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Changing from "father's word is law" to "husband's word is law"

February 3, 2017

Married RPW that grew up with a strong father figure, were you able to transition to following your husband's lead easily? Do you ever still think your father might be right or better than your husband?

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Post Information
Title Changing from "father's word is law" to "husband's word is law"
Author vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes 23
Comments 10
Date February 3, 2017 3:29 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
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[–]manicmeninges17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This was and is still very tough for me. I have an extremely intelligent father who is very handy. He's pretty strict on me trusting my fiancé though. What helps is what my dad told me: letting go and letting your fiancé screw up and learn. The only way for your husband/fiancé to get better and to get to the level of knowledge your father has is by giving him the chance to try, screw up, succeed and learn.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's great advice from a father! And helpful that your father understands that a man has to grow by himself. My boyfriend is going through a hairy work situation and I told my father what happened, but he just said it's good to make mistakes and he'll be a better man from it.

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Once my husband made the transition from boyfriend to fiancé and we began living together, my father would no longer provide me with advice or help me find a solution to a problem I was struggling with. He would only provide assistance if my fiancé and I came to him together, told him what we had tried, and how it hadn't worked. There were times in the beginning where he would admonish me for not asking my fiancé first, so I learned my lessons quickly. And, we often did come to him together for advice a lot in the beginning. Mostly because we were new homeowners and there were a number of things we weren't quite sure how to do.

[–]testmypatience17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's a great father. Perfect behavior.

[–]plein_old7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Along the lines of what /u/SilverSpoonRPW said, I heard a guy on the radio yesterday, a hall of fame former football player.

He said with his son, who is getting ready for college, he never gives his son advice any more. He waits for his son to come to him with a question. Otherwise he's just supportive but does not give unsolicited advice.

I was like, wow, great parenting tip! And this is coming from an extremely strong man.

[–]--cunt6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sorry if this isn't very helpful, but my fiancé and I have had the opposite problem. My dad was/is a good guy, but my mom actively turned my against him throughout my childhood. She's a piece of work (not just by RPW standards, she's is genuinely a toxic person.) That being said, I didn't really have a stable solid family foundation growing up and was trying way too hard to find it my entire life. My fiancé on the other hand also had a pretty toxic upbringing, but rather than desperately seeking love, he avoiding it at all costs. It took us awhile to grow into functional adults together, now that we're engaged and living together a few years, we have a good idea of what family actually looks like

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

My dad was a very strong and dominant figure growing up, definitely the leader. That said, there were things he did that I didn't agree with and he gave me advice when I was a young adult on stuff that I felt was wrong. (IE; he advised me at 20 to buy a house with no money down because there are great incentives for first time home buyers).

I moved out when I was 19 so I had been on my own for a while before I got married so it wasn't a transition that was hard. If anything I had to break my independent thinking to do teamwork thinking again.

My husband and I have the same the philosophy on life so we are every agreeable to the decisions we each make.

[–]nonnimoose0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

This! My response was going to be that the best way to make the transition is to live independently for a while.

I believe every person, male or female, should live as an independent adult before partnering up with a significant other or spouse.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I do too. I learned a lot about myself, living and dying by my own decisions, so to speak. Plus I always look back fondly on the memories of my 600 sq ft studio I shared with my Boston Terrier in the city. <3

[–]ragnarockette4 Stars1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I still talk to my dad and stepdad every couple of days (less due to recent politics) and both my husband and I consult with them on financial/investment/house buying strategies. I never was one to believe my "fathers word was law," as I only found RPW in the past couple of years. But growing up with strong, successful father figures definitely laid the foundation of respect for manliness, masculine strength, and male prowess for financial and employment matters. It's helped me to trust my husband more easily!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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