As the title, and me being MIA, suggest my SO and I did decide to go our separate ways. There were multiple reasons on both sides to our mutual (well, it is but more so on my end) ending. He is and has been a very high risk significant other, which I was as well in the beginning for different reasons. He cared for me in the ways he knew, he made me grow in ways that were oblivious to me when we were together but are now disgustingly obvious as I live alone and have been reintroduced to the "real world" and quite frankly there has never been (not even "family") one person who has gone the lengths he has to see me grow. I still respect and love him, I always will. These feelings of being right for each other are mutual still, but the timing, our directions in life, not getting our very serious NEEDS for our personalities met consistently and HUGE insecurities were the killing of our relationship. I feel the insecurities and the needs of our internal relationship were the #1 cause. This wasn't some rushed decision I made to leave either. There were plenty of chances on each side for improvement, but we both took advantage of the personal improvements vs improving that and our relationship (which is why the insecurities were high).

It's been about 2 months. I did not feel as though I could come back to RPW and continue posting when such a big change happened and I truly needed to have some breathers before coming back. I didn't know how it would feel reading some of the amazing things you all do for your men, and I didn't know if I would miss it or just become bitter because I did that and it never seemed to be appreciated on even a somewhat consistent basis.

I know some of you may ask what insecurities or needs weren't being met.. I have those answers too. As far as insecurities it was largely on his side. I am humble, but I am a very pretty girl and I receive a lot of attention. This was the main downfall I think. He was never, ever secure enough to see that I was only his and only wanted to be his. He had a comment about everything and often at times made me feel guilty for things that were out of my control. I don't wear a lot of makeup, I don't dress insane where it's attention grabbing, I try to be low key in all areas because (news flash) I don't like being watched everywhere I go by different people. I could leave the house in pjs and still get something said to me, he's seen it first hand so this isn't me sitting here playing the victim. The insecurity of my looks never, ever went away for him.

Our relationship needs, the emotional ones, weren't being met either. As I said our intimacy started dwindling. I would walk around naked at the end to see if I could get anything and it was always nothing. At 23, that was NOT what I wanted especially due to how high of a drive I have. Now that I've moved out whenever I see him he's 100% ready, and that to me is a slap in the face. He also WANTS to talk to me 100% more now that I've left too. I still go over there and clean his house, we go out to dinners all the time still and I've even started paying the bill at some just to show him it's my treat and I'm being nice, but I do feel as though he doesn't appreciate that I still go out of my way to do these little things when I don't have too. I still feel as though he doesn't see how pure my respect or love for him as who he is will always be. I do not want to feel that with my life partner, and these are problems that I did feel were not being taken seriously as I was there. I could either live in complacency or go after what I NEED.

Long story short.. It's over and confusing. I plan on moving to the other side of the country after the new year to restart and be out of a state where he will always know what I'm doing when he would never give me the respect to truly be his anyway. This will give me a fresh outlook on life, which I need right now, and let me really decide where I want to go from here.