I've been lurking around here for a while now but never felt the need to post until today. I was reading the discussion about "sigma males" and it's left me feeling horribly confused and unstable.

I am 28, have been in a relationship with a wonderful alpha-type for the last year and a bit. He's attractive, dominant, intelligent, social and we take great care of each other. We have a wonderful, healthy, exciting relationship - things are definitely moving toward marriage and he's made it clear that he wants a family together.

So, I have everything I want, except that I think I am a "sigma widow", if that makes sense. I've had two other serious relationships in my life, both of them with severe sigma types. They both had genius-level intellect, creativity, and this very strange but fascinating worldview and approach to life. Both were near-loners, but out of discipline and selectivity rather than any kind of social inability. In both of these relationships I fulfilled a somewhat different role to a traditional RPW, and was expected to be an asset and "muse" to their work.

The first relationship ended because I could no longer keep up intellectually and didn't provide the kind of inspiration that made me useful to him.

The second relationship I ended because he made it clear that he never wanted marriage or children, and that the idea of any kind of lifelong commitment to one another made no sense to him.

While these relationships lasted, I felt a near-transcendent level of fulfillment and love. I wanted nothing more than to support and serve these strange men and to live up to their impossible standards.

What is the problem?

I am in a wonderful relationship with an amazing RP man, but feel twinges of longing for the intense but unsustainable relationships I've had in the past.

What are your faults? How have you contributed to the creation of these issues?

I allowed myself to fall into relationships that while intellectually and philosophically stimulating, had no chance of progressing into the long-term commitment that I also want. It seems that I crave two things that may be mutually exclusive.

Why do you think this (these) problem(s) manifested?

Hypergamy? Wanting commitment out of a man who by his nature will never commit.

What steps have you already taken to try and resolve the problem?

I adore and admire and deeply respect my SO, and am trying to think of all of the wonderful qualities he has that these other men were lacking. Working on my gratitude and appreciation for him.

How long has this been an issue?

Mildly, since the relationship began. There have been soft feelings of anxiety that I'll grow bored or feel unfulfilled without a "crazy-genius" in my life.

Are you making a mountain out of a mole-hill?

Perhaps. It's hard for me to say if this is a passing feeling, or if it's something that can grow to infect the wonderful relationship that I have.

How's your bedroom life right now? Are you taking care of his needs emotionally and physically?

It's fantastic. Sex is almost daily, exciting and passionate. We take care of each other very well and I often check in with him to see if there's anything else I can do to improve his life.

I'm hoping someone here can give some advice, or shed some light on my situation. Have you been through something similar? Have you dated that "unobtainable man" and then ended up with someone less exciting but more suited to you and your life goals?

Am I doomed??!

Thanks RPW.