~ archived since 2018 ~

Being looked down on because you are a well kept feminine woman, anyone ever been there?

November 18, 2019

I live rural. Women here are drink beer with the guys, curse, yell, hunt types. I have absolutely no care to be like that. I also have no care to tell these types how to be. I'm kind of a "to each their own" type of person. If it makes you happy and is healthy then I don't care. Personally I am into makeup, hair, dress, cleaning, cooking, nurturing, planning. Traditional things, and I won't be sorry for it. Something I find alot of joy in, something that makes me feel good every morning. Not out of insecurity, but I find these activities calming and peaceful. They are not chores to me. I feel like every day I can make my face and outfit a piece of art, and that makes the creative part of me smile! I'll give you some examples of the stupid little comments that are just others making fun of me for keeping up my appearance.

The backhanded compliments from other moms, "you always look so nice, I don't care that much so I wear sweats, no one to impress here!" Ok, Barb, I'm not sitting there making comments about your attire to make you feel dumb for dressing up. I don't judge you.

"You were just hired because you were the prettiest." - former co worker. Whether or not true, I was well qualified. I was good at my job and enjoy being well kept. I don't see how that diminishes my education or experience. It even made me second guess myself, and cut off all my hair. I regret. I loved my hair.

Also at old job, "Ms. Company I used to work for" Alluding to the fact that I was dressed up and wore makeup everyday. I was called this often, framed as a joke, but co workers seemed to act like I was some insane vain woman who couldn't function without makeup.

I just don't get it. There's more. Why am I not allowed to look nice in today's society without catching hell. My boyfriends loves how I am, says I am one of the classiest people he's ever met my age. I love it. I just wish people could give me the same courtesy and let me be my girly self.

TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill content, including various subreddits and blogs. This post has been archived from the subreddit /r/RedPillWomen.

/r/RedPillWomen archive

Download the post

Want to save the post for offline use on your device? Choose one of the download options below:

Post Information
Title Being looked down on because you are a well kept feminine woman, anyone ever been there?
Author ChuckYouFarleigh
Upvotes 163
Comments 44
Date November 18, 2019 11:33 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]PrincessTeex154 points155 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Just accept it and use it against them lol.

“No-one to impress here” - “Aww, I impressed you?”. “You were hired because you’re the prettiest” - “Aww you really think I’m pretty? Thank you!”

Who cares what other people think? They’re just projecting their own insecurities onto you.

[–]DelightfulDanni37 points38 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This really is a great way to respond. I've gotten comments similar to yours about my choices, and the best way I've gotten people to leave me alone was to basically agree with them. Things like

"Wow must be so nice to have the time to dress up." I say "it really is!" Or "it must be nice to have the money for that expensive makeup" So I've said "I am thankful and fortunate."

Eventually people realized that they couldn't get a rise out of me that way and stopped the back handed compliments

[–]EosMermaidGoddess10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You're a woman of class! :D I'm going to use these!

[–]30StarStellar1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

A rare thing now-a-days, happy to see a resurgence!

[–]covfefeismydrug41 points42 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I live in the rural midwest and felt self conscious about wearing a flannel skirt on Saturday. I did it though, because I wanted to and I like looking dressed up. Everyone around here is very casual, which is fine, too. I actually got two compliments out and about, though, and it encouraged me to be my own “trendsetter.”

You do you!

[–]ChuckYouFarleigh[S] 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Rural midwest as well!

[–]healthyelegant14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It must just be a thing in the midwest to act less feminine! I felt this way in high school too! Everyone made fun of you if you showed up dressed up or wore anything different than the normal tshirt or hoodie with jeans. I was one of the first girls to get skinny jeans when they came out and got a lot of flack for it! Low and behold two years later they are all wearing them because flair jeans went out of style.

[–]Banincoming34 points35 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

They sound like the crab bucket people.

[–]powerpuffgirl35 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

OMG! I haven't heard anyone say this since I was little. Thank you. Thank you. They are crabby people.

[–]melitele351 points52 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I can definitely relate to all of the things you have described here.

First of all it is a very common thing that has been studied that women tend to be very hostile towards attractive girls.

An attractive, smart and well kept woman is definitely very desired and on a high position in a “dating market”. Since other women subconsciously see this as a threat, they will try to make you feel bad about yourself so you stop caring and conform to their standards so that you aren’t a “threat” anymore. If you have strong personality and won’t give in, the gossips about you to ruin your reputation or diminish your success will surely start.

I don’t think going on a war with them will do you any good.

My advice is - heads up! Be proud of yourself. Don’t apologize for things that should not be apologized for. Do what makes you happy. After all you will be the one who is the winner and they simply know it. Living in constant anger and frustration or denial will age you fast and it will put off any person from you.

Living in rural place it isn’t easy. But think about it? Maybe there is a girl who likes those things just like you but she was tamed down? Maybe you will give an example to your community and after some time women around you (at least some of them) will feel inspired by you?

I remember I was very disliked for those very reasons in my village. I always heard nasty comments. But one day group of smaller girls came to me in shop and they said: oh you are so gorgeous! We wish we could have a sleepover with you so you can share your secrets! You are our inspiration! And that... was amazing to hear. So think of it maybe even as a mission as well?

Let’s beautify the world :)

[–]hopefulalbatross28 points29 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

It’s always uncomfortable. It’s not hate against me but someone projecting their own insecurities which sucks. A lady at work complimented me on my dress and said she doesn’t deserve to Wear such nice things. :(

[–]pennynotrcutt17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Awwww. That makes me so sad.

[–]powerpuffgirl36 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That is such a sad thing for her to say about herself.

[–]FlyingSexistPig24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

They don't look down on you. They envy you.

[–]i-am-the-prize25 points26 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

“... Crab mentality, also known as crabs in a bucket (also barrel, basket, or pot) mentality, is a way of thinking best described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither can you".[1] The metaphor is derived from a pattern of behavior noted in crabs when they are trapped in a bucket. While any one crab could easily escape,[2] its efforts will be undermined by others, ensuring the group's collective demise.[3][4][5]

The analogy in human behavior is claimed to be that members of a group will attempt to reduce the self-confidence of any member who achieves success beyond the others, out of envy, resentment, spite, conspiracy, or competitive feelings, to halt their progress.[6][7][8][9]...”

Translation: keep being wonderful and forget all those bitches.

[–]jessica_311219 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ignore them. They must be really unhappy/insecure to make those comments. If it makes YOU happy, then it’s all it counts.

[–]giza_rohi18 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It’s projecting and jealousy, sadly

[–]AnnaAerials1 Star2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just keep doing you and ignore those haters. I'm more on the sloppy side: nothing but yoga pants and t-shirts here. But I'm not judging. If you like dressing up and being feminine, you should! Life is hard enough. We should all do what we can to be more comfortable and happy :)

[–]pet_every_dog6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don’t change yourself to please others. A lot of girls like to talk trash and put others down. Sometimes it’s teasing other times it’s to make themselves feel better.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Keeping a nice figure, taking care of yourself, doing your makeup, and putting together a cute outfit all require skills and effort. Our society today tries to get away with as little effort as possible.

These women are insecure and feel bad about themselves. They don't like seeing another woman take care of herself because it emphasizes their own lack of effort. I would just ignore them. Bask in the jealousy! :P

[–]icanbingsu6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s their self defense mechanism to help them avoid their insecurities. As long as no one is physically aggressive towards you or does anything to impede you, ignore the snide comments. They’ll get over it at some point. Or never! But that’s not your problem. I hope they come around though. I hope your hair grows back fast!

[–]StrawberryCake881 Star4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s them feeling less than. You hold a mirror to their own faults. It can happen with any positive attribute.

[–]Sobinia5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I can totally relate to this. Once I started applying redpill principles to my daily life, my mother immediately tried to put me down. I went on a diet? I'm anorexic! I put on a dress, let my hair loose and stopped wearing dirty rags? I dress up like a whore and am TOTALLY doing that to get the attention of men and sleep with them! I started cooking for myself? The dishes aren't clean after 5 minutes of cooking! How dare I take things from the fridge without her permission?! Luckily, I only need to live with her until April.

[–]TheBunk_TB4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Without using the "haters hate" trope?, I wanted to mention that many people sneer at what they aren't willing to do themselves if it requires work or is way outside of their knowledge/comfort zone. Many people would rather be slovenly (or in many cases "hambeasts"). It is easier to criticize and do the crabs in a bucket thing. People that have value for your actions appreciate what you do.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Look, you have your values, others have theirs. Of course everyone thinks their own values are superior, so everyone kind of looks down on people that are too different from themselves.

The issue here is subtle rudeness. Act as if they are genuine compliments like PrincessTeex said.

[–]FreeToBeTired2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Rural Midwest here too. I honestly wish I had the guts to dress up more. Unfortunately my job is is ag and if I dress nice I don’t get acknowledged by my clients or coworkers. I just dress up at home.

[–]ChuckYouFarleigh[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My new job is in a traditionally male field, I struggle. I love dressing up. It would be different if I wasn't so affected by it that I chopped of ALL my hair 😦

[–]LateralThinker134 Stars2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Simplest answer is this: "Bitches be jealous."

No more confusing than that. You do you, and consider the haters' criticisms as badges of honor.

[–]Neuroentropic_Force2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

People behave this way because they are either insecure or jealous, or both. All of these comments reflect on them and not you. I'd remember that, feel bad for them for being so miserable, and move on with life. Use that kinds of behavior as a way to see who is and who isn't worth your time.

[–]WildernessGirl2472 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I live way out in the country and work from home. I put on a little makeup and style my hair everyday. I workout and lift weights, I care about how I look. I also put on mud boots and do yard work, and look like a Tomboy when I am doing out door chores. You wouldn’t know it if you saw me out for dinner with my husband! My husband will tell you I am very much feminine in the ways that are important. I have never regarded the remarks from other’s about my femininity, I don’t really care what others think. I take care of myself for me! Don’t let lazy people whom have no concern for their appearance bother you, they are Jealous of you and feel the need to try to bring you down to make themselves feel better.

[–]ChuckYouFarleigh[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is exactly how I am. I actually enjoying helping with ranch chores, but if I'm not going to be out working I really prefer to be dressed and smell nice lol

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you are going to go against the grain where you live be prepared to stand out. The comments that people are making are not particularly unkind.

I think women feel insecure when they see another woman made up all the time because they feel like you are holding them to that standard. Just say "you do you" and leave it at that.

[–]vintagegirlgame1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My philosophy is that a woman can never be overdressed if she knows how to work her personal style. I work on stage so I’m usually the most overdressed person at the venue so it feels natural for me. My makeup is pretty simple but I like expressing my style in what I wear. If someone were to judge me from the outside I want their judgement to actually be spot on!

Since I travel a lot I like the challenge of different settings/cities/occasions/activities. There’s a way to look put together even for informal occasions. If I’m going to the gym I like to have color coordinated exercise clothes. Going for a hike, I’ll wear a comfortable yet stylish outfit like I’m in a magazine. Even my hiking boots are super feminine. I don’t indulge in the whole instamodel thing but I like to look the part anyway.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link


[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Don't pet the unicorn

[–]riskitit2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sorry, can't resist

[–]nevomintoarce1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

People don't like seeing other people put in work because it exposes the lack of effort that they're putting in. Ultimately, this means that you make them feel bad about themselves because you remind them that they're lazy.

[–]powerpuffgirl30 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for your post. I needed this today.

[–]cmj870 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm really sorry you are experiencing this. & I don't have any advice, you could probably be a role model for me. I just started to let myself look sorta slovenly to blend in so that they would leave me the hell alone. It is a lot. I don't get people at all sometimes. But I definitely want to go back to being completely put together a majority of the time. Deep down inside I felt the most secure even if I was being negged to death.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link


[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I actually agree with this. A lot of women in today's society struggle with an internalized hatred or fear of what is deemed traditionally feminine. This is something I've noticed in myself in the past and my social circle for sure.

I would definitely handle these people like u/PrincessTeex suggested or in the fashion mentioned above, just telling people that this is how you prefer to present yourself and move on. Live your life, girl.

[–]Eugenius6660 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

YOU are the one doing things the right way. YOU are the normal one, just remember that. We live in upside-down times. Thank you for being an embodiment of the ideal...a shining example for others, and remember the younger ones looking up to you as well. Breath of fresh air.

[–]ShawtySayWhaaat0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

just ignore them, they're lowkey jealous that you look better, and smell better. Misery loves company.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2023. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter