Back to the basics - women are the gatekeepers of sex

Back to the basics - men are the gatekeepers of commitment

Back to the basics - value


Value within the SMP

As explained in the posts liked above, men and women value different things within each other. In many ways, we value opposite things. Hypergamy is a description of the female biological value system.

Men have an infinite supply of sperm and ejaculation of sperm is relatively easy. A young and healthy woman gives the sperm the best chance to succeed and become a healthy child. Thus, the male biological sexual desire is to have a lot of sex with young beautiful women. Men need quantity over quality and physical attractiveness over emotional connection or any other element within the relationship. This doesn't mean that men don't value the emotional connection, men who seek out a LTR most definitely do value the emotional connection very much! What this does mean is that the pathway to the emotional is through the physical. It also means - if he had to choose one over the other, he'd likely choose the physical.

Women have a finite amount of eggs which keep diminishing as time passes. Insemination of an egg is not an easy feat nor is it a simple one. Many things need to line up just so for insemination to occur. Thus, the female biological sexual desire is to be extremely choosy in the selection of a mate and to value quality sex over quantity. She needs to choose the best man she can get, and the sex itself needs to be at the best time of the month. She has no need for men of lesser sexual quality nor does she need sex outside ovulation time. Thus, her sexual desire for these people/during these times is either greatly reduced or nonexistent.

Sexual dynamics

Whoever decided that sex and marriage was "equal", like two people standing side by side in unison - did a major disservice to millions of people! This mindset brought about much confusion, heartache and disappointment. It continues to confuse, disappoint and break hearts to this very day.

The traditional sex position is missionary. This is because it best expresses the natural union between husband and wife. He is on top in a downward motion towards her, she is on bottom in an upward motion towards him, they unite in the middle.

Indeed, men date down, marry down and have sex down. Because the male sexual desire is to have as much sex as possible with as many women as possible, that's why men don't need much in a woman. The default is for the woman to be attractive. The exception is for her to be unattractive by being hideous in some way. If you aren't hideous, he wants to have sex with you even if he can't stand your company. How good a person you are only factors in from a RMV perspective.

OTOH, women date up, marry up and have sex up. Because of the high risks involved, the woman needs to make sure to get it right. She needs the highest, best, strongest, smartest man possible. Even once she found him, her desire for him is not a constant and not a given. It's like a flame which needs constant fuel, otherwise it's extinguished. The default is for the woman to find the man unattractive, the exception is to find that one man attractive.

Hypergamy

We can now understand hypergamy. Hypergamy is when a better male presents himself after the selection of the current male. The female urge is to abandon the current man in favor of the better man.

This is usually extremely destructive for everyone involved. Here are some of the endless possible examples.

  1. After swinging to the new branch (man), she realizes that this branch wasn't as sturdy as it seemed. The devastation caused by abandoning the first branch caused that branch to no longer be available to hold onto. Thus, she falls off the tree entirely, gets a big bruise and has to start again from the bottom with lowered SMV.

  2. Even if the new guy is truly better, if the current guy is good, why ruin a good thing? If you treat your man as a disposable thing, it will be bad for your marriage.

  3. Giving into the urge for hypergamy lowers your own SMV and utterly obliterates your RMV. It may seem like you're just moving up the sexual latter, but to men you're a disloyal, untrustworthy, backstabbing bitch.

The essence of this desire is to select the best mate. This is good. However, once the best mate is selected, this same instinct becomes harmful and destructive.

The question is often asked - if a hotter, younger woman presents herself to him, won't he want to trade me in for her? The answer is no, not if he's happy with you. He may desire her in addition to you, but he'll only want to trade you in for a newer model if you become a turnoff for him physically, emotionally or mentally.

Conclusion

Hypergamy is a byproduct of the necessity for women to be choosy in their mate selection, valuing quality in sex over quantity. This instinct is extremely valuable in mate selection and highly destructive once your mate was selected.

The desire for more, bigger and better is an insatiable, infinite desire that can never be fulfilled. A wise woman will redirect this desire towards her husband, renewing her commitment to him with extra passion and vigor.

Cheers!