I'm a follower and poster of this sub on my normal account, but I wanted to use this throwaway for privacy.
My husband and I are both 27 year olds. We met when we were 22 and married at 24. We always talked about starting a family and so I thought he was family oriented. I ended up pregnant a year ago. He was happy about the idea of our first baby at first. But later on he said we can't keep it and can't afford it, and already set up an obgyn appointment for an abortion. I really didn't want to go through with it, but I felt helpless and was made to feel stupid for saying I wanted to have the baby. My whole experience at the obgyn was awful. The clinic my husband chose was Mandarin-Chinese speaking, with staff and customers who spoke little to no English. I'm not Chinese and don't speak a lick of Mandarin, so my husband did all the talking for me and the doctors payed little attention to me.
I didn't forget it once it was all over. The opposite. I beat myself up for being a coward who failed to stand up for my child and myself. I find it hard to forgive my husband. He doesn't seem to have an ounce of guilt. He tried to "comfort" me by mentioning that his mother had THREE abortions and it's no big deal, bringing up the tired old "it's a clump of cells" baloney. When I try to picture myself with kids in the future, the first baby is always going to be in my mind and the thought that he/she wasn't given the love the others are is heartbreaking. At this point I doubt my husband and I would ever be good parents.
After searching online for coping with post-abortion depression, I came across a lot of information. I happened to stumble across "red pill". To be honest, this all sparked a quarter life crisis in me a month before my 27th birthday (which was also around the time the baby would've been due). I'm no longer a young lady. I just approached the last few years of my childbearing prime. It was the perfect time to start a family. There's so much toxicity in the air but I don't like the idea of being another divorce statistic. Aside from this mess, I truly felt my husband was special and my soulmate. In that case, is there some hope in working things out, yet on the other hand I feel foolish. I know his apathy to the situation is mostly based on ignorance from a society that says abortion is no big deal and just another simple "choice" like getting a haircut. Is there a way of getting him to understand my point of view, or is this marriage doomed?