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Cautionary tale of hypergamy

February 20, 2020

Coworker opened her relationship with her husband so they could both ‘experience more.’ Lo and behold, her side partner passed on gonorrhea to her and now they all have it.

Not trying to say that being monogamous ALWAYS protects us these kinds of emotionally and physically upsetting situations, but... it helps. This anecdote definitely shut down some hamstery feelings I’ve been having lately and made me appreciate being monogamous/married to my husband for a combined 8 years.

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Post Information
Title Cautionary tale of hypergamy
Author sourbeerisbest
Upvotes 115
Comments 49
Date February 20, 2020 11:05 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link
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[–]whatdidshewrite109 points110 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Seems like more of a “cautionary tale of unsafe sex”

[–][deleted]  (5 children) | Copy Link


[–]fosho_away26 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Side partner needs to get ousted! But all this is exactly why poly is so messy and extra

[–]curious_girl_5[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No kidding...

[–]sometimesibritney46 points47 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Omgosh I would never tell my coworkers these types of things. Sounds like she has an issue with boundaries.

[–]EnemyAsmodeus-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Honesty should never be discouraged.

If there was no shame, secrecy, privacy, or disgust associated with such STDs they'd be treated a lot faster.

e.g. Gonorrhea is curable. It is just bacteria and there's medication. And you can get it from a monogamous relationship too (or at least so you think it's monogamous).

Only these are incurable: hepatitis B, herpes, HIV, HPV

[–]sometimesibritney15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for the info, dude, but I’m a nurse. Talking about having a side piece while married is not something you talk to coworkers about. Go ask any HR personnel and I think they’ll tell you that.

[–]novacanelipstick8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is not hypergamy. This is polyamory. Hypergamy is when someone marries another person of a higher socio-economic background than themselves.

[–]TheZenrich8845 points46 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

That is such a desperate move . Just be single if you want to do that crap ,it doesn’t do nothing for couples . It’s either they re indifferent/neutral/lukewarm about one another or they re absolutely desperate not to be single .

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]ettins61928 points29 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Thats why open relationship will always not work! She didn't check if he was ecen clean doing it RAW even though she's literally married. Promiscuity will always lead you to disaster. Karma is a bitch

[–]rosesonthefloor14 points15 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I mean.... I wouldn’t really call this a “cautionary tale of hypergamy.” It sounds more like they just didn’t vet the side partner very well.

My opinion is to each their own. All I’m going to say is that when I went to the Desire couples resort with my boyfriend (which caters to those in the “lifestyle”) we were surrounded by absolutely lovely couples who loved each other very very much, and who respected other couples’ boundaries explicitly.

Obviously you’re going to get a few bad eggs in the lot, as with any group of people, but I wouldn’t say that their desire to explore other things is inherently bad. What works for one couple may not work for another, and that’s okay.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link


[–]rosesonthefloor3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Definitely! Especially since those scenarios revolve primarily around sex, inevitably there will be lots of “thirds” or side partners that aren’t trustworthy, and do present risks as you’ve said, because they’re not looking for commitment, but more the fun side of things.

[–]LateralThinker134 Stars0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

In my experience, marriages that start out poly end up fine. But opening up marriages almost always destroys them.

[–]curious_girl_5[🍰] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Coworker recently opened her relationship with her husband so they could both ‘experience more.’

I don't feel sorry for anyone who "wants" to try an open relationship/marriage, then they figure out it doesn't work or they deal with some BS like this...

My advice? I would be avoiding this co-worker like the plague. I mean do not even talk to her about your personal life. I avoid people like this as much as I can. You start to "friend" this woman, you will turn into a loser just like her.

Avoid and move on.

[–]IWantToHelpSometimes1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

What does her husband think of the gonorrhea he got from her?

Also, what kind of hamstery feelings are you talking about?

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]IWantToHelpSometimes0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Most STDs are treatable but are never permanently cured.

I understand. Has your husband only been with you as well?

[–]ColomarOlivia1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Same happened to my friend who has an “open marriage”. Gonorrhea. If you’re sleeping around at least use condoms so you don’t expose your partner to unnecessary danger. Idk how people can trust strangers so easily. Heard horrible stories of married people catching HIV from their partners. Those people have no self love and no respect for their partners neither. I’m single, I have casual sex a few times and I use condoms no matter what. It doesn’t matter if I’m on the pill, it doesn’t matter if he got a vasectomy done. STIs exist.

[–]bsutansaltTRP Founding Fathers2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The cautionary tale will be that relationships that start out closed and later get opened almost never work out long-term.

[–]jonmarli1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nonmonogamy is definitely riskier. Anyone who argues otherwise is just not cool with the definition of risk. I think it is fair to say that red pill would then inform women to stick to less risky relationships and be monogamous. Fortunately, red pill is a "tool box", and not laws. If we want to accept additional risk into our lives we can! Personally, I value the freedom of ethical nonmonogamy, even when I don't act on it or have other partners. Does it strike me as red pill friendly? As the easiest, lowest risk relationship framework? No. But easy and low risk are not the only stars that guide my ship.

I don't really talk about it here because although you can apply RPW ideas to ethical nonmonogamy, there are some fundamental incompatibilities and I respect that my preference is not ideal for the majority of couples. Still, my husband and I have a safe, respectful, stable, loving relationship that we both find rewarding. And we're nonmonogamous. So it works for us!

[–]ANIKAHirsch0 points1 point  (29 children) | Copy Link


Serves her well.

[–]Pola_Lita1 point2 points  (28 children) | Copy Link

You're seriously GLAD this happened to someone you don't even know?

[–]ANIKAHirsch0 points1 point  (27 children) | Copy Link


God punishes adultery. It is righteous.

[–]Pola_Lita4 points5 points  (26 children) | Copy Link

I honestly can't think of any religion where joy at another's suffering is considered a good trait. Can I ask what religion you practice?

[–]ANIKAHirsch-1 points0 points  (25 children) | Copy Link

I don’t have a religion.

[–]Pola_Lita0 points1 point  (23 children) | Copy Link

This is just a personal taste?

[–]ANIKAHirsch-1 points0 points  (22 children) | Copy Link

Not sure what you’re getting at. What I stated is what I believe.

[–]Pola_Lita2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What I'm thinking is that since this kind of appreciation isn't found in every person AND it's not something your religion tells you to do, then it's just a personal taste.

Probably I sound awkward because it's just not something I've seen before, or at least not with the person actually being aware of it, and overall I'm not sure what I think about it. I appreciate your honesty, though.

[–]ANIKAHirsch1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]dirtyhippie620 points1 point  (19 children) | Copy Link

Which god do you believe righteously punishes people with STIs?

[–]ANIKAHirsch0 points1 point  (18 children) | Copy Link


[–]dirtyhippie620 points1 point  (17 children) | Copy Link

What inspires your resistance to answering the question?

[–]HappilyMrs0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

All sex is a risk of STIs. Even when you're married and committed, there is still a teeny tiny chance your spouse has cheated. The more partners you have on the go, and the more partners those people have, the higher your chances. You can use protection to reduce the odds, but at the end of the days, it's still maths. Some choices are safer than others. Opening a marriage comes with physical, sexual and emotional risks, though we hear basically none of that as we're moving towards poly/non-monogamy/hookups being a cultural norm.

[–]caos19400 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Some partners are more risky than others...

Polyamory and swinging lifestyle participants have STD rates similar to sex workers...

Have fun!

[–]Pola_Lita-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Do you know this couple personally?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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