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Cultivate a receptive spirit

August 16, 2020

Being receptive is feminine. I previously thought (along with probably a lot of women) that I was the spirit of receptivity just by letting men pay for dates, but this was just the tip of the iceberg.

Sometimes, still, my partner gives me the bigger/better piece of meat at dinner and I reject it, then bite my tongue. A lot of us may reject things like lavish gifts or labor (say he offers to carry all of the groceries in) for various reasons such as:

  • It’s too expensive and you’d rather he save the money (like going to a fancy restaurant)
  • It’s not what you envisioned receiving (like a surprise road trip)
  • You want him to have the nicer piece of meat, or keep his jacket when you’re both cold
  • You’re worried he’d be tired (for groceries, driving you to work etc)

You get the picture. I think most of the time, we reject out of love. “I can drive myself” you say, so he can use that time to do something for himself.

However, I’m learning that any rejection of what a man gives feels to him like a rejection of himself. He feels un-useful, that the ways of making you happy that he thought of and will happily do are not good enough.

We also reject to maintain control in a subtle way. Say he offers to spend lots of time and labor to build you a table, but you envisioned buying one from Ikea, so you reject.

We should reject things that will cause actual physical or psychological harm or significant discomfort, like if he planned a rock climbing date but you have bad knees, by all means reject it. But otherwise, go with the flow, receive his gifts and plans, maybe you’ll love it. In any case, you’ll get to relax and let him take the lead.

When you graciously receive from your man, you make him feel useful, powerful even, like he can make you happy, that he’s needed. For the labor stuff, you make him feel capable, strong, tough.

To cultivate the spirit of receptivity, one can practice on one’s man and/or other people, like friends, and even strangers to an extent. Just don’t receive dangerous things like a drink from a sketchy guy. I’m talking about stuff like:

  • Compliments - graciously accept them instead of denying they’re true
  • Help
  • Gifts small and large
  • People opening the door for you
  • On the house coffee from the barista

Etc. We know you can pay your own way and carry your own things, but people, especially men, especially your man, feel good when you graciously receive what they willingly give.

Don’t nag and expect him to give, but enthusiastically receive what he spontaneously gives. If you’ve been routinely rejecting all of his little gifts (like calling the plumber for you so you don’t have to deal with it), don’t be surprised if he stops “being romantic.” So switch your default mode from “no because” to “yes thank you!”

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Post Information
Title Cultivate a receptive spirit
Author LeilaintheDark
Upvotes 128
Comments 22
Date August 16, 2020 3:57 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]BalmoraBoy15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

My ex never let me drive her. I felt so silly about how mad/defeated it made me, but your post helped me learn something about myself. Thank you!

[–]LeilaintheDark2 Stars[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh interesting! Thanks for the male (assumes based on context) perspective!

[–]BalmoraBoy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]wispo-wills8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is so wholesome, I love it. ☺️ Being receptive builds harmony. Rejecting things because you feel you're perfectly capable... comes across as negative and honestly a bit unattractive. When it comes to compliments from strangers, I was indoctrinated to believe that being called beautiful was misogynistic so I'd constantly reject it (even though I wanted to be seen as beautiful!). I felt as though I had to try to change their language to feel less threatening to me. It caused some tensions with dates in the past and it caused tensions with myself. It was rather "control freak" -ish, ya know?

Learning to accept compliments and little acts of kindness from men has made life a little more smoother and pleasant for me. I look back at how I used to be and am so puzzled where that logic used to come from. There's nothing wrong with a man being nice! (Having ulterior motives is a different story but I run by innocent until proven guilty.)

[–]fairydust914 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Before discovering RPW I had a habit of refusing his help because "I can do it fine myself". What you're referring to is definitely true. Now I don't even attempt to open jars any more around the house, they go straight to his strong arms ;)

[–]Noodlesoupe25 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yessss. Back in my blooper days I always refused male help not knowing anything about the male psyche. Men who love a woman feel pleasure when serving her on his own terms and have an instinct to help out his lady. Graciously accept and give him kindness and affection in return and he will be satisfied.

[–]lavachequirie9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is awesome advice. Thank you so much!

[–]shopdropnroll4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I never thought of it this way. Thank you!

[–]Snoo-695285 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Lol I always let men do things for me. I know I deserve it and makes the men feel masculine in turn motivating him to do more for you.

[–]LeilaintheDark2 Stars[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Awesome! I definitely had to be taught haha

[–]85thredditaccount2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I spy another Laura Doyle fan! This is amazing advice ❤️

[–]fairylightconverse2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

bookmarked for future reference 🥳

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'll definitely try this out on an internet acquaintance today, and see his reaction.

[–]JadedByEntropy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

A good perspective

[–]orangecreamcookie0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

I don't really agree with your post. Don't you think it's telling when a man feels useless when you refuse to accept their help? Especially because i know how men wouldn't accept help from women whatsoever (unless they have no option).

I hate this whole idea of men being useful/having worth only when they can provide something. Its a stupid and extremely common mindset amongst men and women. Shouldn't the focus be on letting men know that they are loved/appreciated even if they can't provide anything?

[–]LeilaintheDark2 Stars[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Men and women are different. Men have worth even if they don’t provide anything. All men have inherent worth, but providing something is a bonus. Just as all women have inherent worth, but being pretty is a bonus. Handsome men and providing women is also a bonus, but usually not as big of a bonus as providing men and pretty women.

Should people who have bonuses be treated differently legally? Of course not. Will people with bonuses be treated better in dating? Almost certainly.

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy Link


[–]LeilaintheDark2 Stars[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

It's not just gender roles. Biological differences are involved. Society has been fighting biology for so long and losing.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link


[–]LeilaintheDark2 Stars[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I mean, I like my gender role. I'm much happier following it than not following it. I do think these gender roles still benefit society, and that dismantling them leads to decline. Part of RPW is enjoying the gender roles. If you don't like your gender role and find it oppressive, you don't have to follow it.

[–]Acountryofbabies0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Aw this is adorable :)

[–]terragutti-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Totally unrelated to the post but, im a rock climber whos experienced knee pain and injury, you can totally stretch and do physical therapy stretches to alleviate those pains. Still climb without the pain now because of the daily stretching.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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