Today I want to talk about honesty. In this era of political correctness, being truly honest about how you feel and giving your opinions on topics that matter to you have been severely impeded because we're all afraid of offending someone. There is always someone who could take things the wrong way. Men especially need to keep their opinions to themselves.
Society has always catered to women's sensibilities (which feminists don't want to acknowledge), but now, more and more topics are becoming off limits. If a conversation does arise, blue pillers try to steer it in a way that aligns with the feminist agenda, and incorporate things like "misogyny," "victim blaming," "fat acceptance," you get the picture.
I gained 70+ lbs in 6 months from one of my medications (antipsychotic med). At 5'7, I used to be a healthy 145. I got up to 216 at my highest weight. This devastated me. Not only did I now have a pudgy stomach when previously it used to be flat and toned, my legs were like ham hocks, and I was covered in red, angry stretch marks. I looked in the mirror every morning and burst into tears. I felt so awful about myself that my hatred of my body combined with my self harm tendencies, and I tried to burn/cut off my fat. That's how bad it got.
That's just on the subject of how I felt about myself. As far as physical impediments go, I now get asthma and vertigo when I try to exercise. I went to my doctor and I did prediabetic screening, and was told I needed to watch my blood pressure. I can't do even a fraction of the things I used to do anymore.
I also noticed that men were looking at and approaching me less and less. It went from multiple times a day to zero within a few months. Maybe I'll get a smile here and there because I still have a pleasant face (no double chin, thank god), but still, the idea that my face is the only thing men want to look at is pretty depressing.
I would try to express how I felt to my friends and immediately be shut down. It's so funny, feminists complain all the time about others invalidating their experiences, but it's something they are guilty of doing all the time. My friends would tell me "You're not overweight! You're so beautiful! You don't need to change! You can be healthy at a bigger size! Men are stupid for not wanting to be with you! Don't listen to society's standards! Women don't need to look a certain way to be beautiful!"
...Yeah, I know. I know that they meant well, but all they did was invalidate my experience of being an overweight 21 year old woman who used to be healthy and attractive. They tried to convince me that there was nothing wrong when everything was wrong. I knew what they were saying wasn't true, but at the same time, I wanted oh so badly for someone to tell me I was okay. Guess what happened? None of the weight came off.
Enter the man I was dating recently. We met on a dating app (not Tinder, one that's actually meant for relationships). The one full-body picture I put on my profile was from two years ago. I told myself I uploaded it because it was a nice picture (me in a cute apron holding a pie I baked), but at least part of it was because I wasn't comfortable with anyone seeing what my body looked like now.
He messages me, we hit it off, so we make plans for a date. We meet up, things seem to be fine, until we sit down to eat dinner. He says, "you look a bit different than you did on your profile." I ask him what he meant. He says, "it looks like you've gained weight." I get a sinking feeling in my stomach, but I tell him the truth, that I have gained a lot of weight since that one picture. He says, "you're big, but you're pretty."
My mouth flew open. I had never had someone be so blunt with me about my weight before. (He is not American, and where he's from, it's completely okay to comment on a person's weight. I didn't know this at the time, though.)
Anyway, I burst into tears in the middle of the restaurant and started packing up my things to leave. He stopped me and was very apologetic. He said that he didn't mean to hurt me, and if I'm going to be completely honest with myself, did he say anything that wasn't true?
He then sat me down and told me that he believed I had tremendous potential. He was willing to help me lose the weight. He told me he wants me to go to the gym every day, no excuses.
He is the only person who has motivated me to lose this weight, and has believed in my ability to do so. Everyone else just said that I was fine the way I was. He pushed me to improve, and he made me want to be the best version of myself. I had never met a man who has done that for me, until I met him.
I dragged my feet a bit at first, but I made up my mind that I would lose a significant amount of weight when I went on vacation.
I LOST 7 POUNDS IN TWO WEEKS! I didn't even feel like I was denying myself anything! I just cut down on carbs, loaded up on veggies, and got more active. Pretty simple, but man did it make a difference.
I told my friends about how this guy was motivating me to lose weight, and you know what they said? "Oh my god, he's an asshole, why would he ever say anything about your weight?! That's NOT okay. He should accept you for who you are." When I told them I lost 7 pounds, they were soooo happy for me, but of course, they didn't give him any credit for his role in my losing the weight.
The thing is, we don't want people to accept us for who we are. What if who we are is fat, lazy, unmotivated, etc.? People have the ability to change and improve, and you and your partner should always be striving to be better for yourselves and each other.
When a man is truly honest with you and isn't trying to sugarcoat what he says, thank him. It's a sign of respect. Unlike 90% of other women, he thinks you can handle it. The truth hurts, but you can turn that pain into motivation. That's what I did, and I'm not going to let anyone who thinks that he shouldn't have said anything about my weight stop me. If he hadn't, I would still be complacent and miserable.
He and I needed to go our separate ways, but his honesty changed my life, and that's no exaggeration.
Welcome a man's honesty. Embrace the truth, and move forward with your life with the newfound knowledge you have. You will be a better woman for it.