Hi Gals,

As the name suggests I am a Blue Pill Professor in Liberal Arts who just stumbled on the Red Pill literature.

I am married but our relationship has been very poor, very low energy, very low sex, for many years due to a structural imbalance- she makes a LOT of money, I have been in school making NO money. Funny how that works- irrespective of me earning a PhD AND playing house husband, butler at the same time. Whatever.

I have read all of Athol's material and am trying to implement the Mindful Attraction Plan in my life and I have to say the techniques work so well I am (almost) terrified but I am nevertheless having a difficult time accepting all of this.

When I am loving and kind with my wife, when I consider her feelings and treat her with respect, when I call her at work just to hear about her day, she holds me in contempt. She starts arguments, belittles me, speaks disrespectfully, contradicts me in front of the children etc. Then when I get into a fight with her- when I am (what I consider) rude to her, put her in her place, calmly read her the riot act and basically slap her down as I would one of my students with an idiotic position she responds with immediate resistance and often with raging anger. BUT invariably that night we usually have awesome sex! After the fight she sucks up to me like my dog.

My problem is I WANT a woman I can treat with respect. I feel badly when I treat my wife (what I see as) badly. This has robbed my sleep for weeks even though the sex frequency has GREATLY increased to (almost) tolerable levels. (Yes I read No More Mr. Nice Guy as well so thanks ahead of time).

I never learned "game" and never used it because I was attached and now married so never thought I would have to use it. Despite the success this remains so confusing and frustrating. I can do some gaming fairly well: I don't have a problem with rude sexual jokes, sexualizing the marriage and relationship, or talking openly about hot young girls in my classes or her friends I would like to screw so there is that. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTANT WHY I have to put down, criticize and belittle the woman I love before she will want to have sex!

I am really pissed off at the world, at women, at God, for the DECADES that I was lied too and deceived and the DECADES of living in a near sexless marriage.

So OK, I have found the sexual triggers now and understand the rules of attraction (strong cave man does what he wants...man blazes trail...woman can follow I don't care....woman gets wet...I get it) but I cannot stop thinking about whether it is better to use my new knowledge (and skills) to warm up the old cold wife or forge out on my own hunting fresh game without the baggage, the YEARS of denials, disrespect, rudeness, and everything else.

Obviously I thought this was better directed over here than on RP. Can somebody offer advice on digesting the Red Pill for a natural (albeit quite minor) Alpha reduced to Betatude by marriage to a strong overachiever?