understands.

Can't he make his own damn sandwich is an oft heard trope.

Everyone knows that sandwiches taste better when someone else makes them. :-P

[โ€“]c_a_l_m 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy Link

Men marry for love. They feel love from sex.

And respect. If you think it's just sex then he'll start feeling like a john, and you'll start feeling like a whore.

[โ€“]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yes. That too. However I disagree that expressing love through sex makes one feel like a whore. Not understanding that sex is an expression of love could do that though.

Also the 'respect' component is tackled by the feed his ego portion of the post. I wasn't trying to suggest any one part was more important than the other.

[โ€“]c_a_l_m 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Fair enough, it sounds like we agree.

[โ€“]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's always nice isn't it :-)

[โ€“]Jikira1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It funny because my boyfriend uses quality time to show love, where I like to get busy. One day I was so so so so horny that after about a month of horny jikira. My boyfriend told me he felt like a human dildo.

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Very well said! ๐Ÿ‘Œ

[โ€“]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

:-D

[โ€“]RainbowKitty7739 points40 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

When I was with my ex and we first moved in together I complimented him so much because the man can fix so many things and genuinely likes to. Amazes me that women could nag that a man doesnt do housework if hes willing to do the yard work and fix things.

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 27 points28 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Nagging is the thousand cuts that often brings about the death of the relationship.

[โ€“][deleted] 24 points25 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Conversely, not sharing expectations and making covert contracts just to avoid nagging is arguably worse. Communicating needs/wants/expectations in a direct way is not nagging. Doing it every four minutes is nagging. Asking him to take out the trash is not nagging, asking "why do I always have to take out the trash" when having never asked for it - is nagging.

[โ€“]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is an area where I really like some of Laura Doyle's advice: ask yourself "is this on my plate"

There are so many things that aren't on my plate and thus do not require my attention or comments. Does the trash need to go out - I don't care! It's not on my plate!

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well, the idea that covert contracts are a negative is one that I don't entirely agree with, but that's a whole other can of worms.

Take sex for example (because it's the most blatant example to drive home the point). Both men and women initiate sex by movements and actions. We do it differently, but the common denominator is that we both initiate sex in a manner of a covert contract.

Imagine if we followed the guidance to get continual, enthusiastic, verbal consent. Sex would become extremely bad. It would be something like this is - can I kiss you? Can I touch here? Now can I touch here? May I remove your shirt? May I kiss you again? Can I touch here? Can I touch like this? May I remove your bra? May I touch your butt? May I kiss you again? May I remove your pants? May I touch you here? May I remove your panties? May I finger you? May I kiss you while fingering you? May I place my penis into your vagina?

Anyone who has ever had sex would probably find this to be extremely annoying and highly unromantic and unsexy. Same is true for other areas of life. Not everything needs to be spelled out. Many conversations are better when they're non verbal.

OTOH, certain things are better if a verbal agreement is reached. Such as whose job it is to take out the garbage. But as u/girlwithabike said - if it isn't your job, don't say anything. Saying something displays a lack of trust in his ability to get things done. It's nagging and he'll hate it even if he bites his tongue and says nothing.

[โ€“][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your sex example isn't a covert contract. Covert contracts are expectations that if you do this he must do that.

[โ€“]stripethrowaway 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy Link

I definitely think that "Stop nagging" should be a close #4

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

To not nag, criticize etc is part of feeding his ego. It's the "don't destroy his ego" which is the flipside of "feed his ego".

[โ€“]stripethrowaway 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes, but a lot of us don't make that association. Lol.

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fair enough.

I did make this association at the end of step one inside the post ๐Ÿ˜‰

[โ€“]WonderfulandValuable3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I think it is a matter of gratitude. Men that do not recognize that their women work their ass of to treat them like kings come across as lazy and entitled.

[โ€“]RainbowKitty774 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think people as a whole forgot how to be grateful.

[โ€“]WonderfulandValuable4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

gratitude is a lost virtue indeed.

[โ€“]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

The people who critique this focus too much on peak-experiences. The relationship old-timers know that the daily grind matters much more as years go by.

This stuff is solid. These things are what keep us going when the kid poops his pants and the baby runs a fever and we're too sleep-deprived to see straight and someone just broke a vase full of water and flowers are strewn about the floor. It's all the little things added up that make you want to scream sometimes. And then you're not ready to swing back to peak experience, excitement, deep conversations etc. You need the basics. To return to normal. Rest.

Make sure your 'normal' is like this. Three basic steps. And all will fall into place.

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for you input.

[โ€“]muabirdie19 points20 points  (48 children) | Copy Link

I don't know... I know men are simple creatures but there is more that goes into a loving relationship than these three things. It's extremely simplistic.

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 5 points6 points  (43 children) | Copy Link

For the longer version, please read the posts by u/girlwithabike on the book for women only - linked in a comment.

But yes, men are simple creatures and it really is quite simple to keep your man happy. If you disagree, please explain why you disagree.

[โ€“]muabirdie14 points15 points  (37 children) | Copy Link

Because there is much more to a relationship than just fucking, cooking and telling him that he is amazing. You can get a robot that does all those things. Building a bond and memories together are MUCH more important than these things you said here. That is the magic that makes a man love you, if you can get into his heart and you cannot do that with sex. It just doesn't work like that.

What if a woman can't cook or have sex anymore? People get in terrible accidents or get horrible diseases. According to your theory she is out of luck and that man will not be smitten with her anymore.

[โ€“]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor20 points21 points  (29 children) | Copy Link

Don't play the "what if" game. Plenty of people stay and plenty of people leave in those what if situations. On RP subs we nearly always talk in generalities though. What do most men do, how do most women behave.

What /u/loneliness-inc is suggesting is the basic needs of a man in a relationship. This is the baseline. Everything else adds to it. And it's right, this is straight out of For Women Only, which is surveys of men across the country.

You may get into his heart without sex, but show me a wife who isn't having sex with her husband and I'll show you and unfulfilled man. Bonds are built as much by the day to day as they are by large trips or big events. Bonds are him liking your cooking above everything else. Bonds are hearing "I adore you" every morning while you snuggle before the alarm goes off. Those are just as important, if not more, than the nice vacations you take.

And you cannot get a robot who will satisfactorily compliment you. It isn't the same as an actual person who genuinely means it. Don't be simple, this entire comment makes you sound young and single.

[โ€“]muabirdie6 points7 points  (28 children) | Copy Link

No need to get mean just because I disagree...

No, they said "make him smitten forever." Baseline and being not even in love but smitten forever are two very different things. You guys are the ones who are being simple.

If this is baseline it will make for a baseline relationship. I want more than that. I wish he would have explored what makes that happen.

[โ€“]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor5 points6 points  (26 children) | Copy Link

You are nit picking that he gave a snappy title but posted RPW basics and I'm the one that is mean?

As far as what you'd like to see, be the change... If this isn't good advice, post better. We have the content that people are willing to provide.

[โ€“]muabirdie5 points6 points  (25 children) | Copy Link

This post is basically called "THE SECRET TO MAKE HIM LOVE YOU FOREVER". I thought my love life would be shaken to the core but it's extremely basic advice. I wouldn't call that 'nit picking', just annoyed with clickbait and people defending this clickbait like it's some kind of hidden knowledge.

[โ€“]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor9 points10 points  (21 children) | Copy Link

And I think you are young and inexperienced because of this attitude. Consistency with both sex and affection are really the keys to making a man love you forever. Men want a cheerleader and a soft place to land. They want to know that they are getting the same supportive woman when they come home at night - be it tonight, next year or in a decade. They want consistent sex that makes them feel desired and powerful. They want to bring that sandwich to work because other guys notice who has a wife that preps their lunch and it makes them feel loved. Or come home to dinner and feel like their hard work is appreciated and they are cared for. Would you say this is accurate /u/guywithgirlwithabike?

There is no hidden knowledge and it's only clickbait if you think that there is actually some secret out there that will solve all of your problems.

What it is is a reminder to be on your game every day... that a ring doesn't mean you don't have to try anymore.

Relationships take work and these sorts of posts and reminder are truly valuable reminders, at least to some of us. My neighbor once joked that you have to really love the man you married because some days you will wake up, look at him and think "I could smother you with a pillow right now". The blissful excitement of a new relationship wears out after a max of two years. The consistency of your love and affection, and yes sex, are important to maintain. You might not always want to. Those are the times when it's even more important to do so. The suggestions are tangible but they are meant to tap into much deeper emotions and form a strong bond. I think you are reading them without understanding the true impact they have on a man.

You may call it clickbait but after over 11 years with my husband, I can confidently say that this information is foundational. Everything else could be falling apart around us and consistency in these areas would keep us strong and keep his eyes shining for me.


And on an off topic note I want to add this: I've seen your comments for a week or two now and you are incredibly negative and a little snarky. I don't know why you are here in RPW but so far some of your comments and behaviors are questionable. You would do well to listen more than you debate and to be kinder in general in your advice and tone. You know a lot less than you think you know. Acknowledging that is the first step in learning.

[โ€“]muabirdie3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Oke :)

[โ€“]Akica17 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy Link

I actually agree with you. I would say that deep conversations, laughing together, being supportive and generally having an interesting personality are just as important in a relationship. OP's list suggests that a man could love anyone as long as they follow 3 basic steps, which I don't think is true. If your personality isn't interesting, your great cooking skills or compliments won't save the relationship in the long run. Men aren't robots, they value the same things women do, such as meaningful conversations. So if you have a great time together, combined with OP's list, that should do the trick.

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 3 points4 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

Would you say this is accurate

I'm not your husband (obviously), but I think it's accurate except for one detail. Some men care what others think, others don't as much. Coming to work with lunch prepared by your wife feels good even if you work alone.

There is no hidden knowledge and it's only clickbait if you think that there is actually some secret out there that will solve all of your problems.

I think many men and women get into trouble for this. Men for oversimplification and women for over complication. Not everything needs to be rocket science for it to be useful.

You may call it clickbait but after over 11 years with my husband, I can confidently say that this information is foundational. Everything else could be falling apart around us and consistency in these areas would keep us strong and keep his eyes shining for me.

๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ’ช

[โ€“]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor5 points6 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

Coming to work with lunch prepared by your wife feels good even if you work alone.

I agree with this, my Italian blood knows that food = love and other people are completely irrelevant. Like I said, sandwiches are more delicious if someone else makes them. It is known.

I just also noticed that my husband has commented on who else brings their lunch. For the types of men who notice it, it lets them know he is respected and cared for at home.

Not everything needs to be rocket science for it to be useful.

Right this.

Entire books have been written on these very simple concepts. Books that people (in reviews) consider life changing -- or at least relationship changing. We recommend quite a few of them on a regular basis on this sub.

[โ€“]WhisperTRP Founder7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you don't like quality of the free advice, then be the change you wish to see in the world, and post better.

One of the reasons that RPW articles are often basic instead of advanced is that, in general:

  • Men generally understand women a hell of a lot better than women understand men.
  • Most of our teaching efforts are expended in simply getting women to realize the novel idea that what men want might be important.
  • Most of the rest of our teaching efforts are expended in dispelling stupid myths about what men supposedly want, which survive because many women like to give advice about subjects they are ignorant of.

In other words, TRP has progressed to Advanced Flying Lotus Kungfu: Harnessing Your Chi to Run Up Walls, while RPW is stuck at "How Hold Fighting Stick?".

This is not actually a problem, however, because the lesson that most needs teaching is always the one that the student most needs to learn.

[โ€“]Guywithgirlwithabike3 Stars2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

u/girlwithabike has made a man happy enough to marry her, and kept him happy for over a decade now.

How long have you been able to hold onto a man, u/muabirdie?

Perhaps you should listen more and snark less.

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I read the comment by u/girlwithabike and I don't see her being mean to you.

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 12 points13 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Did you read the posts on the book for women only? Particularly the post about sex?

Because there is much more to a relationship than just fucking, cooking and telling him that he is amazing. You can get a robot that does all those things.

Sadly, you're mistaken. For men, sex with the Mrs isn't "just fucking". This is how he has a deep bond with you and without the sex, it's extremely difficult for him to have that deep bond.

Women bond in other ways as well. Through words, through cuddles, through attention etc. For men, sex plays a much more central role in this deep bond. It's a big mistake to reduce this bond to "just fucking"

Feeding his stomach and feeding his ego sends him the messages he needs that he's important to you, that you admire him and care for him. Your needs may be different, that doesn't invalidate his needs.

Building a bond and memories together are MUCH more important than these things you said here. That is the magic that makes a man love you, if you can get into his heart and you cannot do that with sex. It just doesn't work like that.

Much more important to you, a woman. It doesn't work like that for you. His needs aren't the same as yours. You're projecting female needs onto men.

What if a woman can't cook or have sex anymore? People get in terrible accidents or get horrible diseases. According to your theory she is out of luck and that man will not be smitten with her anymore.

Ever look into the success rate of such marriages? It ain't pretty. Being a caregiver is a very difficult position to be in as a spouse and comes with its own set of problems that are beyond the scope of this post. The short answer is no, getting into an accident doesn't need to be a death blow to the marriage but it often is for other reasons.

[โ€“]muabirdie6 points7 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I very much disagree with almost everything you said here. I'll keep in mind you think of relationships this way. Talking about things like they are facts doesn't make them facts. My future relationships is going to be much deeper than this.

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

You can do whatever you want with your life, it's your life. You can convince yourself of whatever you want. You can even accuse me of pulling things out of my ass, but that won't change anything. What I write here is still true for the overwhelming majority of men.

Maybe you don't want a relationship with a man. Maybe you want a mythical man that fits your perfect ideal of what a man is. Maybe you want a chic with a dick. I'm not sure. What is certainly clear is your lack of relationship with an actual man.

This isn't about me or you personally and I don't know why you're making it such. If you insist comparing the two of us - you speak from the perspective of a pie in the sky future relationship and I speak from a 12+ year marriage.

[โ€“]muabirdie6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

The only thing you and your wife have in common is sex, food and she giving you compliments?

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What part of - this isn't about me or you personally - was not understood that you felt the need to make this about me personally?

[โ€“]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Probably not, but this is what basically all happy relationships have in common. I think Tolstoy said that happy families are boring, because they are all happy in the same way. Unhappy ones are so diverse in their ways of being unhappy.

And I have been with mine over 12 years, too. OP knows what's what. If you can just get the basics right, the rest will fall into place.

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

๐Ÿ˜Š

[โ€“]mado55 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy Link

I don't really understand this perspective either...I'm not trying to be offensive at all; I would honestly like to learn, but based on my experience with men, they aren't so simple that they're completely fulfilled by just these 3 things. I do agree that men's fulfillment emphasizes material / physical things more than women's fulfillment does and certain things are perhaps less complicated for them, but I just don't think I've ever met a good man who would be fulfilled by just compliments, sex, and food. If that were the case, it would be extraordinarily simple to get a good man and any women could do it, regardless of what kind of person she was. But it's not that easy to get a truly good man because good men want more than that...in my experience, good men want a companion, a moral connection, an admirable, moral woman, someone they can discuss truly important things with, etc...The idea that good men can be completely fulfilled by these 3 things just seems like it's edging on the idea that men are Neanderthals, which I strongly believe they are not. I'm very close with my two brothers and my father, who I believe are all truly good men, and the idea that they would settle down and be happy with a woman who only satisfied those 3 things is just...beneath them. But I may be wrong and naive, so I would love to hear more of your perspective...

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

It would be easier to read your comment if it was broken into paragraphs. The jumbled state of your comment seems to reflect your confusion ๐Ÿ˜‰

I'll do my best to answer.

I didn't write it clearly but in the premise section of the post, there's a very strong implication that I'm speaking about a married couple. How to Keep him smitten forever, not so much about finding him. In other words - I'm speaking about a relationship that already exists.

You condensed the three steps into a simple

just compliments, sex and food.

Put that way, I'd agree with you, but that isn't what I said or meant.

I explained what I meant by keeping his ego fed, (not "just" compliments!). In short, this is about a deep respect and admiration, yielding and deference and not tearing him down through nagging and criticizing etc. You tell me - would this create an emotional connection in your opinion?

I explained what I meant with keeping his balls empty. Again, not just sex! This is a deep emotional connection. See the post for the full explanation.

I also explained what I meant by keeping his stomach full not "just" food, but the act of cooking for him (and by extension, keeping a clean home) and eating together, which creates plenty of quality time and conversation together.

So you tell me - are these three steps shallow and merely physical?

[โ€“]mado55 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm sorry, I've always had an unfortunately convoluted writing style.

I still can't say that I completely agree with you, but this does clear it up a lot and I really appreciate you doing so. I'm still strongly in the "finding" stage, so I think my perspective on the "keeping" stage is warped by that. Thinking about these 3 things purely in the "keeping" stage does really clear a lot up for me, because it means that the woman has already passed all of the husband's significant tests. I still think there's more, as in, these 3 things are some of the pillars on top of the foundation, but I do find myself agreeing with you a lot more after reading your comment. So thank you for the insight (:

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I still think there is more,

Example?

[โ€“]Theendisnearornot4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I think my husband would agree that men are simple to figure out. Really - following these things arenโ€™t a matter of โ€œonly 3 thingsโ€.

To give sincere compliments you need to be observant and kind and know what will puff up your husbandโ€™s chest. That is different things for different people. It also means putting aside petty differences and not nagging him - that is much deeper than one point. And it seems incredibly simple (it is - just may not be EASY).

You can break down each point in similar ways. And doing these things are HOW bonds are created and cultivated. Making a meal and sitting down together is huge - why do so many major events revolve around this very concept? To show your man that you are feeding him emotionally and physically so important.

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Of course, part of feeding his ego is to not tear him down through nagging and criticizing. Likewise, each idea can be expounded upon. In fact, there's a whole book on the matter called for women only and u/girlwithabike did a whole series of posts on the book. Check it out.

[โ€“]Theendisnearornot0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I read trough some of it - looks great. I was trying to reply to the other comment who was disagreeing with the simplicity of you original post :)

[โ€“]BewareTheOldMan0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Think of it as principal tasks with a series of implied/associated tasks/duties:

  • Keep his ego fed.
  • Keep his balls empty.
  • Keep his stomach full.

The Big Three are principal tasks. Underlying each principal task is a series of tasks/duties - all of which relate to the Big Three.

Men have their tasks/duties. Women have their task/duties. Not always, but sometimes it can be that simple for men.

I was watching a show/interview whereby an older woman stated the last two talking points as key to a great marriage. I assume she kept his ego fed as well, without feeling the need to mention this as a requirement. .

[โ€“]sevenfigsub6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yes. I tell or text my husband every day that he is handsome, intelligent, kind, great in bed, and makes me incredibly happy.

Try to have sexy times even if you are not feeling it in the moment. Try to clear your mind and find happiness in pleasing himโ€” usually youโ€™ll start to get in the mood and the endorphins make you feel so much better. (Obviously there are times when both or one partner is sick or dead exhausted โ€” and thatโ€™s ok)

I cook a lot, and my husband appreciates itโ€” BUT โ€” we both loooooove trying new restaurants. We go out a lot; if any of you also do this, just remember to tell him you appreciate him taking you out. (My husband is the main provider)

Step four: Do not freaking argue or bicker. If it is a minor annoyance, breathe threw it. Make the home a chill place.

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you for your comment.

What you write as step four is essentially the flipside of step one. The opposite of feeding his ego is either starving it or chipping away at it through constant nagging, criticizing, bickering etc. These things tell him loud and clear - I don't trust you. I don't trust your judgment. I don't trust your decision making. I know better. You don't know what you're doing.

[โ€“]sevenfigsub3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Youโ€™re so right

[โ€“]Vellore992 1 points [recovered]  (21 children) | Copy Link

Ask any man for the number one reason he agreed to get married and they'll probably tell you - to have a steady supply of sex.

I've never heard a man say this

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 2 points3 points  (19 children) | Copy Link

How many men did you ask?

I heard many men say this.

[โ€“]Vellore9921 Star18 points19 points  (18 children) | Copy Link

I've spoken to plenty of men about marriage. None of them have ever said that the main reason they married was to get consistent sex.

[โ€“]FYI-I-am-A-Dude8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The number one reason men peruse divorce is sex restrictions..and for women its finances.

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 3 points4 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

Okay, what reason did they give?

[โ€“]Vellore9921 Star16 points17 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

Because they were in love, they wanted a family, they wanted to be a husband, they wanted the legal and financial benefits, they wanted to signal to their community how committed they were to their partner, they wanted to be taken seriously as a family unit by their community, etc, etc, etc.

"I want to lock down consistent sex" has never come up.

[โ€“][deleted] 19 points20 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I've heard many women say the most important thing in a relationship is a sense of humor. Then they introduce you to their 6'3 boyfriend who has no idea what a joke is.

What people SAY is different than what they MEAN.

[โ€“]Vellore9921 Star8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

So we should never trust anyone or take what they say at face value?

When the men in my life share their thoughts and opinions with me, I listen. There's no point constantly assuming dishonesty in people.

[โ€“][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Trust, but verify.

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Male love is expressed through sex, so "because I'm in love" is a hot, passionate, sexual type of love. Not the cold, sibling-like, friend-like, type of love.

The other reasons are things I heard from women, but never from men. Perhaps the men you spoke to didn't want to come across as one track minded horndogs?

[โ€“]Vellore9921 Star11 points12 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

So "I'm in love" actually means "I want consistent sex" when it comes from a man?

Seems like a stretch. Men also experience affectionate, companionate love with their wives.

And when the men in my life share with me, I listen. I don't like to assume they're all liars trying to appear less horny.

There are lots of good reasons to marry, putting consistent sex right at the top is a recipe for disaster in my opinion, but you do you.

[โ€“]Iamthewalrus4824 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Iโ€™m sorry, why exactly are you here? I donโ€™t understand the point of nit picking a tiny aspect of the post. If you donโ€™t like it, cool! Ignore it and move on. You do like it but donโ€™t agree with something? Cool say that, but donโ€™t be immature and argue and nit pick over semantics

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

So "I'm in love" actually means "I want consistent sex" when it comes from a man?

Didn't say that.

Seems like a stretch. Men also experience affectionate, companionate love with their wives.

Of course!

And when the men in my life share with me, I listen. I don't like to assume they're all liars trying to appear less horny.

That's good. I suggested that with a question mark because I'm not saying that definitively. I'm trying to reconcile the message I got from every married man I know, with the message you got from every married man you know. These two messages seem to be very far from one another.

There are lots of good reasons to marry, putting consistent sex right at the top is a recipe for disaster in my opinion, but you do you.

Consistent sex is a core need for most men. Furthermore, many many marriages fall apart if the sex falls apart. See deadbedrooms, divorce and adultery for examples.

[โ€“]Vellore9921 Star7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I guess we know different types of men

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Either that or we see different sides of the same men ๐Ÿ˜‰

[โ€“]muabirdie3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You are SO right. It's weird that people think guys are emotionless robots that only follow their boner, especially on this sub!!

[โ€“]BewareTheOldMan-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're correct on all the reasons for marriage (as it relates to men) that include love, family/family unit, husband-father ideals, commitment, etc.

An example where a man would consider marriage as a legal benefit relates directly to his children or if the wife is a much higher earner/much wealthier than the husband. Single, unmarried men are doing very well or at least much better financially than most married men. Most married men easily observe this as fact.

Very few men offer the reason "I want to lock down consistent sex," but this is a given as part of a marital relationship. It mostly deserves no mention, but lots of follow through and regular action.

[โ€“]LuckyLittleStarModerator | Lil'Star[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your post adds no value to the conversation. You are nit picking details, rather than talking about the message of the post.

[โ€“]SraSB6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Thank you ok for this post. As has been mention in other comments, it's not a new post or concept. However, it's a good reminder of the basics on where the red pill believes are based on.

From a person point of view

Step one- feed his ego Every morning I tell my husband how proud of him I am. Not because I need to, because I am. He is a great husband and I tell him I am proud of him as much as I say I love you.

Step two-sex My husband is not the best to express emotions verbally. So intimacy is how he expresses it. It's not only sex. It's closeness . It's being into eachother arms and knowing you are home

Step three- keep his stomach full I love cooking for him and our family. There's not better feeling than cooking his favourite meals or just something new and having him ask for 2nds or 3rds as he can't stop eating

PS i apologise for any spelling or grammar mistakes as English is not my first language ๐Ÿ˜Š

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

No need to apologize, you wrote a good comment. ๐Ÿ˜Š

I just have one question -

Not because I need to, because I am.

What does this mean?

[โ€“]SraSB3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you๐Ÿ˜Š

What I meant is that's never a chore to praise him as I am truly proud of him. He's a wonderful father, husband leader and provider.

I hope my comment makes more sense now๐Ÿ˜Š

[โ€“]riotingmashedpotato2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I agree with step one entirely. Men are sadly fragile about their masculinity (it's just human nature) and even though it's not a main thing, it does help to keep him feeling like the 'man of the relationship'.

Step two and three I do have a problem with.

If you are always open to giving him sex, he is going to start to wonder if you really are enjoying it or are just doing it to please him. And if he starts to have this theory it will kill his ego, which is not what you want. Also, it will make him start to lose respect for you.

Step three is not bad, but if you don't like cooking to began with, you will start feeling tired and unhappy doing it everyday. There are other ways to bond as well.

Again these are just my theories.

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for your feedback.

There's one solution to both your concerns: enthusiasm. If you do anything begrudgingly or even as a favor, it won't work. Only if it's done joyously will it be well received.

Now you may ask - how can you do something enthusiastically when you aren't in the mood of it? If you aren't in the mood for sex, how can you be into sex with him? If you aren't in the mood of cooking today, how can you be into it?

Sometimes you won't be able to get yourself in the mood and that's okay, but most of the time you can focus on your desire for him, not on your lack of desire for sex or cooking. If you desire him (and I'll assume you do), you'll be able to bring yourself into the zone because that's what he needs. Because you're motivated by your desire for him.

[โ€“]Puddles5030 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I doubt any guy is going to seriously worry if you are "doing something just to please him." It's hot and awesome to occasionally do things not because you want to but to please someone. As long as you want to the majority of the time that's what counts.

[โ€“]deadsandsushi2 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy Link

I could instantly tell this was a loneliness post without even looking at the author because of the banal generalizations.

No wonder I never visit this sub anymore.

[โ€“]Hammocknapping 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

This is exactly what I thought as soon as I opened this post. It has no new content, no new perspective, no anecdotes, and no real value for anyone but first time readers.

I'm thankful my relationship is not this banal.

[โ€“]LuckyLittleStarModerator | Lil'Star[M] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Not everything is for people who have been here forever. We get new users all the time.

If you want to see content with new and original ideas, make it.

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you.

I did state in the first section of the post that this is basically a condensed version or summary of the posts by u/girlwithabike on the book for women only.

[โ€“]Iamthewalrus4824 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think this was a great post! It wasnโ€™t anything groundbreaking but I love knowing Iโ€™m on the right path.

Thanks for taking the time to write it! I truly donโ€™t get why everyone is getting their panties in a bunch.

I hope to see more of your posts in the future :)

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you

[โ€“]Uniqueusername360 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

I just want to congratulate you because you have figured men out to a perfect science!

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

  1. This is a synopsis of the book - for women only.

  2. I am a man ๐Ÿ˜‰

Thank you.

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Additional reading.

For women only - introduction There should be links in each post to the next post. If not, you can search the profile of u/girlwithabike

Like two sides of a battery

Leaders and followers

[โ€“]MSU_GDzilla 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

As man I must agree and will attests to these three steps..you women keep up the good work.

[โ€“]loneliness-inc[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for sharing

[โ€“]Kelaerrr 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

/r mgtow

[โ€“]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is pointless and removed. Do better or don't comment here.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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