Anyone else grinning and bearing through a career while hoping to be a homemaker one day

mara244 · 2020-10-28T15:27:39+00:00

It would be ideal for me but I feel like it is a little unrealistic nowadays. All of the men I have met are either against the idea of a wife not working or they like the idea but can't afford it.

momentsofnicole · 2020-10-28T16:02:32+00:00

I thought that being a SAHM was all I could do.

I ended up becoming a flight attendant (another dream of mine).

I'm married and we have a 3yo.

My airline offered voluntary leaves so that they wouldn't be forced to furlough employees.

Doing the SAHM thing is nice, but I do enjoy making my own money. It's more beneficial to my mental health.

jayda92 · 2020-10-28T16:33:52+00:00

I love my job (I'm a teacher), but I can't wait to do that work from home; with kids I created myself. We are in the lucky position that I can be a SAHM and we don't have to live frugal. My man has a good career, my job will never be a career.

It's also making me realize I need to stop working one day. And I will miss work, definitely. But my priorities will lay at home.

leftajar · 2020-10-28T16:51:22+00:00

If you look at the actual economics of a dual income household, the second wage earner isn't actually making that much extra money.

It requires:

Extra car payment
Extra work clothes
Daycare <--- super expensive
More eating out instead of cooking

Etc. And all of this is paid in after-tax dollars.

For a second wage earner, even if she's earning $50k/year, after taxes and all those expenses, that can literally get chopped down to $20k, or even worse.

And at the cost of, both parents are always tired, have little time for actual parenting, and the household is miserable and not fun.

It's actually a terrible deal, and it's horrible for kids. (Internet search for "negative effects early daycare.") This should never have been normalized, IMO.

IndividualVehicle · 2020-10-28T20:30:11+00:00

I'm a SAHM and I have to tell you, it's not as jolly as people think it is.

LettingHimLead · 2020-10-28T16:09:18+00:00

I think I would have loved being a SAHM. When we started having kids, we were young and not making the money that was needed for me to do it. My career sort of took off, as did his, and now that I could do it, my kids are in middle and high school. And I work from home full time, so I still get to do school drop off and pick up, after school snacks, and hearing about their day. By the time they snack and do homework, I’m off work anyway. There just isn’t a need for me to be a SAHM anymore. I don’t hate my job, but I don’t necessarily love it. I’m in finance, and I know how beneficial the extra income is.

It’s just learning that, just because something doesn’t turn out the way you want it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad. It’s just different.

-sosedka- · 2020-10-28T16:57:35+00:00

I have that feeling too, although I think I only want it for a year and then figure out how to go part time, unsure how to do it in tech though.

nocreativity729 · 2020-10-28T17:54:17+00:00

I’m not grinning and bearing it... I like my work, but I do plan to sit on my money and retire to raise my kids well in my mid 30s. I’ve always had that plan tho. No job is more fun than freedom, and I earn enough that it really doesn’t matter what he’s making by that time. Save. Your. Money.

fuckoffyoudipshit · 2020-10-28T17:25:11+00:00

Thanks to no fault divorces and biased family courts no man in his right mind is going to want a SAHW because when the inevitable divorce hits him like a ton of bricks he gets to support her for the rest of (statistically most likely) his life.

To be clear: it is absolutely reasonable to expect that but thanks to no fault divorces it's just as easily a tool to have a guys money without having to keep him around.

Now of course not all women will do this. Lord knows not all women do this. That's why I find this sub so refreshing. But under the current circumstances every woman can absolutely destroy a man. You know what they say: the one that divorces you is never the one you married.

So please try to have more empathy for the men because getting married to a SAHM can bite a guy in the ass to the point of suicide so don't expect men to be all gung ho about the idea. Understand that men have interests too and the SAHM gig is not in any mans interest these days.

Also remember that, with few exceptions, women get to make that choice. Men almost never get to make that choice. For us it's almost always the provider role.

So that's my two cents, the perspective of a man in a long-term relationship who is confronted with precisely these very questions.

LocalReligionMajor · 2020-10-28T16:26:13+00:00

Lol, that's me! (Well, I'm in my last semester of college, but still). Planning on supporting my future husband through law school next year. Then, hopefully, I'll get pregnant, and leave my job after having the baby.

FluffyLlamaPants · 2020-10-28T16:56:07+00:00

That ship, unfortunately had sailed for me, so it'll just have to remain a dream I didn't get to live. It'll be just a meaningless carreer grind until retirement for me. And by carreer I'm talking about whatever job that pays the bills and is not too horrible to wake up to. C'est la vie.

It's alright, I have other dreams to fall back on.

Whoever makes it though - hope it gives you what you were looking for, cherish that place.

PearlSunrise · 2020-10-28T17:48:24+00:00

Me! I've told my boss that I plan to stay at home after my darling and I have kids and she laughed it off. Told me that marriage was a miserable mistake and that every day I would get home and sit in my car longer and longer to avoid going home to my kids.

I like working, I like learning and being engaged in such a detail oriented environment-- but I will NEVER tell anyone at work more about my dreams after that response.

I am planning on leaving work shortly after we get married, and her response really solidified my choice to grin and bear it through work up until it's time to go.

Anybody else have a similar situation with their boss? How are you handling it?

secret_4ever13 · 2020-10-29T00:40:55+00:00

I'm have grinded through my career till now and think about possibility of being a SAHM. However, I took a break last yr due to family emergency and to be honest, it feels bad to ask other people for money. I was not able to shop, enjoy nice drinks because I couldn't ask my family to pay (didn't had much savings). So, I have decided that I'll get in a field where WFH is possible long term and eventually create my office at home. But yes, I don't wanna loose my income, it can decrease, but never be null.

transdermalcelebrity · 2020-10-29T03:22:06+00:00

I guess I am a good luck story. I had a career until I was 31. I had been with my spouse since we were 18, but we didn’t get married until 25. Then it was my career and him going back to school for something that pays well. Once we were ready to have kids, we also paired that with a cross country move that we had been wanting for a long time. Once we settled in our new place, he started work and I became a housewife and eventually SAHM.

The learning curve was hard (how to get it all done) and I do far more at home than I ever did in my big city career. We’re comfortable (not rich) now but the early days were definitely difficult. The benefits to our daughter have been without question, so we all consider it exactly the lifestyle for us. But it’s definitely not sitting on a sofa, eating bon bons and planning picnics and tailgaters.

Internetmomo · 2020-10-28T16:25:26+00:00

I don’t know how I ended in this sub but I want to add my two cents. I make 5x what my boyfriend makes (I work in tech and he’s a musician) and it’s pretty dang awesome. He cooks and cleans, makes me a smoothie every morning, makes sure that I can always get to and from my errands because I don’t drive. Maybe I’m a reverse red piller because I could get used to having a SAHH lol, is there a sub for that?!

Princess_Medusa · 2020-10-28T21:42:49+00:00

I actually have the privileges of having a partner that could support me being a SAHM and being very well off financially myself from a family standpoint. However, I also have the privilege of having a real passion for my "career" which is material science. A little dream of mine is to become a university professor one day.

My partner would generally like to have me as a SAHM, but he knows that I need to be intellectually challenged to be happy, so the consensus would be working at university part time (I already work at university while studying) at least when the baby is little.

We're also actually trying for a baby, because our best time to have a child is probably now, because I've been studying extremely quickly (in order to save up time to have a child as early as possible) and in my country, having a child in university gives you a bunch of benefits with virtually no downsides.

I'm fairly positive that this is the best mix of my career and being a SAHM that's possible, because I can freely choose when I work my hours, which lectures I attend and which exams I take and with the time that I saved up, I can have a bunch of extra time for my child if I need it.

healthyelegant · 2020-10-29T19:35:36+00:00

TW Loss: This is me 100%. I have no interest in work, but I have to keep face until we have a baby. The sad part is I was so damn close. I was supposed to be done in January 2021, but we unfortunately lost our son who was born at 21 weeks just 6 weeks ago. I just started back up at work this week and it's so upsetting. I begged my husband to just let me quit, but mentally I'm able to work and I have nothing else to do, so I'm just going to keep pegging on and hope we conceive our rainbow soon.

2020-10-28T15:33:04+00:00

Working extra hard so you can take care of your kids with or without a man >>>

Lately I’ve realized that I probably won’t get the life I want but that doesnt mean I need to be 50/50 and miserable. I would rather be alone than with a bad man. And my family will always be around to help. It’s my calling as a woman to raise good progeny and I’m not going to let men get in the way of that.

tirednurse969 · 2020-10-28T18:25:45+00:00

[removed]

-ladykitsune- · 2020-10-28T21:47:13+00:00

I would be what you consider one of those ‘career’ women. I’ll be honest I don’t enjoy the corporate environment, but I need the stability of my pay check. I used to be an artist and boy I can tell you not knowing when your next commission is and living the boho life was even more stressful to me.

While I would love it to one day start a family with a HVM, I would not want to be a SAHM, at least not permanently. I wouldn’t want to be financially dependent on someone else for the rest of my life, only for the first few years of my children’s lives.

Having a higher salary than average means that my dating pool is a lot narrower, because I want a man who makes similar money to me. I’m approaching my 30s and realise that as my salary climbs, the number of guys I consider eligible drop. I’ve (mostly) accepted that I’ll probably end up alone for the rest of my life.

But in my ideal world, I’ll start a family with a HVM and stay at home for the first few years of our children’s lives. Once my children start school I want to rejoin the workforce. Probably not as a high stress level job as the one I’m currently in. But it’s important to me that I make my own money. Stability is my core value, and I can’t feel stable or secure if I’m dependent on someone else.

aussiedollface2 · 2020-10-29T23:34:07+00:00

I always think a woman should have a back up plan financially in case things go south! So it’s good to have a passion and a career/qualification outside of the marriage. Just my 2c xoxox

alpacaapril · 2020-10-30T12:55:49+00:00

I feel the same. I would choose a career path suited for leaving when kids are on the way. I never accepted a man, who would send me to work with (small) children at home. But in case of emergency my education is timeless and useful and I could have a job again when my children are older, leave the house :)

My grandmother is a SAHW since she is 20. Of course, their wealth grew over the decades, too. But she once calculated for me how having one staying at home is actually saving more money than 2 people working. In the end, 2 people working can have more material luxury but they have less freetime and less time with their children. (And time is money.)

BlueSteamedBunAttack · 2020-11-14T17:01:22+00:00

Me! But I already talked with my bf and he agreed to it, we are working very hard towards it :)

withwhimsyandgrace · 2020-10-28T23:52:07+00:00

I know some will say being a SAHW or SAHM is not realistic in our current times, but it is doable if you and your (future) husband have the right priorities. My husband and I didn’t live together before getting married, and I had a career and was college-educated, but I stopped working when we got married so we never were accustomed to the lifestyle that having two incomes can bring. We both drive modest vehicles, live in a modest but safe and family-friendly community, and I homeschool our oldest son. We don’t do expensive yearly trips, our son doesn’t do expensive sports/extracurricular activities, and we don’t do expensive outings or eat out. It’s so worth it to be home though and the biggest blessing to watch your kids grow ☺️

IcarusKiki · 2020-10-28T18:32:35+00:00

Nah I’m actually really like working at my current internship (a zoo!). But I would never want to live to climb the corporate ladder.

RiseAndPanic · 2020-10-28T18:50:38+00:00

I have mixed feelings on this. While I think it’s ideal to have at least one parent at home during the kids’ younger years (whether that’s the mom or the dad), I’ve seen the SAHM thing backfire super badly in my own family. In each case the husband is abusive or cheats and the wife has no career, prospects, or money to fall back on so she feels forced to stay. Now maybe this is a vetting issue but either way, I absolutely don’t want that to be my reality. I have a solid career trajectory currently and one that is thankfully flexible when it comes to hours and working from home, so this shouldn’t be an issue when kids are in the picture.

Anyway, I think unless your husband makes a ton of money or you live in a low cost/rural area, being a SAHM just isn’t as realistic as it used to be.

Title	Anyone else grinning and bearing through a career while hoping to be a homemaker one day
Author	Grand-Parking8916
Upvotes	189
Comments	84
Date	October 28, 2020 3:11 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/anyone-else-grinning-and-bearing-through-a-career.322885 https://theredarchive.com/post/322885
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/jjpjyl/anyone_else_grinning_and_bearing_through_a_career/